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United States Plan to Invade Canada

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11. Posted by Q' (Travel Guru 1987 posts) 8y

Quoting tway

This just in!

Vermont troops have reportedly gone AWOL on masse in Montreal after discovering 3 a.m. closing hours, $10 lap dances, Schwartz' all-night smoked meat, and that iffy strip on St. Laurent and Ontario. Petitions have been circling to keep Quérmont a separate and independent nation. Rumours have it the national dish will be maple-syrup covered poutine. Molson breweries reports a sharp increase of sales, mostly due to a shortage of rubbing alcohol.

...."iffy strip on St. Laurent and Ontario".....yes yes keep going.....

12. Posted by Q' (Travel Guru 1987 posts) 8y

Ahhh....so this is the Beerstani final attempt to salvage bankrupt economy after crashing the world beer trading markets through giving out sub-prime leases leveraged on fake beer production. We know you don't have the money to start a war. Give up now and we'll offer you.....let's see.....carry the 2.....$4.50 CDN (or equivalent to $957,890,781,478,230.81 USD) for your land and total assets.

[ Edit: Edited on Oct 27, 2008, at 5:06 AM by Q' ]

13. Posted by Herr Bert (Moderator 1384 posts) 8y

Quoting magykal1

I'm planning on invading Canada. I'll annex it to Beeristan.

If there is one country that should be a target for Beeristan, it should be Belgium ... everybody knows this small country has Beers of Mass Destruction hidden away in buildings disguised as cafés and bars. Invading this hostile place is in direct line with the Bush doctrine, of a pre-emptive invasion, (soundtrack by DJ Shadow.)

Herr Bert
(sees massive possibilities for the Beeristan Tourist board, once Belgium is a province of Beeristan).

--- You want a hangover? get to Beeristan! ---

14. Posted by tway (Travel Guru 7273 posts) 8y

Quoting Herr Bert

[--- You want a hangover? get to Beeristan! ---

--- Like to pee every 5 minutes? Then Beeristan's the place for you! ---

15. Posted by Q' (Travel Guru 1987 posts) 8y

----- Live the Beerstani dream ! Buy a big couch, gain 150lb and watch Nascar all day ! -----

16. Posted by Isadora (Travel Guru 13926 posts) 8y

Quoting Q'

Ahhh....so this is the Beerstani final attempt to salvage bankrupt economy after crashing the world beer trading markets through giving out sub-prime leases leveraged on fake beer production. We know you don't have the money to start a war. Give up now and we'll offer you.....let's see.....carry the 2.....$4.50 CDN (or equivalent to $957,890,781,478,230.81 USD) for your land and total assets.

Oh, oh, oh, you wacky Canuckistanis!!!! Beeristan has no money for this war????? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!!!!! You silly norther people - you jest and we laugh!!! Let's look at this logically, shall we???

  • Bankrupt economy - people drink
  • World beer trading markets crash - people drink
  • Sub-prime leases - people drink
  • Fake beer production - people drink
  • People drink so world beer trading markets improve - people drink more
  • Economy shows improvement do to drinking - people drink more
  • People forget about sub-prime leasing problems - people drink more
  • Fake beer production proves to be just a glut of light/lite (aka Canuckistani) beer - people drink more and more
  • Q does his math wrong - we all drink more and more and more

BEERISTAN = Beer Elevates Ever Rising International Status of True Alcohol Necessity

Now, we shall continue out attack on your wimpy beer industry as it can not hold a candle to Beeristan. Beeristan promises (at least) 3 bathrooms in every home so no one has to wait in line.

By the way - the Utahians have now conquered most of the Territories, British Columbia (because the Brits have a keen understanding of good beer - sort of), Alberta, Saskatchewan, and most of Manitoba. They don't drink so they have lots of conquering time on their hands. You (meaning most of Canuckistan) are too busy drinking those "other" beers to fight back. Mwahahahahahahahaha!!!!!

17. Posted by tway (Travel Guru 7273 posts) 8y

This just in!

Live floor show with all-you-can-eat cheese curds and Budweiser! Half off for visiting Utahian troops! Special "trade your gun in for a plate of nachos" special on 'till 8:30!

18. Posted by Isadora (Travel Guru 13926 posts) 8y

Quoting tway

This just in!

Live floor show with all-you-can-eat cheese curds and Budweiser! Half off for visiting Utahian troops! Special "trade your gun in for a plate of nachos" special on 'till 8:30!

Sorry - you lost them with the Budweiser... Oh, and the cheese curds/nachos. That's like throwing poutine at them. They might go for the gravy but that's about it. If you substitute the French fries for tator-tots and make it a "bake in the oven" casserole, you might have a chance. Just remember the cheese has to be "Farmer's cheese which is a white version of Kraft American (processed) cheese. They don't go for faux-French cheeses. These are Mormons. The invasion has not been subverted. Nice try, though...

19. Posted by tway (Travel Guru 7273 posts) 8y

Dang! I thought I had them with the gun special...

OK, our forces will plan a counter attack using the new King James and some secretly spiked lemonade. I think we can distract them long enough. If not, we can give them Prince Edward Island. I think it's about as exciting as Utah.

20. Posted by Brendan (Respected Member 1824 posts) 8y

We will never surrender!

There was a dream that was Canukistan... so fragile a mere whisper would crush it.