so I've been sharing a room with a guy from NZ. He seemed pretty normal for a week and a half then out of nowhere...
me: I gotta go wash some clothes, I'll be back.
him: I've been in and out of mental institutions for teh past ten years!
me: What?! Why?!
him: They keep trying to lock me up, but they can't because I know too much.
me: who is they?
him: them. the psychologists. I keep beating them.
me: but who sent you to the psychologists?
him: I'm gonna tell you this because I think you know who I am. I think you're in the know. I'm surprised you haven't recognized me yet.
me: who are you?
him: Mate, I'm the most famous f--king person in the world. I'm so f--king famous you don't even know who I am. It's so f--kin crazy how famous I am! Rock and Roll wants me to sing! AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!
me: how are you famous?
him: they put cameras in my house and they watched me for 9 months.
me: like a reality show?
him: no THEY were watching me.
him: rock and roll! mick Jagger, robert plant, roger waters all the big players!
him: you still don't recognize me? Nine years ago I was held hostage for six days in egypt! And the King and the Queen of the U.N. had to pay trillions to get me out.
me: you were held hostage?! so If I look you up online you'll be there in the news?
him: nah mate. this is the real steel. this is what really happens in the world. this stuff isn't on the news. this is beyond political.
me: so they paid to get you out then put you on TV?
him: no they had to watch me to see if I was going to masturbate or not? see I knew they watching me because one time I was bad mouthing Mick jagger one time in my den. and then Mick Jagger's voice came over the radio and said, "do you want a haircut?" Cause I had real shaggy hair at the time and a few months later I saw Mick Jagger looking out of his car window down the street from my house. That's how I knew they were watching me.
(At this point I am just trying to agree with him so he doesn't snap.)
me: that's crazy! why would they do that to you?
him: they're fucking thieves mate. the Egyptians! Egypyt is hell on earth. it says it in the bible! They steal from everyone. They kidnapped me because I was wearing a chef's uniform.... and they want food...but then they stripped me down and saw that I had mole on my penis. That's the mark of the king! The seeing eye of Egypt! So then they knew they could get trillions for me. They stole trillions from the King and queen of the U.N.
I've been in front of all of the supreme judges in the world. In egypt they gave me "the kiss" the judgement....the devil raped me in egypt. my eyes went black and my penis shrunk...I'm a girl! not a GIRL girl but you know...you have to be a girl before you can be a man!
After they got trillions they made a deal with the King and the queen that if I masturbated then Egypt would get half of the world's money!
me: yo that's crazy I never knew this type of thing happened.
him: yeah man, it's fucking crazy isn't it. masturbation is the worst thing you can do. well, just don't let them see you do it or else your as good as dead. You can do drugs, you can be a murderer, BUT DON'T MURDER PEOPLE! you can do anything! JUST DON'T MASTURBATE! See mate they want me locked up because of what I know, I'm the most dangerous man in the world!
me: .....so what is the mark of the king again?
him: you still don't recognize me? you still don't get it? I'M AN ANGEL! but I'm one of the higher-up angels. I'm up there with the big players...Mick Jagger, Bono....all of the big rockstars and billionaires and smartest people in the world are there. They're all angels! You're an angel. not to piss you off but you're not at my level. The only angel I'm not higher than is Mick Jagger...he makes all of the decisions. He is the most powerful one. But I'm next.
When the King and the Queen of the U.N. defeat egypt and it's allies then they can build heaven on earth...and I will be exhaulted to the highest level of man. I have the mark of the king, I'm Black, I'm not black, but I'm the balck chef. the chef that will bring together all of the executive chefs of the world to feed everybody when heaven on earth is built. I'm part of the horrace club because I have a mole on my penis!
but yeah the psychologists want to put me away because of what I know. but I displayed magic, not like david copperfield. but I displayed intellegence on levels you can't comprehend. it's so fucking genius...it goes beyond words and numbers and language!
Listen mate all the rockstars make songs about me. Marcy playground. Sex and candy...that song is about me. Pearl Jam World wide suicide...about me. that whole album has references to me. Eddie vedder is also an angel. REM and Elvis have songs about egypt!
me: wow man! I never knew all of this! I better get to washing my clothes.
him: yeah man, I knew you'd get it. You're an angel too. I think on some level you know how the world works.
So this guy left and will be back in a week...now I have to find another place to stay before he comes back.