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Are men expected to pay for EVERYTHING in Russia?

Travel Forums Europe Are men expected to pay for EVERYTHING in Russia?

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1. Posted by Trotter08 (Budding Member, 2 posts) 10 Sep '08 16:08

Trotter08 has indicated that this thread is about Russia

Hi

Please can you help me....asap :-S

My male friend is having a long distance relationship with a Russian girl. They met when he was in Russia on business, and have been in contact by email since. He is returning to Russia this week on business and will stay an extra week to spend time with the girl. She has suggested going on vacation to Europe. He would like to do this but doesnt know if she expects him to pay for her, and he cannot afford to :-(

Please can someone advise if tradtion means he is epxected to pay for everything (e.g the flights and hotel) or maybe just the dinners and entertainment there?

Many thanks

2. Posted by cybervlad (Full Member, 78 posts) 10 Sep '08 20:35

Hi Trotter,

I think in this case a girl expect that your friend will pay for everything. First, you are right: "classical" Russian tradition is "man pay for everything". Despite that by now there are women in Russia with good income and they can pay for their expenses (include travels), majority of them regards a man not only as a friend but also as a breadwinner/provider. Especially with foreigners - most of them think that "all the foreigners are rich men".

3. Posted by kayossus (Budding Member, 6 posts) 11 Sep '08 01:35

Hi,

I cannot give the perspective of a Russian, but I am a foreigner and I have dated Russian women. So far, my experience has been that the man is expected to be gallant in offering to pay for most things, but a man will garner no respect here if he is dishonest about his means. All in all, I have probably paid for about 60% of the dinners, and heve been treated to many things myself. As for travelling, he is not expected to pay for her ticket, or other expensive things. It's ok to ask about splitting some of the cost. Unless your frind has tried to give her the impression that he is an enless well of money, I doubt she will be put off by having to pay at least some of her part. If she is just some kind of leach who will disapear when the cash runs out, then good riddance! There are many wonderful Russian women out there (they outnumber the men). Most of them are sensible and realistic. If she speaks English, she probably has a more realistic image of foreigners than most.
All the best

Jason

4. Posted by Tory-Vic (Budding Member, 87 posts) 11 Sep '08 06:48

Hello,
I am Russian, and a girl :))
Yes we do expect men to pay for everything, and its not cause we think they are rich or foreigners are rich, but because of our culture. Tho often we can pay for everything, and sometimes have more money than our guys do we still let them pay for us, and guys normally do mind us to pay for dinner or something else.
Well, if a boy and a girl are not very close yet, normally the girl doesnt expect very expensive gifts (such as a trip) on that stage.
And in this situation, as it was a girl who started talking about that trip, it might mean that she might be able to afford it herself. To be more sure, can you tell me what does she do? I mean her work.
Best thing your friend can do is to talk honestly about this, cause if he is not going to lie about his financial situation and if this is not only money what the girl is looking for, I think she would understand everything and they could find the way out.
But it might be difficult a bit in the beginning of talk as we dont really talk very openly about money. If he starts "slowly" , talking first a bit "around" this question, finally he will find out what she expects and she will understand what he can.
Hope this can help your friend,
Vic.

5. Posted by rg6117 (Budding Member, 6 posts) 11 Sep '08 06:58

After reading these posts, I would say that whilst it depends on the woman, culturally yes, she would expect to be paid for. Many Russian women put their men through hell to make sure that they will be able to provide for them in later life and will stick by them. The reason is that Russian men are generally a bit useless after 30 as they become more dependeent on alcohol and a sad fact of life in Russia is that the men are often dead from alcohol by 50. So women need to know that they can have someone who is strong enough to provide for them for later and perhaps strong enough not to become an alcoholic. The prospect of a foreigner, especially a Westerner, is extremely attractive to most Russian women therefore. But they do not share the western values of femenism etc!!!! There is no splitting the bill for Russian women or you pay for this and i pay for that.In fact most of my russian friends feel extremely strongly about this and they are very open minded otherwise quite enlightened people. I think it would be difficult to convince a russian woman that she should pay for her own flight and hotel, extremely difficult in fact.That doesnt mean that she is expecting the best accomodation etc russian women are generally not bitches, but very understanding and extremely practical. Although this does depend a bit on which area of Russia they are from. Perhaps your friend should explain that as he does not have that much money, they should stay in cheaper places, but he will pay. I think that if he does this, she should be understanding and accept the situation. But to answer your question simply, Yes, Russian men are expected to pay for EVERYTHING in Russia!!!! Hope your friend can sort the situation out! Rebekah

6. Posted by cybervlad (Full Member, 78 posts) 11 Sep '08 22:10

Quoting rg6117

Many Russian women put their men through hell to make sure that they will be able to provide for them in later life and will stick by them. The reason is that Russian men are generally a bit useless after 30 as they become more dependeent on alcohol and a sad fact of life in Russia is that the men are often dead from alcohol by 50.

Oops! I am 40-years old Russian, but I am not depend on alcohol :) And all my friends too. What's wrong? :)

Quoting rg6117

I think it would be difficult to convince a russian woman that she should pay for her own flight and hotel, extremely difficult in fact.

As mentioned above, it' s depend. Woman with good income can pay for her travel without any problem. Moreover, she can insist on this to show her independence.

7. Posted by Tory-Vic (Budding Member, 87 posts) 12 Sep '08 02:22

Cybervlad,
dont get upset :)
foreigners have very sandard opinion about Russians, and its hard to change it :) many of them still think we have vodka every day and that its always cold here (in whole Russia). The ones who have been to Russia (esp big cities) have changed their mind.

Anyway I don't know many girls here who would insist on paying for the trip just to show independence :)
Tho many of us have good income, thats right :)
But again, that guy must be honest about his financial situation, then everything will be fine.
And I agree with kayossus, sheaper hotel and cheaper trip could make the question easier, if that guy can afford them.

Best regards,
Vic.

8. Posted by cybervlad (Full Member, 78 posts) 12 Sep '08 08:10

Quoting Tory-Vic

Anyway I don't know many girls here who would insist on paying for the trip just to show independence :)

I don't speak about majority, but I met girls who prefer pay for herself :)
Anyway, I agree with you:

Quoting Tory-Vic

that guy must be honest about his financial situation, then everything will be fine.

Just discuss this question, and everything will be Ok.

9. Posted by Traveler30 (Budding Member, 8 posts) 12 Sep '08 15:27

Hi all!

I think that to talk about this question it's useless .
I read an interview to Sarah Palin (candidate as vice president in next US presidential election) , and she told that if she will win elections, she will begin a new war against Russia!
And I am afraid that if she will win, Russia will disappear from the world!
And then I will can't go next summer to visit Russia!:(

And then, dear Trotter, you will must to tell your friend that he will must begin to consider to lose its russian girl forever!

Regards

10. Posted by cybervlad (Full Member, 78 posts) 14 Sep '08 20:55

Quoting Traveler30

she told that if she will win elections, she will begin a new war against Russia!
And I am afraid that if she will win, Russia will disappear from the world!

If this was a joke, this is a BAD joke.
You don't really know what is a war, so, please, do not repeat after some stupid politics their stupid speeches.