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11. Posted by Isadora (Travel Guru 13926 posts) 7y

Quoting chayisun

I mean what could possibly be bad about vegetables......

If T's link isn't enough to convince you then:

Top Ten Reasons Vegetables are Bad for Your Health
How Vegetables Reproduce
One More Reason Not To Trust Broccoli
Care For A Nibble...

12. Posted by chayisun (Budding Member 163 posts) 7y

It seems that there is an Axis of Evil within the vegetable world. There are evil vegetables...yes, there are. I am glad you folks have seen them.....There is one in particular......

The ringleader of evil vegetables is the tomato. Actually, and don't say this around a tomato, but they are a fruit. Don't call a tomato a fruit. Well, you can but I wouldn't recommend it. Tomatoes are touchy.

A tomato, when alone, is very benign but when in a group, they are called tomatoes. Tomatoes go out with prunes because they can't find a date.....Stewed tomatoes can be found in the salad....bar..... They are red and, therefore, communists who want to take over the world.

They also can give you heartburn and blotchy skin.

Tomatoes are good as ketchup because, being ketchup, they have been crushed and are not a threat. Also very good as tomato juice. They go great with French..excuse me..Freedom fries. Also, very good on hamburgers. Hamburgers are what's left of a cow.

But, beware of Tomatoes in groups.....particularly in supermarkets. Watch for them as they talk about you behind your back. They have been known to attack.

Broccoli is a friend of the tomato. To-gether they can be troublesome so keep them apart. Broccoli uses various disguises to hide. A favourite disguise is appearing as little trees and hiding in the vegetable bucket in the fridge....waiting.

Wives like broccoli and want to serve it ALL the time because, foolish people, they believe it is GOOD for you. HA! Broccoli is behind this rumour. They have hired evil people to spread this rumour. Broccoli wants you to believe it is good for you and that you MUST have it. Broccoli wants to take over the world..like the tomatoes. Beware....

Brussel Sprouts are foreigners who have infiltrated the vegetable world dressed up as miniture cabbages, but smaller. They are more dangerous than the cabbage as they have ESP.

Cabbage is another member of the Axis of Evil. They are large and a cabbage can read your mind. If you eat too much cabbage your hair will turn leafy.

Turnips hide behind the name rutabaga. God didn't like turnip. He invented them and, seeing how they were bad, He buried them. But people found them, renamed them rutabaga and now they are in supermarkets.

Carrots, on the other hand, are good vegetables. They are an orange colour, not to be confused with oranges which are fruits, I mean a member of the fruit family, I mean.....Anyway, Bugs Bunny loves them..the carrots..I'm not sure about oranges... as do goats, sheep and people.

It is said that carrots improve one's eyesight which is really important as you must watch out for the Axis of Evil..We KNOW who they are.....

Carrots hang around in bunches and are on guard for a possible tomato attack. Think of carrots as our early warning system. They are our friends.

Lettuce is a good vegetable but it has a habit of joining tomatoes in salads. While in there tomatoes attempt to sway lettuce to THEIR side. I know. I hear them talking.....

13. Posted by Isadora (Travel Guru 13926 posts) 7y

There are some other Axis of Evil members which have been sorely omitted from this list, Chayisun...

Bean sprouts - these little buggers may taste good when they are sprout-sized but they grow up to be... Well... Beans. They are so bad when full-grown that people try to disguise them in things like baked beans, refried beans (why fry them the first time let alone refry them?), tofu, 3 bean salad, dillybeans, and the list goes on and on. Beans are only good when captured and dispensed with at a very early age - before their spawn have time to grow and sprout on their own. The only good bean is a jellybean, but not the pink ones because they taste like bad perfume.

Beets - anything that turns your fingers, tongue, teeth and pee deep red can't be good for you. It teams up with sour cream to make really unusual looking pink food. Maybe pink jellybeans are made out of beets and sour cream. It would explain the taste.

Eggplant - there is something terribly wrong with a vegetable that, when cooked, has the consistency of a meat by-product and has seeds. It's unnatural. Pretty on the outside but the inside - it's offal (or awful, take your pick). Don't let eggplants fool you. They team up with tomatoes and hide under melted cheeses.

Peas - these cute little green round things are sneaky. They draw you in with their tiny size, sweet flavor (when raw) and crunch. BUT, put them anywhere near warm water and they get all mushy and turn this color that can only be described as... Well... I can't even say it without... You get the picture.

14. Posted by tway (Travel Guru 7273 posts) 7y

What, no mushrooms on the list? They are THE most disgusting food on the planet! What other edible element grows in the shower, between your toes and in damp, woodsy areas? Then you get a gazillion different types of the things--half of which are delicacies that cost $1,000 a gram, and the other half of which can kill you.

Craziness.

15. Posted by Isadora (Travel Guru 13926 posts) 7y

Quoting tway

What, no mushrooms on the list? They are THE most disgusting food on the planet! What other edible element grows in the shower, between your toes and in damp, woodsy areas? Then you get a gazillion different types of the things--half of which are delicacies that cost $1,000 a gram, and the other half of which can kill you.

Craziness.

So right you are, T!!! I forgot about the dastardly, and potentially deadly, mushroom. There are some really pretty yellow ones that grow in the basement behind the water tank too. I don't think I would try eating them... And, those that go for $1000 an ounce can only be found by pigs or dogs. These are two animals who are known for sticking their noses in each other's butts. I mean dogs sniff dogs and pigs sniff pigs, though I'm sure dogs have sniffed pigs and pigs have sniffed dogs at some point. Either way, do I trust the food they find by sticking their noses in the dirt? No! Chances are, it's not the truffles they actually smell but whatever animal scented the dirt of top of those truffles and it just so happens a truffle was minding it's own business.

16. Posted by magykal1 (Travel Guru 2026 posts) 7y

Quoting Isadora

Peas - these cute little green round things are sneaky. They draw you in with their tiny size, sweet flavor (when raw) and crunch. BUT, put them anywhere near warm water and they get all mushy and turn this color that can only be described as... Well... I can't even say it without... You get the picture.

They're supposed to go mushy.... God made them to go with pie....

17. Posted by Isadora (Travel Guru 13926 posts) 7y

Quoting magykal1

Quoting Isadora

Peas - these cute little green round things are sneaky. They draw you in with their tiny size, sweet flavor (when raw) and crunch. BUT, put them anywhere near warm water and they get all mushy and turn this color that can only be described as... Well... I can't even say it without... You get the picture.

They're supposed to go mushy.... God made them to go with pie....

With pie????????????

18. Posted by tway (Travel Guru 7273 posts) 7y

Quoting magykal1

Quoting Isadora

Peas - these cute little green round things are sneaky. They draw you in with their tiny size, sweet flavor (when raw) and crunch. BUT, put them anywhere near warm water and they get all mushy and turn this color that can only be described as... Well... I can't even say it without... You get the picture.

They're supposed to go mushy.... God made them to go with pie....

You know, the UK had quite a thing going with The Beatles. But this whole mushy-pea fiasco is bringing the whole place down.

Mushy peas. What's next, squished artichoke? Stomped rutabega? Blugeoned beet root? Madness!

19. Posted by chayisun (Budding Member 163 posts) 7y

All I said was that I liked Chinese food. We have gone from my liking Chinese food to pigs and dogs getting sorta intimate with each other while trying to find mushrooms, while others, not the pigs and dogs, mind you, are mashing peas. Apparently, God made peas to be mashed and go with pie.

I know pie. Cherry pie, pumpkin pie....I have yet to find mashed peas in pie. If God wanted to put peas in pie then He didn't think about pumpkin pie and cherry pie....Well, He probably did but had other things to do..Like get those pigs to find mushrooms.

As for beets, they can be used to dye clothes. Indian tribes used to use beets to dye feathers. Beets can also be used to paint stuff.

As for egg plant, I can't figure out how someone came up with that name. Hard as I look I have yet to find an egg in them. Other than that, I like them. I'm told I do as Sue cooks them a lot....Along with that OTHER favourite of mine, brocolli....AND Bean Sprouts which is a staple of Chinese cooking..Well, most of the time......

Back to the pigs. I like pigs. They are, apparently, very smart. I really feel sorry for pigs as they are used for pork chops. It makes me sad to see a plateful of pork chops. Not THAT sorry that I won't eat them. However, I feel bad when I eat pork chops. Not THAT sad, though. I remember being chased by a large boar pig when I was a kid. All I do, when I'm eating pork chops, is pretend that the pork on my plate is THAT boar.....

20. Posted by Isadora (Travel Guru 13926 posts) 7y

Quoting chayisun

All I said was that I liked Chinese food.

Well, that's different now isn't it... Since that's all you said, we had to give ourselves something to discuss. Look at it from our perspective, all of the vegetables mentioned are used in Chinese cooking somewhere in the world. I think Poland uses beets in their stir-fry for a lack of bean sprouts. Italy uses eggplant in their stir-fry for a lack of bamboo shoots. Everyone has mushrooms growing so everyone puts them in their stir-fry. That should be outlawed. They use pea pods while they are still babies, before they have time to grow up and get mushy. When that happens someone sticks them in pie. Whoever heard of a pecan & pea pie?

Since I know for a fact that you also had a bit of a run-in with some chickens - how do you feel when served eggs? Or, are they one of the "not good for you" foodstuffs?