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How do people act around you when you come back?

Travel Forums General Talk How do people act around you when you come back?

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1. Posted by LoreleiLee (Budding Member 70 posts) 7y

This is going to sound really stupid but Im starting to get worried about losing friends who I am leaving behind when I go on my RTW trip. Most of my friends are pretty 'settled' mortgages, long term partners, and babies etc. I have a steady job but Im giving it up to fulfil my lifetime ambition to travel.
Already some of my friends are acting funny around me, one wont even let me mention travelling when Im with her and another one had basically stopped talking to me!? Im just a bit afraid I guess that I will have no friends when I return

Has anyone else had any similar experiences?

2. Posted by Utrecht (Moderator 5595 posts) 7y

Haven't got any bad experiences at all myself, but to give at least some advice: if they really are friends they will support you to go and enjoy! The examples you mentioned are really strange and personally if those were my friends I would certainly not talk to them anymore.
There is no rule in life that says in which way somebody has to live and want to do things, but I have a feeling that some people who have that settled lifes are either totally not interested in it, or actually want to travel themselves but are stuck in their lives.
Enjoy LoreleiLee!

3. Posted by LoreleiLee (Budding Member 70 posts) 7y

Thanks Utrecht :) I suppose its just annoyed me a bit because I have been friends with them since I was a teenager!

4. Posted by flipinyank (Budding Member 2 posts) 7y

You know what they say, you know who your real friends are when you move away. Ever since I moved to Northern Ireland, my friends do not contact me anymore. I have contaced them via email and phone to see how they are doing. I have only been here for a year and I've recently gone back to the states for a visit. i figured maybe they were busy because they weren't responding to my emails? They too have mortgages and kids. When I was back, I called them so we can have coffee/dinner/lunch and catch up. I left voicemail after voicemail and they never returned my call. I finally caught one friend but she flaked. I was in the states for 3 months before I went back to Norn Iron. It was sad and wondered if I did anything wrong. The weird thing is when I check the sitemeter for my blog, I discovered a lot of these same friends have been lurking regularly, I can tell it's them because of the referring link that I posted in my emails to them. It is very strange. I don't know. I guess they think your life is so different than theirs that they don't have anything in common with you anymore? It makes me think whether they are really friends or not because friends don't abandon you like that.

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[ Edit: Sorry, no promos please. ]

5. Posted by t_maia (Travel Guru 3289 posts) 7y

Flippingyank, makes me think you should write the very same things you just wrote here into your blog that your friends are following.

[ Edit: Edited on 25-Feb-2009, at 15:13 by t_maia ]

6. Posted by tway (Travel Guru 7273 posts) 7y

Your friends may be sad you're going, too. They may be thinking about how much they'll miss you. Good friends will always support you, though, so try talking to them to see what's wrong and maybe set up a way to keep in touch regularly. Let them know how much they mean to you and that you'll miss them, too. Then go and live your dream!

7. Posted by soupatrvlr (Respected Member 385 posts) 7y

sometimes when people, maybe even our friends or family, cannot understand our motivation to do something, it scares them, and so they pull away, or criticize our ambitions, or maybe even stop talking to us for a time. don't let it bother you my friend. they all come round in the end, and you'll probably learn that it was out of this fear that they were struggling with your plans. your true friends will work through this and support you better than ever! And you will always have friends here on TP to talk about your travels and all your plans!

8. Posted by baluba (Respected Member 407 posts) 7y

Purely and simply, I believe this is just envy. As you say, most of your friends are 'settled down' with mortgages and families. When I was planning my year away so many of my friends who were 'settled' responded that they wished they could do something like that but with so many major commitments didn't feel able. Many people have a dream to do what you are doing but lack the courage to just get up and go. It is quite scary, leaving all your securities behind and especially not knowing what, if anything you are going to return to.
On the day that I returned I went to a party and after general queries of 'nice holiday?' etc., everyone then proceeded to tell me their stories of what had happened to them in the past year and how wonderful their lives were. They had no interest in the experiences I had had. It was only later that they admitted their jealousy and how dull they felt their lives were.
Strangely though, since I started popping away for a few days every month, my friends are much more interested and can't wait to hear my stories and know where am I off to next. Maybe they have just got used to my life and use me as a distraction from their own.

Don't worry about your friends, they will still be there when you return. I will bet that if you express to them how lucky they are with their nice home, beautiful babies and secure jobs, they will look at you aghast and reply that you are indeed the lucky one! Just don't expect them to revel in your tales from foreign lands, leave that for readers of TP...we just can't wait to hear all about it!

9. Posted by soupatrvlr (Respected Member 385 posts) 7y

Quoting baluba

On the day that I returned I went to a party and after general queries of 'nice holiday?' etc., everyone then proceeded to tell me their stories of what had happened to them in the past year and how wonderful their lives were. They had no interest in the experiences I had had.

I have had the exact same experience. And I hear the exact same things from people about how they wish they could travel etc...the bottom line is, they could if they chose to do so, even with kids. It does take courage to up and leave it all behind for what may lay before you. Besides, life is too short to hold off your dreams. You have to go for it now, not later. As for your friends, like Clare said, they will be around when you get back. Maybe, right now, even if you don't know it, they are looking forward to living life vicariously through you.

10. Posted by tway (Travel Guru 7273 posts) 7y

I think some people think it's "immature" to travel (not vacation to the beach, but travel-travel) once you grow up and have responsibilities.

I'm reading Steinbeck's Travels with Charlie, and the book starts like this:

"When I was very young and the urge to be someplace was on me, I was assured by mature people that maturity would cure this itch. When years described me as mature, the remedy prescribed was middle age. In middle age I was assured that greater age would calm my fever and now that I am fifty-eight perhaps senility will do the job. Nothing has worked.... In other words, I don’t improve, in further words, once a bum always a bum. I fear the disease is incurable."