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Our First House

Travel Forums Off Topic Our First House

1. Posted by chayisun (Budding Member 163 posts) 8y

Some time ago, my Wife Sue and I purchased our first, brand new house in a brand new subdivision. We were very happy.

To celebrate we decided, after work, to have a romantic dinner, alone, and spend time in front of our brand new fireplace.

On the way home we purchased a bottle of fine wine, and, after dinner, we moved to the living room and the sofa and opened our bottle of wine, poured it into our glasses.

I put logs into the fireplace and soon we had a wonderful fire going. We turned down the lights, cuddled on the sofa, toasted each other with our wine, listening to the crackling of the fire and we could see, out the screen door, a full moon. It was so peaceful....

Sometime passed and, during our...ummm, cuddling.....we noticed that the moon appeared to be not as bright as before as there appeared to be a haze over the screen door...

Now, I had never heard of a damper before and, as we found out, one must open the damper before lighting a fire in a fireplace.....Who knew.....

I reached over and turned on the light. The room was full of smoke. Suddenly every alarm, from upstairs to the basement went off !

Our next door neighbours, whom we had not as yet met, were sitting outside on their patio and, hearing the alarms going off in our house, grabbed their fire extinguisher and rushed to our place.

They began thumping on our front door. Meanwhile the neighbours across the street, seeing the other neighbours rushing to our house with extinguisher in hand, and also hearing the alarms, grabbed THEIR extinguishers and proceeded to head for our side door, which they began to bang on. It was chaos....

Meanwhile, as Sue and I uhh...disengaged ....I fell onto the floor grabbing at my trousers and then heading to the front door, trying to put on my pants while trying not to fall.

When I reached the front door I unlocked it...The thumping and now the yelling was becoming louder...And swung it open...As I opened the door I lost hold of my trousers and they slowly, very slowly slipped off and down around my ankles.

My neighbours stood there, fire extinguisher in hand, mouths agape, staring at me.

Meanwhile Sue was running around in circles yelling " How do I turn off the Alarms!!! Where ARE the alarms!" It was, you see, our first crisis.....

The other neighbours, finding that the side door was not locked, ran into our living room and promptly used the fire extinguisher on our fireplace. ...There was foam everywhere.

Now, apparently, and I forgot in the confusion, if a fire alarm goes off in a household the alarm is triggered at the local fire department and, unless they are notified promptly, they dispatch a Fire Truck,with Firemen, to the residence with the alarm ringing...In our case, every alarm.

So, Sue is still running around...In smaller circles as she began to close in on the fire alarm in the living room....And I am trying to, with some dignity, pull up my pants.

The neighbours at the front door were still standing there, mouths still agape, extinguisher in hand.

Meanwhile, I hear the sound of a siren and, screeching around the corner, a Fire Truck which grinds to a halt in front of our house.

Out pour the Firemen and they begin to unwind the hose while, inside the house Sue has just noticed our fireplace and the foam...Everywhere. She lets out a shriek, the wife of the neighbour who foamed our fireplace stumbles backwards and knocks our fish tank onto the floor......

I rush outside to see the whole neighbourhood watching this Laurel and Hardy drama, as I try to intercept the Firemen before they get the hose unwound.

At that I succeeded.

One of the firemen, hearing Sue's shriek, wants to know if we need an ambulance or police.... I explain that she is trying to find the alarms and he offers to go in and turn them off.

So, in we go to our smoke filled new home. There is Sue sitting on the floor staring at the fireplace....Which is full of foam and an absolute mess...And she is surrounded by flopping fish.

The Fireman, surveying the carnage, shakes his head and says, "Guess ya don't know about a damper, huh?"

"Well, I do now," was the only thing I could think of saying......

After the Fire Department left, the neighbours, who foamed our fireplace, helped us pick up our fish, clean the fireplace and helped us finish the bottle of wine.

As for the neighbours at the front door....They may still be standing there, fire extinguisher in hand, mouths agape.........

As for Sue and I, we never used the fireplace again.......

2. Posted by marlis (Travel Guru 1167 posts) 8y


love your storys very much

3. Posted by Isadora (Travel Guru 13926 posts) 8y

Quoting chayisun

As for Sue and I, we never used the fireplace again.......

You chicken! Fall of a diving board and don't go swimming (except for the staring manta ray time). Get caught with your pants down (well, accidentally down a second time) and no more fire place. At least you got on that DC3 twice (before we found it in Jamaica). I'm not even going to mention the raccoon and frog... Though, there's a poor groundhog down the road that is in need of a burial- if you're available. (Not one of ours -someone else's but crunched-before-lunch nonetheless.)

I'll send you some matches, a bottle of wine and a fire extinguisher. It's time to re-introduce yourself to the finer points of blazing infernos. ;)

4. Posted by chayisun (Budding Member 163 posts) 8y

I'm glad you like my stories. I enjoy writing them. Thanks....

Now, The only reason I actually got back ON that DC3 was simple...It was use the plane or swim back to Nassau. I had no desire to swim. I had heard that there are SHARKS...Big ones....So, since we had return tickets....

As for the dead groundhog on the road, I'd better not mention this to Sue. She found a dead bird the other day and, of course, buried it....I didn't have to say anything, this time.

I'm thinking of opening up a dead animal road kill undertaker company.

If you find some road kill, give us a call,
We'll be around and bury them all.

By the way, your offer of matches, fire extinguisher and a bottle of wine is much appreciated.

The wine I'll take but not the matches. Last time I used matches I set our grill on fire.....OK, I'll take the extinguisher, too.

Did you know that there was a cafe, in Windsor, Ontario, close to the U.S. border called....

Are you ready for this.......

ROADKILL CAFE.....groundhog hocks a speciality.....

5. Posted by Isadora (Travel Guru 13926 posts) 8y

Quoting chayisun

Did you know that there was a cafe, in Windsor, Ontario, close to the U.S. border called....

Are you ready for this.......

ROADKILL CAFE.....groundhog hocks a speciality.....

Didn't know about the Windsor one, but there's the Ok Saloon & Roadkill Cafe in Seligman, Arizona - along Route 66. Their motto is "You Kill It, We Grill It!" They serve a mess of Splatter Platter, Swirl of Squirrel, Big Bagged Stag and Highway Hash. They don't mention ground hog but prairie dog is probably a regular offering along with rattle snake road jelly. Great on toast.

I've got your card on the fridge just in case I need your roadkill undertaker services. It sounds like you have an on-site crematorium as well, in the form of a BBQ grill.