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How to leave your 'better' half behind when traveling?

Travel Forums General Talk How to leave your 'better' half behind when traveling?

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1. Posted by TLWH (Travel Guru, 516 posts) 15 Sep '08 04:54

I did it for a year. Not easy, on both sides. While I was traveling she was working. That in itself is hard enough. Let lone one person out of a couple experiencing a different life for so long. At home the questions of why? And are you sure they're not '@$#@'ing on you build up. On the road, the guilt of enjoying and being in places your loved would also enjoy mounts up.

A lot can happen in a year in any relationship, let alone when one partner is traveling.

There are lots of scenarios leading up to this too. One partner has a year off work, the other cannot. One never traveled, the other did, and does not want to?

Is it best to break up for year? Is it best to never leave? Is it best to go for it and have faith in a mutual agreement between you?

Then, what happens on the return? Again, a lot happens to a person in a year from both sides?! Does the relationship survive?

Have you been in this situation, how's it worked out?

2. Posted by joffre (Respected Member, 157 posts) 15 Sep '08 13:11

lol... never really experienced your senario, I would arrange to meet somewhere nice mid-trip...
What's that saying? "What happens in Las Vegas, stays in Las Vegas..." Good luck! ;)

3. Posted by tway (Travel Guru, 7274 posts) 15 Sep '08 15:45

I've never gone off travelling to leave someone behind, but my other half and I lived pretty much apart for 5 years. We both knew we wanted the same things and made sure we talked about everything, always--especially the hard stuff. We were also happiest when we knew the other person was happy, which meant we encouraged each other to have full, happy lives apart. It worked out well for us.

I don't see how you can break up for a year and take up again. That's like having a "Get out of jail free" card or something. I think the relationship is either worth it, or it's not. And if it's not, then it's best to get out anyway.

4. Posted by soupatrvlr (Respected Member, 385 posts) 15 Sep '08 19:24

i think the long and short of it is if you're right for one another, you'll find a way to stay together or to be together. we have friends where she desperately wanted to travel and he couldn't b/c of work. in the end, she took off and he met up with her a month or two into it for three weeks. after that another month or so later he asked her to come home...they were married. she returned but things didn't work out. they got divorced, she went back to her country and a year later they met up at heathrow for three hours. that was five years ago...she's been back now for almost four years and they have two dogs, two kids, a house and are remarried. so go figure. it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, only what is between the two of you. when i took off on my rtw journey, i'd been seeing someone, but knew in my bones that it wasn't going to pan out in the end. i made no promises and intentionally left things wide open...which was for the best since i met someone while on the road. we did a lot of back back and forth forth...a four year cross-continental relationship, but it worked out in the end. a lot of faith in one another, a lot of doubts along the way, but we just celebrated our 5th wedding anniversary this past weekend. i think we both have changed a lot but we adapted to one another while we were apart. and i guess the temptations that came along the way just weren't worth it. good luck.

5. Posted by Aussi Di (Budding Member, 10 posts) 16 Sep '08 22:36

Life has taken me on a different path to that of my husband. I went to Uni as a mature student, he was not interested in study. I "won" a trip to Ireland. He could not come. And now I work in China - on my own. We have been married for 40 years - so maybe it is my time to explore. He cannot work in China - and I enjoy the work. I cannot get work in Australia. So we try and manage as best we can.

6. Posted by t-trippin (Budding Member, 19 posts) 17 Sep '08 07:01

Last year I left my husband at home while I travelled around S.E.A. for three months. As you can imagine he wasn't too happy about me going away without him, yet he was unable/ unwilling to come too. Travel is not his passion but it has become mine. When I turned thirty I looked back on my life and saw some gaping holes that needed filling. So I either took the chance then to go alone and piss him off, or I could've stayed at home and let the resentment build for the rest my life.
Going was one of the best decisions I've ever made. It was damn scary though! When I got home I realised that was where I belonged long term. Travelling without my partner has made me a little tougher but also highlighted how lucky I am to have some-one so special at home. I will travel again, but the burning desire to go no matter what has been satiated.... maybe next time together ;)

7. Posted by Bettinamc (Budding Member, 21 posts) 17 Sep '08 21:38

Oh I know this story all too well.
I had been in a relationship with a man who had been married young and had two kids. He felt that he had missed out on so much and wanted to travel. I had done some travelling and felt that this time was best for him to go by himself and discover himself. I supported him the whole way through. His first stop was to Vietnam. Strange place to go for someone who has never been out of OZ! He struggled with the culture shock and I continued to support him through this.
We had arranged that I would met up with him in Thailand 3 months later. It was on this trip he told me that he wasn't coming home. I couldn't continue a long distance relationship. He has since returned and everything he said he wouldn't do he's done.
My advice would be break up now. The pain now is better than later. Don't waste so much of your time and energy and something that may never survive. If you are meant to be together you will be.

8. Posted by marcelle25 (Budding Member, 4 posts) 18 Sep '08 03:21

I am currently in Uganda and my Husband is in the U.S. It is hard but it is definitely doable. First you have to have a strong relationship and you must trust each other. I will be missing our anniversary, my birthday and thansgiving with him which is hard. We send emails and try to talk on the phone through skype at least twice a week. I will be here for four months and he will not be able to visit because of his job. I think what helps us is that we planned a two week trip togethor as soon as I get back. We are going to Italy. Having the trip togethor to look forward to definitely helps.

9. Posted by Cherries69 (Budding Member, 8 posts) 20 Sep '08 08:08

Im not so sure about this situation. I went travelling when i was 21 with my 26 year old friend. She was in a relationship when we left the UK. It was the love of her life while she was at uni. They agreed they would break up temporarily while we went away. It was something she had wanted to do for a while and he had been away in the USA for a couple of months in the summer holidays from uni in the second year. So he understood why we wanted to go away. They agreed he would come out for a 3 week holiday in Australia & he would come & stay with us in our rented appartment in Brisbane.
In the mean time, my friend had been sleeping with every guy she could get her hands on & the day her boyfriend went to the airport to get the flight home, she refused to go with him to the airport & called up some guy she had been seeing in one of the hostels in town. I was shocked (maybe not suprised because i had done so many months travelling with her anyway). But what was special to him had meant nothing to her while she was away.
I know what everyone has said above is true, if you are meant to be together then you will be. But just make sure its really what you want. You could meet someone while you're away or, who knows, you may be able to hook up when you get back & start off where you left it.
Good luck

10. Posted by Mikey85 (Budding Member, 14 posts) 21 Sep '08 04:00

can u guys help me! me and ex gf are currently trying to work things out! been split for about a year and in that time ive realised she is defo the girl for me and she has mentioned at getting back together. i will do anything to work things out! anyway she told my mate that we could get backtogether if i wasnt of travelling! she would never say that to me because she knows is something i want to do. BUT if this is going to jeopradise any chance of me and her getting back together then i dont want to go anyway! Thing is ive paid my airfare as well!! ANY HELP OR ADVICE?? its only for months, im tempted to cut it down to 6 weeks! im also sacred if we do get togerher before i go then i will miss her terribly and ruin my trip!