The TP Novel

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141. Posted by Isadora (Travel Guru 13926 posts) 13y Star this if you like it!

TWAY!!!!! TAG! You're it!!! (Tell your boss you have better things to put your creative talents toward - like the TP NOVEL!)

Hint.. Hint... It's either you or Beerman... Either of you is fine... HINT...

142. Posted by tway (Travel Guru 7273 posts) 13y Star this if you like it!

Quoting Isadora

TWAY!!!!! TAG! You're it!!! (Tell your boss you have better things to put your creative talents toward - like the TP NOVEL!)

Hint.. Hint... It's either you or Beerman... Either of you is fine... HINT...

I was ironically just reading the last installments there. Hmm, hmm, hmm... something may be cooking up in my muddled brain...

143. Posted by beerman (Respected Member 1631 posts) 13y Star this if you like it!

"Hello, Captain Cupcake here. WHAT!!!! You're kidding, right? You're absolutely sure about that? Of course, Admiral Sandermountie, I understand. We'll get under way immediately. Over."

Back at Evil Island, hoots and howls of laughter fill the dank recesses of the Secret Evil Lair. Evil Assistant Sander's voice comes through on the conference call speakerphone: "Evil Masters, how was that? Over. Did I sound like a Canukistani Admiral? Over." Pete Evil responds with a deep and resonant cackle: That was perfect, EA Sander. The crew of the RCS Sinky Boat Thingy will never know what they're heading into.....Mwuhahahahahahaha...cough, cough, cough....Damn, this air is getting dank. Evil Brother Sam, how are the repairs to the air conditioning system coming alo.....Sam, please stop gnawing on Mad Moderator Hien's kneecap, we will need his highly tuned Moderator skills to get back at those goodly Isa's. And the first step in our new Completely Evil Plan (ta da) is....wait for get the RCS Sinky Boat Thingy out of the way. Once they're gone, we can flood Isa Manor with seawater and destroy everything in sight. I knew there would be another use for all these jumbo-gigantic super evil pumps and the 83,000 miles (2.769 billion km) of pipeline we were going to use to steal all the Guinness in the world. And we have to get back our Wocca-beast. No one steals one of our Evil creations and gets away with it (clenching fists)."

144. Posted by FionaNZ (Respected Member 903 posts) 13y Star this if you like it!

Quoting Isadora

I have all but the last 3 installments as a Word doc already. Will add the last ones in to be up to date. I has also listed who wrote each installment as it progressed. Will remove all extraneous stuff.

Does that mean you will forward it to us new-comers to catch up on
Mrs Isa.. sending buckets & buckets of Martini's

145. Posted by Isadora (Travel Guru 13926 posts) 13y Star this if you like it!

Yes, Fiona - I will send it to you - no problem. just have to add yesterday's installment. If anyone else wants a copy - let me know!

146. Posted by tway (Travel Guru 7273 posts) 13y Star this if you like it!

...on a planet far, far away, an escapee from the Durian in Space spaceship (remember that? Flip back a little) sits grinning at the well-laid plans she's been cooking up under everyone's very nose...

"Ahhh, yesss, master. I can just see it now," says Woolworth, her sidekick (hey, how else am I supposed to create dialogue?), who's flown in to join her.

Our anti-heroine nods, patting Woolworth on the back.

"Master, they won't suspect a thing. And all this time they thought you were so innocent."

The Master Planner points to a dot on the map - a tiny planet where the Durian landed - and makes a slicing motion across her throat.

"Yes, yes. They won't see it coming, Master. You've been very clever, very clever."

Our escapee then points to a sketch of pink leather spaceship, flying in quick pursuit of two quickly drawn martini glasses.

"Ah, yes, they took the bait, Master! They're flying further and further away as we speak."

And finally, the master planner behind it all points to the secret evil lair - the epitome of all known evil - and smiles.

"Little do they know, Master," drools Woolworth. "Your omnipotent hand of evil controls them all. They are pawns! Pawns! They will set everything up for you, everything will be put into place just so..."

The anti-heronie of anti-heroines looks up, her eyes red and shining, and breaks her long, long silence. "Baaaaaaaastards!" bleats Dolly, "That Guinness WILL be mine!"

[ Edit: Spelling error: It's Durian, not Durain. ]

147. Posted by Isadora (Travel Guru 13926 posts) 13y Star this if you like it!

Back on Mount Isa at Stately Isa Manor...

While Captain Cupcake takes a call from Admiral Sandermountie, Mr. Isa finishes his cocktail and heads to the kitchen to find Mrs. Isa. Not finding her there, he takes a quick peek in the refrigerator to see what luscious dessert has been prepared for after dinner. "Something is amiss...", he thinks to himself.... "I know that there were several dozen eggs still left, even after feeding all of our guests breakfast." Upon closing the refrigerator door, Mr. I notices a small sticky note stuck to the door leading to the gardens. Quickly, he grabs the note and reads aloud: Dear Friends, I would love to stay with you all, but I must make a journey. A journey that only I can take. A journey you can not take with me. A journey by myself. A journey without you coming along. A journey with only me, myself and I. A journey without you, yourself or yourself. My journey. Not your journey. Oh, and I have taken all the eggs. I may get hungry on my journey. The one that's not your journey. I like eggs. Bye!
Astonished at this message, Mr. Isa gathers the guests together to informed them of the beast, his need for a Wocca-Bout (walk-about) and his stealing of all the eggs. A chorus of good byes carries on the breeze as the intrepid travelers all lean over the terrace railing and wave so long to their hairy acquaintance. "He'll be back when he's run out of eggs." states Mrs Isa, who then turns and continues, "Oh Apple-Dumpling, would you care to join me in the laboratory?" "I was just going to ask you the same, Sweetums. Shall I bring the llama who is not named Tina?" "Why yes Dear, if it's not an inconvenience." With that the Isas, with martinis in hand, and the llama who is not named Tina board the Isavator and begin their descent.....

148. Posted by beerman (Respected Member 1631 posts) 13y Star this if you like it!

Meanwhile, the RCS Sinky Boat Thingy is making full steam to its homeport in Plaidshirt, Canuckistan.
Captain Cupcake gathers the crew around: “Listen up, lads and lassies, I’ve received news from Admiral Sandermountie that the Evil Twins have escaped Evil Island. Our new mission is to hunt them down and bring them to justice. But first, lunch. Galley Wench Katie has prepared a fabulous 12 course meal for us today……Tell us about Katie…”

“Thank you Captain. Ahem, we shall begin with several subtle, yet elegant appetizers…fresh oysters on the half shell, followed by lemon dill shrimp kebabs. This will be followed by two tasteful salads, one a fresh tossed greens with vinaigrette, the other a palm and artichoke hearts mélange. And of course, we must have a beverage, so a delicate, slightly smoky Aussie White will accompany the appetizer and salad courses. For the main courses, I have outdone myself once again. Meat will consist of thick cut prime rib au jus, medallions of pork and capers, and braised lamb shank with dark beer reduction. Fowl will be whole breast of turkey smothered in cranberry marjoram relish, and spit roasted wild guinea hen with giblet sage dressing. Fish will be whole tuna, marinated in orange zest and balsamic vinegar and slow roasted inside papaya and banana leaves. Wine selections will be a 1993 California Merlot, 1990 Chilean Zinfandel, 1999 Aussie Chardonnay, and a 1991 French Pouilley Fusee.
Dessert, the piece de resistance, shall consist of assorted Canuckistani cheeses and fruit, and caramel custard. Dinner will be served in three minutes, so don’t be late, you scalawags. Aarrggghhh.

“Sounds yummy, GW Katie,” replies the crew in unison.

Suddenly, and without warning, Radar Officer Brenda(n) notices a blip on his radar screen. “Captain, you better come see this…”

The Captain swishes over to the radar screen and exclaims “My God, that looks like……no wait, we’ve done that joke already. Well, whatever it is, it’s coming straight for us. Somebody wake up Weapons Officer Daveh and have him report topside with his 50-caliber machine cannon.”

At that, the radio crackles to life. “Captain Cupcake, this is Commander FionaNZ of MI6. But everyone calls me F, or Finz. I am in a super secret stealth helicopter 200 yards (8,346 m) off your starboard bow. I have Lieutenant Arancia here. She’ll be taking on the post of Navigator, so you don’t get lost so much. Now surface, and we’ll land on the deck. Is lunch ready yet?

At the Captains command, The RCS Sinky Boat Thingy pops out of the water and gently bobs to and fro at the surface. Moments later the huge, yet remarkably invisible to the naked eye, helicopter lands on the foredeck of the RCS SBT. Leaping the 3.7 inches (79.2 m) to the deck, F strides toward the Captain with the self-confidence that comes from being in charge of the 2nd largest spy organization in the world.

“Captain CC, take me to your quarters. We need to speak in private”.

Hours later, the Captain and F finally arrive at the Captains private inner sanctum.

Captain, you were duped. There is no Admiral Sandermountie in the Canuckistani Defence Forces. We believe it was actually Evil Assistant Sander, working with the Formerly Twin Evil Brothers, who gave you false orders. We think they’re up to no good again. We suspect that they are trying to divert you away from Stately Isa Manor in an attempt to leave the Isa’s unprotected. We can’t let that happen. The safety of the world’s vodka supply depends on it. So, set a course back to Mount Isa, and step on it. By the way, about that lunch…”

“F, I think you’re underestimating the Isa’s abilities. Not to mention the Episcopalians. And they have surrounded themselves with world travelers from the last episode. I think they’ll be safe enough. And yes, lunch is being served in the formal dining quarters.”

“Captain, we’ve also picked up transmissions from a Bounty Hunter, a shadowy character who travels with a rather plastic sidekick in a large pink leather ship. We don’t know their motivations, but they appear to hold a grudge against the Isas. So, let’s eat”.

149. Posted by Cupcake (Travel Guru 8468 posts) 13y Star this if you like it!

I was drooling all over the keyboard reading that! Can you cook that stuff? or Katie? I want to marry whomever is capable of fixing that meal!!! ;)

Post 150 was removed by a moderator