In 2 weeks I am moving from home (USA) to the UK to live with my boyfriend of 2 years.
My mother is taking this really hard. I'm really close to my mother, so this is hard for me too. I know I'm gonna be homesick, but that's something everyone has to deal with.
I just wanna know what I can do to ease my mother's pain. She told me she's going to die of a broken heart. This is really killing me.
I guess I needed to vent somewhere.
Thanks for listening.
Spend as much time as possible with your Mom before you leave
I officially left home at the age of 21 (after uni etc) and my mum found it really difficult to cope. She said although she had been preparing for me to leave home for 21 years, the reality of me never living at home with her and my dad ever again really hit hard. Maybe it's because I am an only child and I was really close to my parents, they were more like a brother and sister to me.
I remember having conversations with her about having to lead my own life, being an adult. I talked about how much I loved my boyfriend and how we had to live together and start our own life together. My mum has since told me (6 years on!) that she was really badly depressed in the first six months after I left, but gradually she started to see the benefits in not having me at home - that is she had more money! she could have more interests and hobbies and she went out more with friends. She said the first six months were the worst and it got better from there.
A bit of a ramble there, but I suppose what I am trying to say is talk to your mum and explain the reasons why you are moving to the UK to be with your boyfriend. Tell her that you would have to leave home at some point and you can still visit and she can come and visit you - and have a nice holiday in the process! Tell her the pain will get better in the end.
The only heart you have to be concerned of in this world is your own. Not that you should go around deliberately hurting people, but only you know what's best for you - and you can't be concerned about ensuring other people's happiness. That's their responsibility and their job.
I don't mean to sound harsh, but sometimes others rely on us to make them happy. And we can't. We can only ake ourselves happy. And when we do that, we become better people and are better able to pass that happiness along.
I'm sure your mother will look back on your decision and be proud to have such a brave and adventurous daughter.
Good luck and lots of peace and happiness!
I have to agree with Tway, you have to lead your own life and your mother will have to accept it, in my own case when i told my dad the other day i was thinking of living abroad ( got a few idea's into my head last week - don't ask !!) he just said cool someone to stay with abroad..... i know its a different case but if you are very close to your mom she will come to respect your wishes and be glad that you are so happy ... good luck ....
Mothers are good at playing the "guilt" card, doing it because they love you and don't feel they can protect you from afar. In their minds - it's worth a shot anyway... Over time, you mother will resign herself to your move once she sees that you are happy - and after she gets that first overseas phone bill! Expect calls on a regular basis - and the laying down of another "guilt" card every so often.
I agree, make time for her before you leave. Involve her in your plans, packing, etc. Since the move is an absolute, let her comments flow over you like water - that is, avoid arguing about it all just before you leave. That pain will take it's toll on both of you more than the move alone.
No one has ever died of a broken heart. And, if at some point your relationship ends, your mother will be right there to pick up the pieces (and say "I told you so..."). It's time to find your own wings. (She may enjoy a chorus or two of "Homesick Blues" as you board the plane!)
Good luck in finding your own way. Your mother will find hers too.