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What's The Best Way To Get Over A Failed Relationship?

Travel Forums Off Topic What's The Best Way To Get Over A Failed Relationship?

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11. Posted by tway (Travel Guru 7273 posts) 11y

A friend has a bias, though. That's what friends are for, after all. A counsellor is trained to know how to help you through - which sometimes means telling you what you may not like to hear about yourself. It's not for everyone, but for some it can be a tremendous help.

12. Posted by Bruce85 (Budding Member 54 posts) 11y

yeah but, real friends tell you things you might not like, too! I'm glad that I've friends like that!

13. Posted by tway (Travel Guru 7273 posts) 11y

Certainly, but you're friends in the first place because you have a certain, similar way of thinking - of looking at things. It's a kind of bias.

All to say: People shouldn't be afraid to go out and get all the resources they need, when they need it. It's not necessarily a case of one or the other.

14. Posted by areinstein (Travel Guru 2788 posts) 11y

The best way to get over a failed relationship is to keep yourself busy, improving your social circle, and believing that you dont need anyone to hold your hand through it, including a counsellor. If you have a fulfilling life all around, the quicker you will get over a mistake.

Although I know now the answer usually is to break up or get divorced, no one seems to want to work on relationships to make them last. Some bad relationships do need an ending to them if there is nothing left in common anymore but mostly people seem to simply grow apart or have different aspirations and goals in life.

Be sure to find someone that has the same goals you do and the less likely chance that you will have to get over a failed relationship.

15. Posted by tway (Travel Guru 7273 posts) 11y

Dang! All this counsellor dissing. An existential therapist won't hold you hand much - they'll make you look at your hand, describe it, feel it, and one day you realize it's a pretty nice hand all on its own.

I can't say any, any of my past relationships were ever a "mistake" - I learned from each and every one. Especially the one (very) short-term one that made me feel horrible about myself. I finally thought: I deserve WAY better than this. And I thank him for getting me down the path that made me come to that conclusion.

Wocca, you've got us philosophising all over the place! ;)

16. Posted by james (Travel Guru 4136 posts) 11y

I broke up with my ex on a gondola in Venice. She was a psycho and I'd had enough of her crap.

She went nuts, so I climbed into a gondola that was going the other way. This gondola had a girl in it from Brazil. She happened to be a stunner, and we got on extremely well, and later that night I was well and truly over my ex.

We actually became very good friends, and have remained so for a good number of years.

17. Posted by samsara_ (Travel Guru 5353 posts) 11y

LOl!! LOL!!

18. Posted by ukmassage (Inactive 1052 posts) 11y

it's easy to split from psychos and not regret it for too long.

by why to be with them in the first place?

yep, finding a new, understanding partner helps to get over being heart broken

19. Posted by Isadora (Travel Guru 13926 posts) 11y

Quoting james

We actually became very good friends, and have remained so for a good number of years.

Honestly, how does one do that? (Remain friends, that is.) I've tried, but it always comes down to the ex-partner trying to convince me that we had this wonderful relationship and could have had the world together.

Quoting tway

Dang! All this counsellor dissing. An existential therapist won't hold you hand much - they'll make you look at your hand, describe it, feel it, and one day you realize it's a pretty nice hand all on its own.

Agreed. Counselling is great for self-exploration, if you are really willing to work on yourself. It gave me the strength to leave a physically abusive (first) husband. But, many people enter into it for a quick fix of a single problem, don't actually do the work, then blame the therapist. Ironically, they keep returning in hopes that they will finally hear what they want to hear.

20. Posted by samsara_ (Travel Guru 5353 posts) 11y

Quoting isadora

Honestly, how does one do that? (Remain friends, that is.)

Yeah, I'm always suspicious that it's just something people say....probably because it's not something i can do myself. I've tried too - many times - mainly because I hate to think that you've invested years and energy on a relationship and that's going to waste just because youre no longer IN LOVE (or whatever).

But in my, albeit limited, experience it never works. Either one or other of you isnt entirely comfortable with the friend's hat on (e.g. finds it hard to see the other person with someone new, or is constantly referring to the fact that you were once a couple, etc...etc..

I think it only works if both individuals want things to end and are mature enough to know that a friendship is a better option anyway.

I'll shut up now.