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Quick guides to help us through the recession . . .

Travel Forums Off Topic Quick guides to help us through the recession . . .

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1. Posted by mikeyBoab (Travel Guru 5077 posts) 7y

SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk
away.

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.

SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead.

ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND VENTURE CAPITALISM

You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit
opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with
an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax
exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman
Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights
to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with
nine cows.
No balance sheet is provided with the release which says something like "A valuable lesson has been learned."
The public then buys your bull.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three
cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce
twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it
worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk
themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the crap out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive

2. Posted by Jase007 (Travel Guru 8870 posts) 7y

"A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive"

Hey mikey, you trying to say something here? shall we get you a stool for xmas? haha ha

3. Posted by beerman (Respected Member 1631 posts) 7y

I like the Surrealism version. Makes about as much sense as anything big business has thrown at the meager public lately.

I miss the Jase and Mikey Show. I've seen all the re-runs twice....is there going to be another season someday?

4. Posted by Jase007 (Travel Guru 8870 posts) 7y

Quoting beerman

I like the Surrealism version. Makes about as much sense as anything big business has thrown at the meager public lately.

I miss the Jase and Mikey Show. I've seen all the re-runs twice....is there going to be another season someday?

A season or session? cos i'm out for a session tonight in Rio

5. Posted by Isadora (Travel Guru 13926 posts) 7y

Quoting Jase007

Quoting beerman

I like the Surrealism version. Makes about as much sense as anything big business has thrown at the meager public lately.

I miss the Jase and Mikey Show. I've seen all the re-runs twice....is there going to be another season someday?

A season or session? cos i'm out for a session tonight in Rio

Good luck with that!

How about a reunion tour? It seems to be the big thing this year...

6. Posted by james (Travel Guru 4136 posts) 7y

Quoting Jase007

Quoting beerman

I like the Surrealism version. Makes about as much sense as anything big business has thrown at the meager public lately.

I miss the Jase and Mikey Show. I've seen all the re-runs twice....is there going to be another season someday?

A season or session? cos i'm out for a session tonight in Rio

Be careful. Some of those girls are not really girls. If you get in a car with one of them, make sure it has a sunroof so you can make a quick getaway if you have to

7. Posted by Erik85 (Respected Member 274 posts) 7y

Haha very interesting.

For some reason the Indian Corporation made me laugh the most

8. Posted by mikeyBoab (Travel Guru 5077 posts) 7y

Quoting Jase007

"A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive"

Hey mikey, you trying to say something here? shall we get you a stool for xmas? haha ha

That one was for your benefit matey . . .

9. Posted by Jase007 (Travel Guru 8870 posts) 7y

Quoting mikeyBoab

Quoting Jase007

"A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive"

Hey mikey, you trying to say something here? shall we get you a stool for xmas? haha ha

That one was for your benefit matey . . .

Sticking to sheep are you, join the kiwi revolution grab a stool

10. Posted by t_maia (Travel Guru 3289 posts) 7y

You missed a part, the story goes like this:

A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, milk
themselves and the methane from their digestion system comes out as seperate liquid to be sold as biofuel for cars.
You then sell both cows to a Chinese Company to produce milk and wonder when the Chinese Company breeds them. All Germans end up buying milk and cows from China.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.
You sell their shit as gober gas.

[ Edit: Edited on 28-Mar-2009, at 18:00 by t_maia ]