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Travelling and difficult parents?

Travel Forums General Talk Travelling and difficult parents?

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1. Posted by ossuarium (Budding Member, 5 posts) 6 Jul '12 12:41

Hi there.

So, I suppose I'll jump right into it. I'm planning a trip to San Francisco for a while to visit a friend. From there, we'll probably take the train to Seattle to stay with his uncle for a week. I'm 19 years old, and I actually went to San Francisco to visit him almost exactly a year ago. It's 2000 miles away, but we like to try to see each other every few months. Anyway, all went well last year, for the most part... until my parents started to harass me each day, telling me that, because I was travelling, I had totally ruined their lives. They broke up momentarily, shut out family, and even threatened - and attempted!! - suicide. I didn't get into any trouble; in fact, I have travelled to San Francisco several times in the past with them, so I knew my way around as if I lived there. Everything went much more smoothly than I had even hoped for. It got a bit rough at the end; I stayed an extra month, as my parents were threatening violence. Once I got back, everything was... as normal as it could be, I suppose.

So, here we are a year after that. They still look at me with distrust and disappointment. They tell me everyday that I have disappointed them and I'm a failure of a daughter. But is all that really necessary? I worked to save up money for travelling before going to college; as it stands, I still have $11,000 sitting there, waiting, specifically for seeing the world.

I know that they're probably like this out of concern, and they don't really understand my want for travelling. They're money-crazed, and see it as me putting pleasure before all else. I know I won't get rich off of travelling, but it's more important for me. I'm only young once and I want to see things.

So what I'm asking is.. does anyone have any advice? I really am thinking of going to San Francisco next month, but I don't know how to approach the subject with them. It's my money, but I do live with them, so they probably have a bit of say... Still, I would love to go. How can I talk to them without them just freaking out?

2. Posted by CheersT (Travel Guru, 1341 posts) 6 Jul '12 16:23

It's no one's place to comment on your personal life... but honestly... your parents sound like nutbars... suicide and divorce because you travelled once?... get real... that's utterly bizarre by ANY measure...

In any case, it's obviously time to move out and get on with your life.

Good luck.

Cheers,
Terry

PS I assume there's a culture thing going on here... are your parents "old school" ?...

[ Edit: Removed ambiguous, misunderstood statement. ]

3. Posted by ossuarium (Budding Member, 5 posts) 6 Jul '12 16:27

Quoting CheersT

It's no one's place to comment on your personal life... but honestly... your parents sound like nutbars... suicide and divorce because you travelled once?... get real... that's utterly bizarre by ANY measure...

In any case, it's obviously time to move out and get on with your life.

Good luck.

Cheers,
Terry

PS I assume there's a culture thing going on here... are your parents "old school" ?...

They seriously do, don't they? It makes me glad that I'm not the one at fault here. They've turned my other family members against me and it sometimes wears on you.

Thank you for the well wishes. My parents are Canadian; my mother is Native American, and my father is Scottish. They consider themselves old school, but not when it comes to travelling or anything.. My father is actually a truck driver, so he's always travelling. My mother doesn't like it all that much, but, generally, they go on several trips a year. Do you think there is any easy way to approach them about travelling? I'm looking to move out - hopefully somewhere fairly far away - but first I want to travel around and scope out places. Should I just sit them down and be like 'I'm going'?

[ Edit: cleaning ]

4. Posted by Dodger (Respected Member, 859 posts) 6 Jul '12 17:13

To the OP. You are old enough to be out on your own and making your own decisions in life. You may not make the right ones, and it would have been nice to have parents that could guide you with their experience. Like many people, it doesn't sound like you are going to get that from them. Parents are just people too and they make terrible mistakes sometimes. Now it's time to get out in the world and make your own mistakes hopefully without doing too much damage! :) good luck and enjoy the journey.

[ Edit: Removed off-topic argument between members. ]

5. Posted by talesbackpack (Full Member, 117 posts) 6 Jul '12 17:16

If you can sit them down for a rational discussion, try to find out what upsets them so much about the idea of you travelling. Once you know where their hysterics are coming from it will be much easier for you to address their concerns.

If it's simply about the money, then make a point of reassuring them that you DO plan on going on to college (that's the impression I have from your original post), but that it's important for you to do this first.

If they're not capable of talking with you about this in a calm and adult manner, then you have some tougher choices to make. It's never easy going against your parents wishes/expectations, but at some point they need to accept that you're an adult and that it's your life.

Good luck whatever you choose to do.

~Jen

[ Edit: Edited on 06-Jul-2012, at 17:18 by talesbackpack ]

6. Posted by CheersT (Travel Guru, 1341 posts) 6 Jul '12 17:39

ossuarium: What can I say... the reaction you described in your original post is nuts... There's obviously many factors at play here that go way, waaaaay beyond your Original Post and I wish you the best of luck in getting these issues resolved with your parents.

All the best to you.

Cheers,
Terry

[ Edit: cleaning ]

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