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Quantas Airline Humor

Travel Forums Off Topic Quantas Airline Humor

1. Posted by vegasmike6 (Travel Guru 3562 posts) 5y

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P)
and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny............
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel.
Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget

2. Posted by Herr Bert (Moderator 1384 posts) 5y

Pretty old one, but still brings a smile on my face.

3. Posted by Herr Bert (Moderator 1384 posts) 5y

P: DME volume unbelievably loud again.
S: DME volume confirmed set at 11.

(I thought I missed one)

4. Posted by Isadora (Travel Guru 13926 posts) 5y

Gotta love these. Like the Southwest fight attendants and pilots. Had a lovely flight attendant on a Continental flight from Chicago to Newark, on our way to Ireland. For 6am, she definitely knew how to wake up a sleepy crowd of business people with coffee and repartee. Also had a Southwest flight with an attendant who made the whole cabin sing. He was wonderful too. (No, not the one shown on youtube.)

5. Posted by james (Travel Guru 4136 posts) 5y

Quite A Nice Trip, Any Survivors?

6. Posted by Peter (Admin 5813 posts) 5y

Hehe, classic!