...Following the big birthday boo-boo during the Norwegia adventure (sorry again, Malia!), Captain Isa has been spending this trip in her cabin working on her jokes, feeling guilty about the mix-up and trying to read her own handwriting. She thinks she has deciphered the next destination and birthday wish recipient. As the ship sails into New York Harbor, past Liberty Island with that famous lady's statue planted in the middle of it, the crew docks at Ellis Island. "What are we doing here?" "Well Captain, we're docking in New York." "No, this is Ellis Island. New York is over there. See it?" "No, all those big buildings are in the way." "Bingo! New York - the place with lots and lots of big buildings. This is Ellis Island which is part of Statue of Liberty National Monument. You docked at a museum. Back out of this parking space and head for those big skyscapers over there." "But Captain, all immigrants come through here so shouldn't we stay and look for the birthday girl?" No, first, immigrants do not enter through here anymore and our birthday girl is a temporary resident. Now head for the city and be quick!" The crew back the ship away from the pier and head for the real port authority.
"Captain, how are we going to find her with all these people milling around?" Well, I remember she said she played with some session musicians on Sundays in a bar. Today is Sunday so maybe we'll just hit all the bars until we find her... And with that, the crew sets out to scour the city but not without a bit of song to pass the time...
Eight line machine and a sailor's daughter
Somethin' makes 'em crazy growin' up on the water
Playin' for my supper six nights a week
Hurricanes, Easter and New Years Eve
Four tin walls now there ain't much left
Lookin' like a homeless
Cheers on meth Homer's in the corner, breakin' up a fight
Good Lord, I hope I get paid tonight I got a gig, baby
Burnt fried chicken and Lone Star beer
Cops and the kids drink free 'round here
Girl, behind the bar is takin' what she's givin'
Lyin' about her past and tryin' to make a livin'
Broke pool table and some hard luck cues
Go tell your mama, I done paid my dues
Every one around here knows my name
Six nights a week in the neon flame I got a gig, baby I got a gig
There's an old lion tamer parked behind the bar
Hundred pounds of weed in a stolen car
Oil patch boys and girls who went to college
Rules you don't break and laws that ain't acknowledged
Barefoot shrimper with a pistol up his sleeve
Some will go to Heaven, some will never leave
Pills in the tip jar, blood on the strings
Oh Lord, I never thought I'd see these things I got a gig, baby I got a gig
HAPPY BIRTHDAY EV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Here's hoping a wonderful birthday (April 5th) filled with friends, food, dance and drinks - lots of drinks - tons and tons of drinks!!!! Pitchers of Margaritas all around!!!!!! Enjoy the day!!!!!!
And as the crew continues to search every bar, pub, beer joint, coffee house and juke place in the city, the Captain hopes Ev's company hasn't moved her to Philly yet... Boy, would that be embarrassing... Not Captain Isa's fault....
[ Edit: Edited because it needed it. ]
..........and in a flash of red, white, and blue, accompanied by the entire infield of the New York Yankees singing "Danny Boy" and tap dancing just a bit, comes Admiral Beerman, replete in his finest massive chestwig and bright American-type speedo............
Hallllllooooooooooo Miss Ev, it is I, Admiral Beerman, here to make Happy at you on this, your Most Happy of Happy Days!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! For this occassion, I make Happy in most American of styles......red, white, and blue speedo, complete with "Kiss Me, I'm Irish" stenciled onto crotch area. Is nice, yes no? Beerman has two very special gifts to make at you today. Feerst, please to accept Massive red, white, and blue chestwig, for you to make blend into American society. Is all of rage on Broadway, you are wait and see. And for two, Beerman has made book of phrase for you to also make blend into American society of New Yorks. Is very important to make act like New Yorkser when tap dancing down street like typical pedestrian person. Inside you will make find many handy phrases and accents to blend-in like is necessary so as not to stick out like tourist person, because as all America makes know, New Yorks is very dangerous place if you are not make know of local customs. For to example, when asking local person for direction, always begin sentence with "Hey you person, where in Hell I am? How are you to make me get to (insert street or building name here)?" Every New Yorkser will know of this phrase and will help and make assist of you to go where you are wanting. Also, every New Yorkser person always makes greet of newcomer persons with customary one-finger wave. Many will make face of interesting look when waving. Is very important to hold back on phrase "Hey asshole, you are friend, yes?" until after you are coming to know local peoples. Many local persons will also sound different than anyone else in known world. They may say things like New Yawk when talking about homeland. Many times, Beerman has heard quaint sayings like "F*cker of mother, get out of f*cking cab right now or I make falafel of your back end". Is all kind of quaint sayings to make learn to blend in to good society. When walking down pedestrian street, Beerman always makes success with "Hey good looking, why are you in way of Beerman." Is great ice breaker for making meet peoples of opposite sexiness, especially on sidewalks crowded with walking people. Please to make study of phrase book so you will make to become accepted in City of Never Sleeping.
Beerman makes hugs and kisses at you, Miss Ev.
.......and in a blinding flash of red, white, and blue light, followed by 43 cars of New Yorks Cities Department of Policing Things, leaves Beerman, off in search of many bars where crew of pirate ship makes to look for honky-tonk piano playing woman of Irish place. Beerman makes to grab a few bottles of rum in meantime....must re-stock galley for next voyage of Happy, and see landmark Island of Ellis.......oooh, and Yanker Stadium......and publics library where was filmed Ghostbusters......and Island of Rikers, where many mens visit to spend days in shelter.....and place where Broadway makes sing and dance, for someday Beerman will show whole world that Michael Flatley would have been better in a Massive chestwig and green speedos......
Happy Birthday Ev!
Hope you have a great day wherever you are (I remember you wanting to celebrate it somewhere in Colombia or Venezuela right?)
All the best, wherever you are!
Happy Birthday, Ev! Hope you're having a fabulous time with lots of red wine, wherever you are!
I use every way possible to make sure you get my messages .
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Ev!
Hope it's as great as you are!
Happy Birthday Ev! Hope you have a great one.
Yeah! It's your birthday! Hope its a good time!
Woot; congrats Ev!! Where are you celebrating?!