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Travel Forums Off Topic Scotland

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1. Posted by chayisun (Budding Member 163 posts) 8y

Having a lot of time to do basically nothing until our next trip I wrote this....

This is a TALE about Scotland..If anyone from Yahoo answers sees this I am uncertain that everything in this story is true....But, that said, my Uncle Douglas, of the famed Douglas clan, told me it was true....Of Course, he loved his Guiness Beer......A LOT.....

Scotland, the home of my ancestors, was created in 969 AD by a group of funny talking people who left England because nobody understood them.

They headed north, that is, up on the map, and discovered a large land...actually, nobody wanted it as it was inhabited by savages known as Scots.

The Scots, as they were called, used to run to the border that separated England from the land of the Scots, and throw rocks at the Romans.

The Romans, who had invaded England and occupied it, just wanted to go home as they couldn't understand anybody..the English or the savages known as the Scots.

Also, they were tired of having rocks thrown at them.

The Romans did not throw the rocks back but instead saved them. Eventually, the Scots had thrown so many rocks at the Romans that the Romans were able to build a wall which they named Hadrian's Wall in honour of Maximus Hadrian.

Soon the Scots got tired of throwing rocks at a wall and decided to go back into their wilderness and create a country.

They called it Scotland, which made sense, being as how they were called Scots.

They formed a government, sort of, and made a list of things to do.

The first item was to invade England and chase out the Romans....but, after looking at the wall it was decided it was too high to scale.

So now that they had a country, the Scots decided they need to find a national dress for the men, something that was distinctive and unique.

Alister McGregor, the local tailor, called all the Scots to-gether in the town square to announce that he had come up with the perfect clothing design for the men:

"Ay, Men, Are yee ready fer me unveiling of the perfect clothing item."

"Ay, Alister..let us see watcha got!"

"Ok! Here it BE!!!"

The male model walked out from behind the curtain....

A gasp was heard from the crowd...


"Ay, " said Alister, " But it tain't a skirt. I call it the KILT!"

"I don't care whatcha call it, Alister, It's a GIRLY SKIRT!"

"Tain't no GIRLY skirt..It's got a POUCH in front! That ain't a GIRLY thing! That's a MANLY thing!"

After much discussion it was decided to adopt this item as a Scottish invention....thus the kilt came into being.....with pouch.

Next on the list came music. The Scots needed to have music. They wanted something unique but had no idea what to invent.

One day, while sitting in the town square, a young man happened to find a large, empty potato sack and, having nothing to do, he filled it with air...a seam broke and the potato sack made a strange noise....thus was born the bagpipe.

From there the Scots built a bank to hold money, something the Scots were, and still are, very fond of.

One day the government of Scotland received a note from England. It seems that England found out that there was a country north of them and it had a bank.

The English told them that the Romans had packed up and gone home and that England was now the ruler of Scotland..and Wales and that green island off the coast...

Scotland decided to send an emissary to London to find out how that would impact on their bank.

The emissary returned a week later stating that nobody could understand him and he couldn't understand them, he came home.

Scotland then decided to invade England.

They formed an army and marched to the wall, looked at it and, once again decided it was too high to scale and went home.

Eventually, over the years, England and Scotland had some spats. Actually, they went to war....

Scotland claimed victory as they still have that bank.

To-day Scotland is well known as the home of the Loch Ness Monster.....England has Tony Blair.

Elizabeth II is recognized as the Queen .....while the Scots would prefer Elton John as the least he can sing.

2. Posted by mikeyBoab (Travel Guru 5077 posts) 8y

Quoting chayisun

"Ay, Men, Are yee ready fer me unveiling of the perfect clothing item."

"Ay, Alister..let us see watcha got!"

"Ok! Here it BE!!!"

Are we pirates?

[ Edit: Edited on Sep 24, 2008, at 1:52 AM by mikeyBoab ]

3. Posted by chayisun (Budding Member 163 posts) 8y

You never heard of Scottish pirates???? Where in the world have you been???

Scots were famous for being pirates. Actually, they were not very successful, though...Whenever they tried to board another ship, the Scots were so busy trying to keep their kilts from flying up that they kept dropping their cutlasses.....Also, the laughter from the other ship's crew was not conducive to good pirating....

4. Posted by Isadora (Travel Guru 13926 posts) 8y

Scottish pirates may not have been the best pirates in the world but they were almost impossible to execute. Both John Gow and William Kidd had to be hanged twice because their ropes broke the first time around. Okay, Gow's rope had help as he wasn't dying quickly enough and people pulled on his legs to end his agony and speed up the process. Kidd's rope was just defective. Maybe it had been used once to often...

5. Posted by vegasmike6 (Travel Guru 3562 posts) 8y

You clearly have too much time on your hands.

6. Posted by chayisun (Budding Member 163 posts) 8y

It has been pointed out to me, for a second time, by the same person, that I clearly have too much time on my hands...So, I am going to go to Wal-Mart and get a position as a greeter or, possibly, shopping cart collector. This, then, will take up my time and I will not have time to write any frivolous stories.

I guess that is a hint that I should not spend time writing anything that does not contribute to this site...That is anything of importance.

If the Wal-Mart thing doesn't come to fruition then I shall go on my merry way to Nigeria to collect my millions of dollars that await me from Rosemary, who is my cousin, apparently....OR go golfing with Sue....

I shall check in from time to time and, after any trips, if I have the time, will report on those....Well, other than the one to Nigeria....Or anything about Wal-Mart...

7. Posted by Isadora (Travel Guru 13926 posts) 8y

Ahem, we have some pretty strict rules over here in Off Topic, and we Moderators try to keep everyone following them to the letter. I mean it. No, really, I do. Okay, unless a good old fashioned threadjacking is more interesting.

So, here is my solution for resolving the issues at hand. No, really, I have a solution. Honest. Come on, you'll like it. At least think about it.

Chayisun, you travel over to the WalMart store. Don't forget to greet everyone as you enter - they like that, especially the greeters. It makes them feel like they are doing their jobs. Head over to the toy department and pick out two Star Wars light sabers. Make sure that each glows a different color. (Yeah, there's a reason.) Oh, let the cashier know that you are just borrowing them - sort of a test drive to see if they work - and you'll return them in a few days. You can either go home and collect Sue from the golf course or just let her finish her 36 holes with the girls.

Meanwhile, Mike, you travel over to your favorite casino. Pick out four show girls, in full feather regalia, to be our cheerleaders. Don't forget to stop by the all-day buffet for post-event repast. Chicken wings, meatballs, some salads, the works. Also let the casino know you'll have the girls back on stage in a few days. (I'm sure they have back-up dancers for just these types of occasions.)

Since you both like to travel, choose your preferred mode of transportation and meet me at the Ho Chunk Casino, Resort and Convention Center in Wisconsin Dells, Wisconsin. It won't be hard to find as Wisconsin Dells is the indoor waterpark capital of the Midwest. I have chosen this location because: 1) I'm broke and can just drive there, 2) it's the indoor waterpark capital of the Midwest and I like waterparks, 3) they have nickel Monopoly Game slot machines, 4) Jay Leno cancelled his show so the auditorium is available, 5) they have nickel slots and indoor waterparks.

The event has already been scheduled for 8:00pm Central Daylight Time on Saturday night so set your watches accordingly. Forgetting to reset your watches will not be accepted as an excuse for delay or cancellation. (Being Moderator, I love making up the rules!) Chayisun, please leave one of the light sabers at the front desk so Mike can pick it up upon his arrival. At the above mentioned time, and dressed in your best pirate-type outfits consisting of only the things found in your clothes closets (at home), the light saber duel will commence. The match will be over when one, or both, sabers have burned out - or we all decide to go play in the waterpark. Tickets are $10 each, payable only in nickels. The buffet will be served following the match or waterpark as we don't want anyone getting a cramp from swimming right after eating.

There ya go! Tickets are on sale now. Get 'em while they're hot!!!

8. Posted by vegasmike6 (Travel Guru 3562 posts) 8y

It seems a bit odd I would travel to Wisconsin to go to another casino. I used to visit Shawano twice a year. A friend of mine owned a small farm outside of Bonduel and I would stop on my way to and from Martha's Vineyard. A bit of out of the way, but it was a nice break from the coast to coast trip. I did get to see the Packers play a pre season game and also watched them practice several times before the season started. He has since sold his place and now travels via RV across the US. My Vegas friend has sold his place in MV and now I no longer go back there for my taxi gig. Oh well, it was fun while it lasted. By the by, I am a veggie so no meatballs, chicken wings, etc for me. I do have a 2 for 1 at Green Valley Ranch Station Casino that we are using today. No BF and no dinner, just one big lunch. That is the problem with buffets, you tend to overeat, got to get your money's worth don't you know!

I do like the idea of bashing 'chayisun' with a light saber, but will have to pass on the offer. We are having our annual yard sale in our gated community and I am in charge of it. Over 70 homes offering crap that they long want or need. Plenty of people outside the gates are allowed in to peruse our unwanted crap and try to come to a mutually
agreed upon price. Haggling over unwanted crap would be an accurate assessment.

Issy, I have suggested this before and never received an answer. Why don't the TP members have their annual meet-up in, pause, LAS VEGAS!?! Everyone wants to visit, we have heaps of things to do and I don't have to travel or spend a dime. A win, win, win as far as I can see. I await your answer with eager anticipation! VM.

9. Posted by Isadora (Travel Guru 13926 posts) 8y

Now, now, Mike - I didn't say anything about "bashing' anyone with the light sabers. And, though they are approved for "ages 8 and up" (I checked when I stopped at WalMart this morning), we don't want anyone poking anyone else's eye out. Look what happened to Ralphy in A Christmas Story when he finally got his Red Ryder. (Hence why the duel was with light sabers and not dueling pistols. I can fix light saber wounds.) Anyway, I guess it's all a moot point now since you have the gated community's haggling over unwanted crap weekend to look forward to - been there, done that. Our best friend lived in a gated community until he sold his house and moved to Florida. He had a garage sale too. I was forced into organizing it. People said he had the best unwanted crap of any gated community they'd been to for garage sales. He sold 5 computers and an electric keyboard that day. Well, more than that - but those were the highlights. I got pizza out of the deal and had to drive his minivan to Florida.

I really think you don't want to visit Wisconsin Dells and Ho Chunk Casino because you're selling all of your pirate clothes at the garage sale and would have nothing to wear but feathers. Just a thought. You'd look good in feathers. I've looked at your photo gallery. Anyway, I chose Ho Chunk because I'm broke and Vegas is out of the question at the moment. Don't get me wrong - I love Vegas. I've lost money there. But, my real reason for choosing it was the indoor waterparks. There's one that is specifically designed as a pirate cove and I love pirates - even Scottish pirates. (I've read about pirates. I have several books about pirates. I may have been a pirate in another life - if I believed in former lives - jury's still out on that one.) So, we're actually in the same boat (excuse the pun) on this one. I don't need to go to Vegas for casinos and you don't need to come to Wisconsin for casinos. We seem to be at an em passe. I'm sure we'll work something out. Oh, just so you know, Leno was going to host the live broadcast of the duel on ESPN. He's crushed at the cancellation news.

As for Shawano - did you ever do the Wolf river rafting trip? Granted, it's no Colorado or Salmon River trip but it's worth the time and the falls at the end. Did that rafting trip for about 10 years in a row and Shawano was our nightly stomping ground. One year, I was accidentally hit in the face by another person's head (giving me a concussion and a broken artery in my cheek) as we went over the falls... Walked around in a daze for about 24 hours and couldn't even remember my name. I just kept wandering off aimlessly now and again. Oh wait, I do that now... Guess I never fully recovered.

About that TP meet-up in Vegas... I know I'm TP Mom (to some) but be my guest and take the reigns. Just send 2 round-trip first class tickets to Vegas to Isa Manor, Middle-Of-Nowhere, USA and we'll be there - nickels in hand. (I know where to find the nickel machines in Bali, Paris, and a few others.) Considering the Saturday night event was almost sold out - I have a stash of nickels.

Finally... I like Chayisun's stories. They make me laugh. Between his stories and a good martini or two - it washes away the unwanted crap of the day. Just a personal opinion - that's all. ;)

ps: I respect you being a vegetarian but I'm a carnivore. The chicken wings and meatballs were for me. You can have the salads. Oh wait, I like salads too.

10. Posted by chayisun (Budding Member 163 posts) 8y

Cool. He wants to bash me. Very impressive. I don't know why. I haven't done anything to deserve such venom....Gee, maybe it's my stories.

Well, I'll just stop writing them. I don't want to upset him as he seems to have a very short fuse........

Oh, well, I am shaking in my pirate boots....Let's do it right.

High noon....Just you and me....Dusty street.....When the clock stikes NOON go for your saber....But do it fast 'cause the buffet opens at 12:01.....After I dispose of you I'll head out and enjoy the buffet. After that, as I have so much time on my hands, I'll head back to Wal-Mart and return the light sabers......