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Showers

Travel Forums Off Topic Showers

1. Posted by Airfix (Full Member 99 posts) 11y

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN !

Take off clothing and place it in a sectioned laundry basket according to lights, darks, whites, man made or natural.

Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If husband is seen along the way cover any exposed flesh and rush to the bathroom.

Look at womanly physique in the mirror and stick out belly. Complain and whine about getting fat.

Get in shower. Look for facecloth, armcloth, loincloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.

Wash hair once with Cucumber and Lamphrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.

Wash hair again with Cucumber and Lamphrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.

Condition hair with Cucumber and Lamphrey conditioner with enhanced natural crocus oil.

Leave on hair for 15 minutes.

Wash face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes until red raw.

Wash rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.

Rinse conditioner off hair taking at least 15 minutes to make sure that it's all come off.

Scream loudly when husband flushes toilet and water loses pressure and turns red hot.

Turn off shower. Clean all wet shower surfaces. Spray mould spots with Flash bathroom spray.

Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of small African country.

Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel.

Check entire body for remotest sign of spots. Attack with nails or tweezers if found.

Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If husband is seen, cover any exposed areas and then rush to bedroom to spend half an hour getting dressed.

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN !

Take off clothes while sitting on bed and leave them in pile on floor.

Walk naked to bathroom. If wife is seen, shake knob at her making "Woo-woo" sound.

Look at manly physique in mirror and suck in gut to admire size of knob.

Scratch privates and smell fingers for one last whiff.

Get in shower. Don't bother to look for wash cloth - don't use one. Wash face and armpits.

Laugh at how loud farts sound in the shower.

Wash privates and the surrounding area.

Wash arse, leaving hair on soap.

Shampoo hair but do not use conditioner. Make shampoo Mohican.

Pull back curtain to see self in mirror.

Pee in shower.

Rinse off and get out of shower.

Fail to notice water on floor because shower curtain was outside bath for whole shower time.

Partially dry off.

Look at self in mirror again, flex muscles and admire size of knob (again).

Leave shower curtains open and wet bath mat on floor.

Leave bathroom light and fan on.

Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, grab knob, go "Yeah baby" and thrust pelvis at her.

Put on yesterday's clothes.

2. Posted by travelover (Respected Member 494 posts) 11y

Hahaha! You gotta love the difference between the sexes, although I must say that I'm not nearly as compulsive as the woman! Sectioned laundry bins would be wonderful though! Eliminates half the work!

Tam

3. Posted by michellemm (Full Member 109 posts) 11y

Hahaha!!! Very funny!!

Almost everything is true! hahaha!!!

4. Posted by perth (Budding Member 15 posts) 11y

Seriously funny, I had a good laugh, thanks:)

5. Posted by lil j (Travel Guru 1303 posts) 11y

oh that is just BRILLIANT!!!!!!!!!

but scarily slighlty true i must add...

6. Posted by tway (Travel Guru 7273 posts) 11y

Ha! Scarily true, indeed...!

I'd add one, too, for the men: forget to rinse off face and then ask why it stings so much...