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Kim Il Jung

Travel Forums Off Topic Kim Il Jung

1. Posted by chayisun (Budding Member 163 posts) 8y Star this if you like it!

It has been reported that Kim Il Jong, the Great Leader of North Korea is being treated by a brain surgeon from France.

North Korean officials denied the report saying the President for Life, the Great Leader, is in excellent health and his brain scan showed nothing was there.

In other news about the Great Leader:

North Korean president Kim Jung ll has just won the North Korean weightlifting championship when he defeated 585 competitors.

He won the championship on his very first lift, an astonishing 795 pounds, which shattered the current world record, whatever IT might have been.

We had a chance to talk to the person who finished in second place, 9 year old Jung Gee Kim...

"So, what was it like to compete in the weight lifting championships?"

"It was an honour to compete against our Great Leader and see what a magnificent physique he has...I mean, we had no chance."

"Were you not the oldest competitor in this competition?"

"Well, that what I was told but I think our beloved President and Great Leader may have been a few years older than me."

"So, Jung, what was your top lift in the competition?"

" I was fortunate to lift 27 pounds but, after my first lift, I was told our President lifted 795 pounds..which is amazing!"

"That is amazing. Did you witness that lift by President Kim?"

"Well, no..we were told that is what he lifted and, of course, it must be true!."

After the competition President Kim decided that he wanted to play a round of golf. In order to get to the golf course it was necessary to fly a plane to the course.

President Kim took the controls and, though he had never flown a plane before, took off with absolutely no problem and made a perfect landing!

At the 18 hole golf course he made 15 holes in one and birdied the other 3 holes, which, in itself is amazing, as he had never played golf before....

President Kim, it was announced, will compete in the first North Korean Worker's Paradise Marathon on Tuesday morning. Under normal circumstances, a marathon is just a little over 26 miles but this marathon will consist of the distance President Kim will actually run..about 30 yards.

Then President Kim will compete in the first annual North Korean Ballroom dancing championship Tuesday evening. He will dance with himself.

2. Posted by Utrecht (Moderator 5635 posts) 8y Star this if you like it!

So, was it Kim Il Sung or Kim Jong Il?;)

You know that all records in the Guiness Book of World Records are actually his?

3. Posted by tway (Travel Guru 7273 posts) 8y Star this if you like it!

I hear he recently married himself and is expecting to give birth to himself in the spring...

4. Posted by chayisun (Budding Member 163 posts) 8y Star this if you like it!

I heard that. Not only did he marry himself but he took himself and his bride, himself, to the Pyongyang Kim Il Jong Hilton for the wedding night.

According to reports the wedding night was the most exciting thing to happen to the hotel in years....Well, like, forever. The next morning the bride himself blushingly said that the Great Leader was the greatest lover in the world as he spent the night chasing himself around the bedroom eventually catching himself and setting another record for being the only world leader to go so fast to catch himself....I have no idea what I just typed........Well, let's just say he enjoyed himself.

After the very tiring night the Great Leader decided to go swimming in the hotel pool.

He completed 167 laps in less than 15 minutes, most of that underwater, another record, and then went back to the honeymoon suite to visit himself.

HE now intends to make his bride, himself, Queen of North Korea so he, as Queen, can wear dresses and carry a purse and wear high heels so that he can be taller.

5. Posted by Isadora (Travel Guru 13926 posts) 8y Star this if you like it!

The Great Leader also does not need the glasses that he wears because he was 20/0 vision. He can actually see for miles and miles and miles with absolute clarity. (No sneaking up on this guy.) He wears the glasses as a fashion accessory because they accentuate his boyish good looks which he describes as the equivalent of a Greek sculpture. Oh, and he personally created all of the Greek sculptures himself in just 24 hours. He has ordered several pairs of these glasses in hot pink for his bride, the Queen of North Korea (himself) to match the handbag, high heels and assorted dresses. He has a complete closet of pink tutus because he will be performing Swan Lake as a one-man/Queen show later this evening.

6. Posted by chayisun (Budding Member 163 posts) 8y Star this if you like it!

Actually, President for life, The Great Leader, composed the music from Swan Lake.

At the ballet, as mentioned, he did, indeed, dance, not only with himself, but danced with real swans. His pirouette's brought the audience to it's feet and the thunderous applause actually shook the building.

After the ballet the Great Leader met with himself to congratulate himself on a great performance.

He immediately left to hurry home to be with himself and to finish writing an opera which he is going to call Great Leader of the Opera. It's about a God like figure from North Korea who lives in an opera house and peeps at the ballerinas. When it is completed...The Great Leader can complete the score for an opera in 35 minutes....He plans on playing all the parts. His singing is so powerful that he can, when he hits those high notes, shatter 72 beer bottles at once.

To show everyone that he is interested in the little people the Great Leader Kim Jong Il recently inspected a collective farm and found some cute little pigs. He decided to have a picture taken with those pigs.

That evening, a North Korean newspaper editor was put in the awkward situation of writing a caption for that picture to go in the paper.

“Well… ‘Comrade Kim Jong Il among pigs..’”

“No, ‘The pigs are with Comrade Kim Jong Il.’”

“That doesn't work either.”

Finally, the paper was published the next day with the caption, ‘Comrade Kim Jong Il is third from the left.’

The Great Leader's next project is to invent the internet. When told that the former Vice President of the United States, Al Gore invented the internet the Great Leader said that the internet Gore invented was nothing compared to the one the Great Leader would invent.....AND, it would only take HIM 10 minutes to do so!

To-morrow he will be leaving for a trip to the South Korean border to throw rocks at the capital, Seoul, which is 35 miles away. He will be aiming for Samsung's headquarters and will break the windows in the building with his powerful throws.

Also, now that the honeymoon with himself is over he can get back to another project...moving North Korea to the moon on a rocket he will build himself. Of course, first he must finish building the pyramids in his backyard.......Also, in his spare time, he is cloning himself......