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The BEST Chicken Joke ever!

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11. Posted by Sam I Am (Admin 5588 posts) 11y

Joz, that one of yours nearly had me peeing my pants. The guy sitting next to me is probably wondering why I had tears running down my face and couldn't stop shaking... + I love chilli :)

12. Posted by Rraven (Travel Guru 5924 posts) 11y

they were brill !!!

13. Posted by Isadora (Travel Guru 13926 posts) 11y

Mr I here....

Two cannibals are dining on a clown. One turns to the other and says..."Does this taste funny to you...?"

14. Posted by angela_ (Respected Member 1732 posts) 11y

A man is woken up by the doorbell in the middle of the night. He reluctantly goes to answer it and standing at his door is a very drunk man. The drunk man says "Can you give me a push?" The man of the house says he will not, slams the door and goes back to bed. There his wife is and has been woken up as well. She tells him off for not helping the man and reminds him of the time their car broke down in the middle of the night and they needed someone to help push it. The man feels a bit guilty about not helping the man now, so he goes back downstairs and opens the door. "Hello, are you still there? Do you still need that push?" yells the man. "Yes" says the drunk man. "Well, where are you?" says the man in the house. To that the drunk man replies "On your swingset!"

15. Posted by newguy (Full Member 197 posts) 11y

Joz, that TEXAS CHILI COOKOFF joke rocks! What a great way to start the last day of the workweek! Is that a one-off joke or are there similar ones? Keep them coming!

16. Posted by Wocca (Inactive 3745 posts) 11y

'Chicken Surprise'

A couple decide to go for a meal and after some deliberation decide on their local Chinese restaurant. They peruse the menu and finally agree to share the chef's special 'Chicken Surprise'.

The waiter brings over the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot. Just as the wife is about to start in on the meal, the lid of the pot rises by a tiny amount and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down.

'Good grief, did you see that?' she asks her husband.

He hasn't so she asks him to look in the pot. He reaches for it and again the lid rises, and he sees two beady little eyes looking around before it firmly slams back down.

Rather perturbed he calls the waiter over, explains what is happening, and demands an explanation.

'Well sir', says the waiter, 'What did you order?'

'We both chose the same', he replies, 'the Chicken Surprise'

'Oh I do apologise, this is my fault' says the waiter...
.
.
.

wait for it...
.
.
.

'I've brought you the Peeking duck'

17. Posted by Cupcake (Travel Guru 8468 posts) 11y

A man is sitting next to a woman on a plane. Turns out she's a drop-dead-gorgeous blonde! When they reached 27,000 ft. the plane leveled out and woman sneezed.

This would have been perfectly normal but for the fact that after she sneezed she shuddered violently. About five minutes later she sneezed and once again shuddered violently. Five minutes later she sneezed and shuddered yet again.

Finally the man had, had all he could take and his curiousity got the better of him.

"Are you O.K." He asked

"Yes," said the woman "I'm fine, why?"

"It's just that three times you've sneezed and three times you've shuddered violently almost immediatly afterwards."

"Oh, I'm sorry," said the woman "It's just that I've got this rare condition, every time I sneeze I orgasm"

"Oh really," said the man and being a keen follower of medical science asked "What are you taking for it."

"Pepper," answered the woman.

18. Posted by Wocca (Inactive 3745 posts) 11y

Computer Chicken Jokes

Newton Chicken : Can't cluck, can't fly, and can't lay eggs, but you can carry it across the road in your pocket!

NT Chicken : Will cross the road in June. No, August. September for sure.

OS/2 Chicken : It crossed the road in style years ago, but it was so quiet that nobody noticed.

Win 95 Chicken : You see different colored feathers while it crosses, but cook it and it still tastes like ...chicken.

Mac Chicken : No reasonable chicken owner would want a chicken to cross the road, so there's no way to tell it to.

Bill Gates : I have just released the new Chicken 2000, which will both cross roads AND balance your checkbook, although dividing 3 by 2 will get you 1.4999999999.

Microsoft Chicken (TM) : It's already on both sides of the road. And it just bought the road.

Java Chicken : If your road needs to be crossed by a chicken, the server will download one to the other side. (Of course, those are chicklets!)

C Chicken : It crosses the road without looking both ways.

C++ Chicken : The chicken wouldn't have to cross the road, you'd simply refer to him on the other side.

VB Chicken : USHighways!TheRoad.cross (aChicken)

OOP Chicken : It doesn't need to cross the road, it just sends a message.

Assembler Chicken : First it builds the road ...

Delphi Chicken : The chicken is dragged across the road and dropped on the other side.

Web Chicken : Jumps out onto the road, turns right, and just keeps on running.

Gopher Chicken : Tried to run, but got flattened by the Web chicken.

Lotus Chicken : Don't you *dare* try to cross the road the same way we do!

COBOL Chicken :
0001-CHICKEN-CROSSING.
IF NO-MORE-VEHICLES THEN
PERFORM
0010-CROSS-THE-ROAD
VARYING STEPS FROM 1 BY 1
UNTIL
ON-THE-OTHER-SIDE
ELSE
GO TO 0001-CHICKEN-CROSSING

19. Posted by Cupcake (Travel Guru 8468 posts) 11y

A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he’s allowed to say two words every seven years. After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words. "Cold floors," he says. They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him back in and ask for his two words. He clears his throats and says, "Bad food." They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him in for his two words. "I quit," he says. "That’s not surprising," the elders say. "You’ve done nothing but complain since you got here."

:)

20. Posted by Cupcake (Travel Guru 8468 posts) 11y

A guy meets a hooker in a bar. She says, "This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for $200, as long as you can say it in three words." The guy replies, "Hey, why not?" He pull his wallet out of his pocket, and one at a time lays two hundred-dollar bills on the bar, and says, slowly: "Paint…my…house."