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True Story of Australia....Really...

Travel Forums Off Topic True Story of Australia....Really...

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1. Posted by chayisun (Budding Member 163 posts) 8y

Australia is a great big Island situated thataway..Meaning way over there.

The original inhabitants of Australia were called Kangaroos or Roos, for short.

The Roos spent all their days hopping around and boxing. At night they partied.

Eventually, from somewhere, there appeared Aboriginals and they settled on the land and became friends with the Kangaroos. All was quiet for many, many years.

Meanwhile, in a far off land called England, the inhabitants of that country wanted to get rid of their criminals.

Someone, I think it was Prince Phillip, suggested shipping the bad people out to one of England's colonies.

At first, Canada was the number one choice but, as it was usually cold there and full of man eating polar bears, it was decided to ship the criminals to California.

The criminals were eventually loaded onto a ship and started their journey across the English channel, when the ship bumped into the Continent.

The captain of the ship, one Capt. Charles Laughton, saw a man standing on the shore and he yelled out to him:

"AHOY THERE! Do you know the way to San Jose?"

"You going back to find some peace of mind in San Jose?"

"Actually, no. I'm delivering a boatload of prisoners to a place called California."

'Hate to tell you this but, first, you're going the wrong way and, two, California is part of the United States. You got passports and visas for everyone on board?"

"No. As I said, I got criminals."

"California will never take them. Have you tried Canada?"

"Can't go there...polar bears."

"How about Australia."

"Where?"

"Australia..way over that way. Go around Africa, toward the far east..you'll bump into a big island..that'll be Australia."

"Good idea. I'll go to Australia...I mean, what's the difference and who will know?"

So Capt. Laughton sailed to Australia and landed there three months later.

The prisoners couldn't wait to get off the ship.

The criminal types thought they were in California and demanded to know where the closest McDonalds was and when they could go to Disneyland.

When told they were, in fact, in Australia, there first reaction was...

"Where?"

"Australia."

"Ok, well, we can go skiing in the mountains."

"NOT AUSTRIA......AUSTRALIA."

After this fact had been established the prisoners were moved into newly built prisons and the sailors wanted to go home because there were no movie stars and it was too hot.

The Aboriginal Chief, being curious about these visitors, set up a meeting with Capt. Laughton.

"Hello there, short Aboriginal person. I'm Capt. Charles Laughton, and I give you greetings from the people of England..otherwise known as Great Britain."

"Hello. Why are you here?"

"I have landed here and brought with me the future owners of this land, my passengers...actually they are all criminals."

"Criminals? What's a criminal?"

"You don't know?"

"No."

"Oh,' said Capt. Laughton, "In that case, these prisoners are very upstanding citizens who will, eventually, get out of prison...ummm....their living quarters and will build towns , roads cities...bring civilization to the savages."

"Savages?"

"Yes. Like, you people. We will bring PROGRESS!"

"Oh...well, I bring you gift."

"A gift? For Me?"

"It is native animal..it is a platypuss."

"A platypuss? Ugly thing. Can I cook it?"

"No. It is a pet. You throw ball and platypuss go get it. Also, really good watchpuss."

"Well thank you. Chief, I also have a gift for YOU!"

"For Me?"

"Yes. It's $24.00 worth of glass beads."

"You joking, right. It's just glass beads.."

"Well, it worked in New York..thought I'd give it a shot. Anyway, here's a bagpipe. Have fun."

With that, the Aboriginal Chief, satisfied that the white people he had met were truthful and harmless, returned to his village. Little did he know......

Capt. Laughton settled in as the first governor of this land and appointed Mr. Christian as his second in command.

The English sent many more prisoners to Australia and , over time, towns were built and communities established.

People from around the world emigrated to this large island..actually Australia calls itself a continent. Yea, right...it's an island....

Eventually Australia cut all ties with England, well, other then remaining in the Commonwealth...and having the Queen as a sort of head of the country....Actually, England didn't want Australia anyway, as the English had no clue as to what the Australians were talking about as the Australians talked in a foreign tongue. It was called Aussietalk...or gibberish.

Australians spend a lot of time surfing, drinking, throwing boomerangs at each other, surfing and playing Australian Football, called "footy" ( don't ask ) which is somewhat like American Football but, with Australian Football, there are ambulances along the sidelines rather than cheerleaders.

However, the favourite sport in Australia is swimming, probably due to the many beaches.

Australians are among the fastest swimmers in the world. This is, of course, a neccessity due to the sharks that patrol along the beaches.

To-day Australia attracts tourists who spend much time surfing, eating, drinking, surfing, drinking and spending money .

They also swim too, but not as fast as the Australians, which is why there are more sharks patrolling the beaches during tourist season.

Australians are known to be very friendly. However, since nobody understands what they are saying, this may not be entirely true. They could be insulting you and you would never know. But, I like to think they are friendly.....

As for the Aboriginals....they spend their time playing didgeridoos and bagpipes.....they have remained friends with the kangaroos....

2. Posted by vegasmike6 (Travel Guru 3562 posts) 8y

Chayisun,
I am coming to the conclusion you have too much time on your hands.

3. Posted by chayisun (Budding Member 163 posts) 8y

I like to write....I stay up all night in order to do so. That said, I shall try to find something else to do...Like rock climbing, which does not involve posting stories....Or butterfly collecting.....I shall not darken your doorway again.....

4. Posted by Isadora (Travel Guru 13926 posts) 8y

Don't cry, Doug. Mike lives in Vegas and gets free tickets to shows and fun stuff like that. He used to play golf. I don't think he's been to Australia, though I could be wrong.

5. Posted by vegasmike6 (Travel Guru 3562 posts) 8y

Quoting Isadora

Don't cry, Doug. Mike lives in Vegas and gets free tickets to shows and fun stuff like that. He used to play golf. I don't think he's been to Australia, though I could be wrong.

Gretchen,
As Ed McMahon used to say to Johnny Carson; "you are CORRECT sir!" I do get FREE! shows, almost weekly. La Reve, Danny Gans & Blue Man Group in the last 2 weeks. Free movies as well. It seems about 4 times/month they preview a movie here before it opens. They ask you to rate it and give opinions, but it is not mandatory. I am on 2 lists and get several FREE! movies/month. I also go to the fun conventions: DEMA (scuba), SEMA (autos & auto parts), VSDA (rental movies), ASD (surplus crap), CES (Consumer Electronics) and the best one, AVN (porn). Guys, take a peek! And yes, I have put the golf game on hold due to injuries. Never been to OZ, 3 out of 3 for you Issy.

6. Posted by Sam I Am (Admin 5588 posts) 8y

This story was apparently picked up on Yahoo Answers ... :)

7. Posted by Isadora (Travel Guru 13926 posts) 8y

Quoting Sam I Am

This story was apparently picked up on Yahoo Answers ... :)

WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!

I wonder if the Yahoo poster actually read Chayisun's whole story? I mean, Australia, California and Canada are often confused by the novice geographer. I only remember that Antarctica and Australia aren't the same because they never show pictures of kangaroos on Antarctica in the National Geographic magazine.

8. Posted by Utrecht (Moderator 5596 posts) 8y

Quoting Isadora

Quoting Sam I Am

This story was apparently picked up on Yahoo Answers ... :)

WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!

I wonder if the Yahoo poster actually read Chayisun's whole story? I mean, Australia, California and Canada are often confused by the novice geographer. I only remember that Antarctica and Australia aren't the same because they never show pictures of kangaroos on Antarctica in the National Geographic magazine.

There a few Joeys working on the research centres on Antarctica though Isa
And they do have penguins in Oz

English people should be envious about Oz though, that's for sure. As big as Europe, 20 million people, western lifestyle, beaches, nice weather, nice people (except peter and eric of course), outback, tropical rainforest, sharks killing stupid people. yeah, I like the country

9. Posted by chayisun (Budding Member 163 posts) 8y

WHAT???? On YAHOO ANSWERS????

I'm Gonna SUE!!!!! YEA!!! That's Plagerism...plaggerisum.....Plagarism....Anyway, I'm gonna SUE!!! That's MY story!!! See, My Uncle Benny, he was ON the original ship along with Capt. Laughton and he left the story to be past on to our family....He also brought home to Canada a kangaroo....AND he also brought home a boomerang! That's how he caught his wife, Nellie....

10. Posted by Brendan (Respected Member 1824 posts) 8y

I liked the story