GEORGE W. BUSH
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or it is against us. There is no
middle ground here.
MOHAMMED ELBARI (Iraq ambassador)
The chicken did not cross the road. This is a complete fabrication. We don't even have a chicken.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.
I envision a world where all chickens will be free
to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the
road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that
was good enough for us.
The fact that you are at all concerned that the
chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
Did the chicken really cross the road or did the
road move beneath the chicken?
Why did the Chicken cross the Road?
Jessica Simpson 's Answer:
Why would he be one a road, I thought chickens lived in the ocean?
Homer Simpson 's Answer:
There was free beer on the other side of the road.
Shakespeare 's Answer:
To cross or not to cross, that is the question.
Gandhi 's Answer:
All chickens should peacefully resist by crossing the road.
And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.
Henry David Thoreau's Answer:
To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow out of life.
Jack Nicholson's Answer:
'Cause it (censored) wanted to.
That's the (censored) reason.
Dr. Seuss' Answer:
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes, the chicken crossed the road,
But why it crossed, I've not been told!
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?
Unique Up On It...
2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?
Tame Way, Unique Up On It.
3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest?
They Take The Psycho Path
4. How Do You Get Holy Water?
You Boil The Hell Out Of It.
5. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?
6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long?
7. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work?
8. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?
9. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?
10. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?
11. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow?
12. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire?
13. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?
A Nervous Wreck.
14. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?
Anyone Can Roast Beef.
15. Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs?
Right Where You Left Him.
16. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?
Because They Have Big Fingers.
17. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive?
Because It Scares The Dog.
18. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?
19. What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover?
The Location Of The Dirt Bag.
20. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down?
Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat.
21. What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a Bad Skydiver?
A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack, Dang!
A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang! Whack.
22. How Are a Texas Tornado And a Tennessee Divorce The Same?
Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer
LOL!! I am going to use a couple of these tonight.
I just sent mass e-mailed that nacho one. More! More!
I just sent mass e-mailed that nacho one. More! More!
Thats one I am going to use tonight with my friends...
Little Bruce and Jenny are only 10 years old, but they just know that
are in love. One day they decide that they want to get married, so
goes to Jenny's father to ask him for her hand. BRUCE bravely walks up
him and says "Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love and I want to ask you
her hand in marriage."
Thinking that this was just the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replies, "Well
BRUCE, you are only 10. Where will you two live?"
Without even taking a moment to think about it, BRUCE replies "In
room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely."
Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Smith says with a huge grin,
"Okay then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job.
need to support Jenny."
Again, BRUCE instantly replies, "Our allowance.. Jenny makes 5 bucks a
week and I make 10 bucks a week. That's about 60 bucks a month and that
should do us just fine."
By this time Mr. Smith is a little shocked that BRUCE has put so much
thought into this. He thinks for a moment trying to come up with
that BRUCE won't have an answer to. After a second, Mr. Smith says,
BRUCE, it seems like you have got everything all figured out. I just
one more question for you. What will you do if the two of you should
little ones of your own?"
BRUCE just shrugs his shoulders and says "Well, we've been lucky so
Mr. Smith doesn't think the little shiit is adorable anymore.
Jennifer visited a psychic of some local repute. In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the mystic delivered grave news, "There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just be blunt - prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year."
Visibly shaken, Jennifer stared at the woman's lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself. She simply had to know. She met the fortuneteller's gaze, steadied her voice, and asked, "Will I be acquitted?"