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What's The Best Way To Get Over A Failed Relationship?

Travel Forums Off Topic What's The Best Way To Get Over A Failed Relationship?

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21. Posted by areinstein (Travel Guru 2788 posts) 11y

I have been fortunate enough that I have remained friends with the three only serious guys I have had a relationship with in my past. I cant say that it was easy to remain friends at first but over the years it gets better and better. They are all married now with children and I am extremely happy for their successes as they are for mine.

Even when the relationships were bad and not the right ones for me, I always found myself going back to get answers from them about the real reasons why things didnt work out. I am even talking about a very abusive relationship. A lot of people cant understand that, how I can be friends with them (at least the really bad one) but I tell them it was my therapy, it works better than a psychologist. Counsellors never tell you anything you dont already know anyway.

If you can help it, you should try it. Give it time to let the "bad" relationship cool down, get over the anger and go back for "the talk". It may be a women thing but so far it has worked for me and I appreciate the fact that people I have invested so much of my life with are still in my life and my relationship with them didnt go to waste. :)

22. Posted by samsara_ (Travel Guru 5353 posts) 11y

YOu must have a good spirit Anne;)

23. Posted by tway (Travel Guru 7273 posts) 11y

I admire your courage to share your experience, Anne! You must have build an unshakable foundation of confidence. I second Samsara's post!

24. Posted by areinstein (Travel Guru 2788 posts) 11y

Thanks guys! Not many people see it that way (including my husband) but I dont think I have to explain myself to anyone, dont you think? I am glad I went through it, this may sound like a cliche but failed relationships do help you become a better person.

Another cliche, you must be able to forgive those who hurt you to begin the healing process. I am walking proof of that... :)

25. Posted by Isadora (Travel Guru 13926 posts) 11y

Quoting areinstein

Another cliche, you must be able to forgive those who hurt you to begin the healing process. I am walking proof of that... :)

Very true! I've been able to forgive all but one and that one still haunts me in my dreams (or nightmares) when I least expect it.

I also found, when analyzing a relationship after it was over, that had the sexual aspect not been part of the relationship, I wouldn't have chosen that person as a real friend. My husband and I were only friends (involved w/others) for 3 years before we started dating. When both our other relationships had fallen apart, we jumped at the dating opportunity. That was 17 years ago and neither has ever looked back.

26. Posted by Bruce85 (Budding Member 54 posts) 11y

When my boyfriend broke up with me I tried to stay friends, but it doesn't worked!
And now after one and a half year he turned out as if nothing had happened! Came very surprisingly, but I can't say I am sad that it goes that way!

27. Posted by james (Travel Guru 4136 posts) 11y

Quoting isadora

Honestly, how does one do that? (Remain friends, that is.) I've tried, but it always comes down to the ex-partner trying to convince me that we had this wonderful relationship and could have had the world together.

We remained good friends because distance got the better of us - even after a few trips back and forth. Plus, we were younger then, were working out our lives as far as careers and things went, and we remained excellent friends for a long time. The communication has dwindled down to nothing now; we're both married and have both moved on. All of this was late 80s/early 90's.

Rhiannon rings like a bell throu the night
And wouldn’t you love to love her
Takes to the sky like a bird in flight
And who will be her lover

....

Can you understand me
Baby, don’t you hand me a line
Although it doesn’t matter
You and me got plenty of time

There’s nobody in the future
So baby let me hand you my love
There’s no step for you to dance to
So slip your hand inside of my glove

28. Posted by lil j (Travel Guru 1303 posts) 11y

awwww

29. Posted by kae (Budding Member 31 posts) 11y

Quoting samsara2

YOu must have a good spirit Anne;)

i agree with you, evelyn...

I wish i am able to forgive him but it has been about 3yrs and doesnt work.

awww.. james, ur words makes me sad.

30. Posted by areinstein (Travel Guru 2788 posts) 11y

Hey Kae, if it makes you feel any better, it did take about 5 years for me to truly forgive. I wont lie to you it was haaaaarrrrd but for five years I was carrying a lot of anger that I took out in people who loved me until one said I said, NO MORE!! I was letting him consume my life and I decided to forgive him for the bottom of my heart.

I dont know how it happened or how I did it (some people say God helped them blah blah, well...that wasnt me or even a therapist) but you must feel it and mean it, that is the key. It will feel like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders. It was then that I came back into his life and we were able to sit down and "talk" about what happened. And it was then that I got the true "I am sorry" I had been expecting for all those five years. You have no idea how good that felt. I still get goosebumps thinking about it.