Wise man once said "man who stands on toilet is high on pot"
Everyone has a purpose...even if it is just to take a bullet for someone more important than them.
Even the Devil can quote scripture.
To strive for perfection is ignorant, To strive for excellence commendable, To strive for mediocracy unnecessary.
Sane is just another word for boring as dirt...
When a mule kicks the wall, the mule takes the blow upon itself. (Confucious)
Claudia praised my spontaneity, Jill criticized my impulsiveness. Claudia loved my friendliness, Jill said I was a suck up. Claudia laughed at all my jokes, Jill thought I was stupid. I married Jill. I couldn't figure out what that darn Claudia was up to.
You live, you pay taxes, you die. (Blackadder)
The willowtree knows what the oak does not... that the power to endure always outlasts the power to inflict.
There comes a time in every mans life when he has to look fear in the face and find out just what he's made of. Man, I never knew I could run so fast while wetting my pants.
The person who said, "good things come to those who wait" is still waiting.
The only thing that will take away all my bills, all my stress, and all my problems is Death. (Chriss Cupp)
I close my eyes in order to see, aAsk me no questions i will tell you no lies.
Forgiveness is the fragrance the Violet sheds on the heel that crushed it.
Every time I see that commercial with the frogs that croak "Bud - weis - er" I have to laugh. Not because most people weren't aware that frogs could talk, but because everyone knows frogs prefer Miller. They're just saying Budweiser to get on TV. Let's face it people, frogs are very vain.
Remember: Even if you fall flat on your face, you're still moving forwards.
Things that come around, go around. Things that go around get reallydizzy and fall over.
Politics is easy to understand if you look at the root words. Poly...meaning 'many,' and Ticks...'little blood suckers'
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
FACT: "Surfing the Net" will not make you go blind but, sitting on the toilet to long will make your legs go numb.
He who hesitates is probably right.
A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so GOOD.
Always remember to pillage before you burn.
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
Law of Probability Dispersal: Whatever it is that hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
I'm in shape. Unfornunately it's the shape of an oinion.
Father of nine: "When the firstborn coughed or sneezed I called an ambulance. When the last one swallowed a dime, I told him it was coming out of his allowance."
Never criticize a man until you've walked a mile in his shoes...by then,you're a mile away, and you have his shoes.
"What is this universal infatuation with the internet? If someone had told me, a few years ago, that we'd be looking upon a phone conversation that you had to type as a major innovation I'd have them certified. And don't say 'But you can send pictures as well.' It takes about an hour to download a bloody picture, and half the time the tits are all out of focus ... oops. If I want to send someone a picture I'll use a brand new innovation called a stamp. Maybe I'm just getting old..." - Craig Charles, from his book 'The Log'.
Indian man build small fire, to keep warm,
White man build big fire, to keep warm while collecting logs.
Life is like a book. At the begining when the pages are first opened great things are expected, during time the pages become folded and torn, and by the end of it the story turned out not to be all it should have been. (Most of the time it was also very badly written...)
I don't necessarily agree with everything I say.