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The BEST Chicken Joke ever!

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31. Posted by Cupcake (Travel Guru 8468 posts) 11y

Bad Puns ;)


  1. Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.


  1. I fired my masseuse today. She just rubbed me the wrong way.


  1. Banning the bra was a big flop.


  1. A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.


  1. A pessimist's blood type is always B-negative.


  1. My wife really likes to make pottery, but to me it's just kiln time.


  1. I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.


  1. Practice safe eating - always use condiments.


  1. Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with battery.


  1. A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.


  1. A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.


  1. I used to be a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.


  1. A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.


  1. Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.


  1. Corduroy pillows are making headlines.


  1. Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?


  1. Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.


  1. When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.


  1. Sea captains don't like crew cuts.


  1. Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?


  1. Shotgun wedding - A case of wife or death.


  1. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.


  1. A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.


  1. Without geometry, life is pointless.


  1. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.


  1. Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.


  1. Reading whilst sunbathing makes you well-red.


  1. When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.


  1. If electricity comes from electrons... does that mean that morality comes from morons?

32. Posted by Isadora (Travel Guru 13926 posts) 11y

"Bless me father-- for I have sinned. I have been with
a loose woman."

The priest asks, "Is that you, little Tommy
Shaughnessy?"

"Yes, Father, it is.

"And, who was the woman you were with?"

"Sure and I can't be tellin' you Father. I don't want
to ruin her reputation."

"Well, Tommy, I'm sure to find out sooner or later, so
you may as well tell me now.
Was it Brenda O'Malley?"

"I cannot say."

"Was it Patricia Kelly?"

"I cannot say."

"Was it Liz Shannon?"

"I'm sorry, but I cannot name her."

"Was it Cathy Morgan?"

"My lips are sealed."

"Was it Fiona McDonald, then?"

"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."

The priest sighs in frustration.
"You're a steadfast lad,Tommy Shaughnessy, and I
admire that.
But you've sinned, and you must atone.
You cannot attend church mass for three full months.
Be off with you now!"

Tommy walks back to his pew.
His friend Sean slides over to his seat and whispers
"well . . . what'd you get?"

"Three months vacation and five good leads!"

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