I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw this story on the internet this morning:
In a bold and highly coordinated two-pronged attack in the early morning hours, agents of the corporation known as "Twitter" simultaneously attacked the company headquarters of Travellerspoint.com, determined to make it a subsidiary. Residents in both Oslo, Norway and Melbourne, Australia awoke to gunfire blistering through the calm. Elite "Twitterati", highly trained mercenaries of the shadowy company, descended on the two homes of the owners of Travellerspoint.com and immediately claimed ownership of the site. There were no reports of injuries to the owners or their families, but 6 of the intruders were fatally wounded by applesauce and whipped peas flung with spoons by the children of the owners. Four of the mercenaries managed to escape the creamy onslaught, and, while fleeing the scenes, contacted their headquarters signaling their success. Tweets and re-tweets rang out across the world, and a stunned global populace simply stood in silence. In a 140 character statement from the CEO of Twitter, victory was theirs. "We will not stand idly by as travelers around the globe have access to the unlimited resources of Travellerspoint.com and the community s" - (next message) - "pirit shared by hundreds of thousands of like-minded people when we can control their every thought and action through short messages and" - (next message) - "horrendously misspelled text-speak." The CEO continued, saying that from this point forward, every thread and every blog posted to Twitterspoint.com shall be no more than 140 characters in length, and photos uploaded can be no more than 40x40 low resolution pixels. "Travelers of the world must realize that we are the world, we are the children, and tomorrow will be a better day", demanded the CEO. "All forum posts will be preceded by hash tags - #I want to go to Mongolia, for example".
Fox News jumped on the story, and quotes coming out of the main newsroom were classically nationalistic. "It's about time these foreign owned companies were in the hands of good, God-Fearing Americans. How are we to survive as a nation if Oslov" -(next message) - "ians and Melbourneites have control of the traveling public. There should be full body scans, fingerprinting, and blood tests for anyone w" - (next message) - "anting to travel to countries other than the good old US of A. It's our duty as patriots to ensure the security of this country through force and intimidation".
Ownership of the previously-known-as Travellerspoint.com were somewhat sublime during their news interviews. Sam-I-Am was reported as saying "I was just finishing a nice beer and getting ready to settle in for the evening, when suddenly 8 armed men kicked their way through the screen door on my back porch. If it wasn't for the lethality of whipped peas, we'd be goners". His brother Peter was equally shaken: "It was just after lunch here, and I was writing more code for the site, when these 8 lunatics armed with smart phones and machine guns leaped through the living room window. Good thing I have those chickens in the yard, because they made such a noise that it distracted the mercenaries long enough for my boy to fling his lunch at them. I really don't understand what these people want. We love social media".
Crazy world, isn't it?
[ Edit: Edited on 02-Apr-2011, at 11:11 by beerman ]