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Adopted Children

Travel Forums Off Topic Adopted Children

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1. Posted by Wocca (Inactive 3745 posts) 11y

Should an adopted child be told about his/her biological parents?

2. Posted by Rraven (Travel Guru 5924 posts) 11y

i don't think you could have a general answer as every situation is different,

3. Posted by angela_ (Respected Member 1732 posts) 11y

I think it should be told, but at an age when he/she can understand it. No use telling a 3 year old that it's parents aren't it's real parents. Maybe at 16 or something.

4. Posted by WeeJoe (Respected Member 336 posts) 11y

I watched a documentary about this recently and in the past, because of the social stigma attached to having children outside marriage, a lot of young mothers were literally forced to give their children up for adoption, horrible to see people who have harboured pain for so many years and how the loss of a child can absolutely destroy the life of the mother who wakes up every day with a wretched void that can never be filled. The relationship between a mother and her child has to be the strongest human bond there is, and to see these women who lost children, not to death or disaster, but to the weakness of elders in the face of social pressure, was heart-wrenching to say the least. One woman was reunited with her son who was taken from her as a baby and was now in his 50's with a family of his own, he had only found out after the death of his adopted parents that they were not his biological parents, his real mothers joy was difiicult to watch, years of anguish gone in an instant.

5. Posted by Kingwindle (Respected Member 301 posts) 11y

Quoting Raven

i don't think you could have a general answer as every situation is different,

Exactly

6. Posted by Isadora (Travel Guru 13926 posts) 11y

First, are the biological parents part of the child's life - as is the case in many adoptions of late? Let's say no, they are not.

A child should be told IF and when they pose the question of their own volition. Adoptive parents should not take for granted that their child will want to know such information, and depending on the age - that they will be able to process the answers without negative ramifications. As long as the child knows that they can talk openly about anything with their adopted parents, they will bring up the subject when they are ready. Never should an adopted parent hide the adoption itself from the child, but the details are not always necessary nor wanted. Lying is not an option either, the truth always surfaces.

I am the youngest of 3 biological siblings. Due to some rather nasty circumstances, I and my older brother were placed for adoption. The oldest brother remained with our biological mother. We all know each other and our history. I asked when I was ready to know and thought I could handle what I would hear. My brother was told as a way to make him behave or he would be sent back. He's still a very angry man.

7. Posted by MattXIII (Full Member 272 posts) 11y

My parents foster, the kid see's his grandparents and sister. But no way in hell should he see his biological parents. (Reasons i cannot say even on this forum).

When their old enough they can be told why they were adopted/fostered and if they want to see them, then they can.

8. Posted by lil j (Travel Guru 1303 posts) 11y

Of course they should unless they state otherwise-its their rights, people with the 'authority' to tell them so should do-its wrong if they don't-at the end of the day the parents or foster parents are the ones who have had any sort of real influence on them-and particularly if they have been brought up with foster parents from a young age!

It's the smae with stepfathers/mothers etc.-a all to well known situation!

9. Posted by Isadora (Travel Guru 13926 posts) 11y

In the case of legal adoption - not foster parenting - the biological parent(s) have signed away their rights, handing them over to the adoptive parents. The adopting parents, now being the child's gaurdians, are responsible for deciding what the child knows or does not know. Children are not born with absolute rights to everything, including knowledge of their biological family. At some point during their life that information should be afforded them, but not at the expense of becoming a stable, productive person. Some knowledge dealt too soon can be more damaging than informative. An adopted child will decide for themselves at some point, if they want to know biological information or not. Some truly never want to know. Giving them the information does not benefit them in any way.

Foster children fall into a different catagory because the foster parents do not have complete say as to what information is doled out. I'm guessing there's a very good reason that MattXIII's family isn't passing on biological information. And, it sounds like the courts/child services is in agreement with not letting the real parents visit.

10. Posted by james (Travel Guru 4136 posts) 11y

They should be asked if they want to know, not "told" outright.