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Beeeerman HELP!!!! Ball and chain imminent

Travel Forums Off Topic Beeeerman HELP!!!! Ball and chain imminent

1. Posted by -reece- (Travel Guru, 1368 posts) 17 May '12 14:25

I need advice from a wise slightly older than me man.

When you get married. Does life change for better or for worse??

Im having the ball and chain fitted on saturday and dont have long to change my mind hahaha

2. Posted by beerman (Moderator, 1631 posts) 18 May '12 12:16

Don't change your mind.

Oh, wait, did you want more than that???

OK, first off, you obviously love this woman-who-shall-remain-nameless, else you would not have proposed marriage. Or you were very drunk. Or you just had incredible sex. Those are the two weak areas for men and marriage. In both cases, all the blood in the body has pooled into the wrong head and the one with ears on it is blank, devoid of logic and reason.

OK, let's stick with the love part. You have to think to yourself, why did I ask this woman to share the rest of my life with me? You did it for a reason, and you need to re-affirm to yourself why. Was it for the mutually satisfying, mind-blowing sex? That's a pretty good reason, and you will continue to have a great relationship if you continue to satisfy each others' desires selflessly and without expectation.

Was it because you can talk to her about anything and everything, and she understands exactly what you're talking about, just as you understand her? OK, so the sex is terrific. Ha, kidding.

When you get married, your life will change, no question. Because you have chosen to share your life, so there must be change. This change should always be thought of as for the better. You are improving your life by having this woman by your side, just as you are improving her life. You can live the rest your life knowing that there is someone who will be there when you feel down, who will nourish you and bring you back up, who will have sex with you.......sorry.......just me...

The key to happiness in marriage in listening. Sometimes it's just plain shutting up, but listening is probably the most important. DO NOT take each other for granted. ALWAYS be aware of how you're both feeling. Be there for each other. Make love as often as your bodies will allow. Do not try to change each other.....you are who you are. OK, you should pick up after yourself.....don't leave your dirty socks draped over the kitchen table. Put the toilet seat AND lid down - this should be fair for both sides. Try to not masturbate as often as you used to, unless of course that's something you're both into. Don't refer to her as the ball and chain unless, again, that's something you're both into. DO NOT ogle other women and secretly desire to have them....keep your mind focused on what you have, not on what you don't have. Your life together will be so much richer if you focus on each other. Did I mention sex anywhere?

Realize that sometimes you will have to give up doing something you want to do to be with her, just as she should realize the same about you. Marriage is give and take, and you MUST do so without anger, jealousy, or frustration. Go with the flow, and be happy every day of your lives. Make each other laugh, even if the jokes are so old they're dusty. Never be afraid to make fun of each other, but do so in a kind and loving way, and smile and kiss afterwords. Never go to bed angry at each other. Kiss good night every night and tell her you love her. Every night. Bring home a bouquet of flowers for no other reason than you love her. Be willing to be subservient now and again....you are not always right, and she is not always wrong. You must share everything, except undies, but again, if you're into that sort of thing...

You make the life you have, it doesn't just happen - if you want it better, you will make it better. If you don't focus and concentrate on your lives, it will get worse. PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR LIVES, and they will get better. Give of yourself as you would wish her to give to you.

You will be nervous. I was. 15 or 20 shots of vodka cured that, then I could go on with the ceremony (I'm not advocating getting drunk at your wedding - please don't - leave that sort of thing to professionals like me). When you feel your stomach creep up to your throat, take a deep breath, then another, and think about how you love this woman. It sometimes helps to picture her naked up there on the alter, or wherever you marry, but that's optional. Smile....not a huge idiot's grin, but a small, wry smile, one to yourself but that can be noticed by her. You have your world by the balls, rub them gently.

Let me know if you need any other words. I can PM you certain drawings of an exotic nature, complete with arrows to indicate motion.....hey, you never know.....

Good luck to you both. May you live long and joyous lives together, and don't stop pinching each others' bottoms.

K