Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back.... or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are the testimonials of a few people who did.
1. I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't say a word.....he knew better.
2. I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."
3. My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.
4. While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me were screames of laughter.
5. Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No." I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said, " Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled. "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!!" While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing! He calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better by thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!
6. This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any....a true story.....We has a female new anchor who, the day after it was supposted to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!
There's this story about a guy who insulted another guy. Afterwards he was sorry and went to the man to apologise and asked him if he could do anything for him to forgive.
So the insulted man said "Yes, sure. I want to you kill a chicken and take it's feathers along the road and drop some every meter until they're all gone. Afterwards I want you to gather all the feathers up and not miss a single one and bring it back to me."
The other man replied "But that's impossible."
"Yes", said the first man, "so is taking back a slander. You better think before you talk the next time."
Hey, aren't you the guy who was swearing up a storm in the chat room earlier? That was some innovative use of adjectives. "Feckin' women's knickers" - I'm going to have to use that one...
I walked to the school cafeteria at luchtime,and there was a guy distributing something small, wrapped in plastic. I received it without much thinking. And then I looked at it and couldn`t make out what it is-I`ve never seen it before. So I turned around, raised the item high and asked loudly-there were lines of people waiting to take food-"Hey,what is it?" Almost everyone turned their eyes on it, then on me, and burst into laughter.The guy replied with a strange smile:"so you don`t know what it is?" So I checked it again, and realized...it was a condom...
It's probably better than asking, "Hey! What do you want me to do with this ?"
I once bumped into an old friend of mine(who was tall and kind of 'beefy') at a shopping mall...I heard she was pregnant through the grape-vine. So I walked up to her and said "When are you going to have that baby?" She just stared at me and said "I had her 2 months ago, she is out in the car with her father"......I wished I could have sucked those words back in again..
My boyfriend Scott and I were in an ice-cream store and the guy behind the counter asked Scott if he wanted any toppings on his ice-cream. Scott promptly answered, "I'll have a couple of nuts and some cream, thanks."
No one else got it, but it took about two seconds for me to register what he'd said (my mind is usually in the gutter and below the belt!) and then I was literally laughing so hard I had to walk out of the store. I was doubled over and had tears running down my face. I guess it's not really that funny but in the moment it was!
And then there are the times when I write something in a forum and after I've submitted it I wish I could go back and edit or delete my post.
prime example of something stupid i said that i wish i could take back...
(a little immature, i know... but just testing out what soapsuds said!... its true, too! now i wish i hadn't of posted that last thread... ) hehehehe.... okay im bored...
You are all going to cring for me when you read this one. My face still burns up thinking about it.
When I lived in Dublin I used to work in the bar of the National COncert Hall. A few years back I was catering for a private New Years Eve party there, serving some of Dublin's "finest" and wealthiest.
One of things I had to do was carry a ginormous platter of canapes around the room. The thing was huge...i could hardly hold it. I would have to keep running back to the kitchens every 5 minutes or so to replenish it. I've never see people behave so voraciously in my life. I would return from the kitchen with a fresh platter and the hoards would descend on me. I nearly fell more than once.
Was getting increasinly more angry as the night went on. Half way through the night I stormed back into the kitchen with a face like thunder on me. The chef said, "HEy Ev, are you okay?" at which point I loudly said "They're like a bunch of bloody Ethiopians!!" Everyone started smirking and looking at the floor and I heard "That offends me, I am from Ethopia" behind me......I turned around to see an Ethopian girl who had been brought in as part of a special catering team for the night......she wasnt happy!!!
Now, i really wished I could take that back.....