Scattered reports are reporting mass chaos on the streets of London, Paris and Madison, WI, as the shortage of Authentic Beerstani Camouflage Chestwig in "London Fog" green rocks the fashion world.
"It's chaos!" said roving reporter magykal1. "Someone tried to yank my actual chesthair off after I dyed it for an early St. Paddy's Day!"
Elsewhere, citizens are apparently chanting "I make you 1 happy dance on your hlump for an Authentic Beerstani Camouflage Chestwig in "London Fog" green!" at passing motorists.
Meanwhile, chestwig monies previously being laundered in Belfast are now being cleverly wired to Montreal.
Good Grief !! Don't JUMP !!!
THIS JUST IN...
Roving Reporter magykal1 has just called in that there is someone threatening to jump from the London Bridge - the one in London, not the one in Arizona or Dakota or Cleveland. Upon further investigation, said jumper is none other than Hien of the Beeristani Chestwig Blow-Up Sheep Elvis Impersonator Clan - the BCBUSEIC for short. Either way, it's a mouthful. He is demanding recognition as the best Beeristani Chestwig Blow-Up Sheep Elvis Impersonator in writing. And in triplicate. And within 10 minutes or it's over. A crowd has gathered to watch the events pan out. Oh, 1 minute and no letter.... Um, 5 minutes and no letter... Not looking good for the BCBUSEIC - 9 minutes and no letter. A countdown begins... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... And with that a large splash echoes throughout London. Hien has taken the leap. The throngs of spectators look over the rail... Waiting... "I'm okay!!!!!!" is heard from the water below. "Someone throw me a life preserver! I don't know how to swim!" Sadly, the throngs quickly dissipate as none of them have said preserver nor a rope. All that remains of poor Hien are the pictures taken on everyone's cell phones. Poor Hien, we knew him well...
"Wait! I'm not dead yet!!!"
From the bottom of the Guinness-World-Record holding vat of poutine, there he was... Hien... covered in MSG-free BBQ sauce and holding on to a chunk curd cheese for dear life.
"What is this? What is this? I said a bucket of KFC! Not...this... what is this, anyway?"
And suddenly, from out of the blue, comes a giant fork...
...And from the bottom of the Guinness-World-Record holding vat of poutine...
H: "Hey! Watch where you're sticking that thing! Get me out of here!"
?: "Why? I'm hungry and you look edible. Hold still."
H: "Stop it! Who are you anyway?
?: I am Mork. Remember Mork & Mindy? I was Mork. Erm... I am still Mork."
H: "No you're not. You don't look like Robin Williams."
M: "Yes I do, everyone says so. And I went through puberty. We grow quickly during puberty. Now hold still."
H: "That was a TV show."
M: "Okay, you win. What's that on your chest?"
H: "An Authentic Beerstani Camouflage Chestwig in "London Fog" green."
M: "I will buy it from you before I eat you. How much?"
H: "I had to steal this one from Beerman so it's not for sale."
M: "BEERMAN??? The Beeristani Beer Wizard in green speedos? God of the golden elixir of life?"
H: "The same. Now get me off this cheese curd!"
M: "Sorry, must go now. Here, you can play with the fork."
...And with that the mysterious Mork vanishes. Hien attempts to climb the fork out of the vat but the grease from the fries and gravy has congealed and he now just bobs around in the goo like a cork.
You know, now that you mention it.....I think I saw Hien in the openning ceremony of the Beijing Olympics. I think he was one of the Confucius guys with the tall hats !!