The TP Novel

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71. Posted by mtlgal (Full Member 1179 posts) 13y Star this if you like it!

What? It's only my second appearance and I'm being sacrificed already? What expactly is the difference between "sacrificial virgin" and "sacirficial 'virgin'"? I knew that all those years of sacrificing lab rats would come back to haunt me one day. Oy vay! :( And please don't make me wear brown frock and orthopedic shoes, the horror! I'll take pink spandex.

72. Posted by tway (Travel Guru 7273 posts) 13y Star this if you like it!

Well, you're on the precipice of a spewing volcano with a crazy sheep with bad intentions headed your way. BUT! Just about anything can happen now...

73. Posted by Isadora (Travel Guru 13926 posts) 13y Star this if you like it!

Suddenly, and unexpectedly, it's flashback time...
Seemingly lost in the vast, inhospitable plain o' Evil Island, our heroine (that's Eve, remember?) turns to her steadfast compatriot (Phil) and says, "I goot ta tell ya, this is one vast inhospitable plain! There isn't a good Guiness pub for miles. Oh look, there's the boundary of the vast inhospitable plain, right next to the lava spewing volcano. And, it looks like there are people there, or perhaps it's just a mushroom-induced mirage... Quickly, my steadfast compatriot, let's investigate!"

Down in the cave previously entitled The Sacred Olive/Onion of Lost Souls, Mr. Isa queries, "I say Ma Petite Miche, didn't you pack the "escape from all caves crossbow/grappling hook" in your Louis Vuitton satchel before we left Martini Mansion?" Mrs Isa: "Oh, so right you are, my Master of the Martini. It's right here, under the salmon canapes!" Mr. Isa: "Be so kind as to relinquish our salvation and I shall attempt to extricate us from this poorly lit tavern of doom." Deftly firing the crossbow, Mr. Isa masculinely fires and hits a conveniently placed tree. Gathering their well used Tiffany crystal and swizzle sticks, the Isa's free themselves from their appallingly decorated prison. Once reaching the surface, the following words resound throughout the island, "Ah, the great outdoors... Martini, Darling?"

Fast foward to present time...
An ultra-high-powered Evil dinghy speeds across the surface of a completely calm sea. At the helm, a giant figure comes into focus. Mysteriously, his right pinky seems fastened to his left ear. "Faster Evil Brother Pete! That damned Martini Blimp could ruin all of our very well thought out plans!" "The pedals' to the metal, Evil Brother Sam. What was that you were softly whispering in my ear? You know I'm a little deaf in that one." "I SAID, THOSE DAMNED ISA'S AND THEIR MARTINI BLIMP ARE HOVERING OVER OUR SUPER SECRET SIAMESE TWIN NORWEGIAN MAD SCIENTIST I.T. LAIR! WE HAVE TO STOP THEM BEFORE THEY DISCOVER OUR SECRET! WHY DON'T YOU EVER LISTEN TO ME?" "Right, that's what I thought you said. You know I'm a little deaf in that ear. And, you can get off my shoulder now."

Meanwhile, back at sugar sand beach... "Nobody expects the Spanish Inquistion, do they Mr. Deserter?"...

74. Posted by Rraven (Travel Guru 5924 posts) 13y Star this if you like it!

Nope but they never expect the Irish either.......

a strange rumbling can be heard, as evil brother sam looks down he sees what looks like a floating pint, out of no where it seems weejoe has found a submarine and is sitting under their dinghy........( rest assured gang joes got a supply of some good guiness)

75. Posted by Isadora (Travel Guru 13926 posts) 13y Star this if you like it!

Nobody expects the Irish either...
After miraculously patching the porthole, broken by RO Brenda(n), using their vast supply of duct tape and red plaid lumberjack shirts, the valiant crew of the Royal Canukistani Submarine "RCS Sinky Boat Thingy" (yes, it now has a name) has, after leaving the secluded cove, tracked down the Evil dinghy and has surfaced directly underneath them, hoisting them out of the completely calm waters.
Slowly, yet suddenly, the hatch on the conning tower opens, knocking Weejoe, who had been riding outside the submarine, into the (still) completely calm waters, forcing him to spill his pint of Guinness. Weejoe: "Dammit Captain Cupcake, you have made me spill me pint!" Captain Cupcake: "Sorry about that Joe. I'll have Katie fetch you another." Turning on her heel, Captain CC faces the Evil Twins. "Nobody expects the Spanish Inqui... Oh feck! We did that already."

Rrrrrriiinnnnggggg.... "Hello, Pete Evil here. Sorry, can't talk now, we have a bit of a situation. What? No, dammit, I don't want to change calling plans!"
Sam Evil begins hopping up and down on Pete's shoulder holding the radio's handset... "Evil brother, hang up the damn phone! We have to get hold of Mad Moderator Hien to rescue us from this seemingly inescapable Canukistani plot to ruin our plans of stopping those exceedingly good Isa's from ruining all of our perfectly evil plans."

Suddenly, and without warning, pints are being served aboard the RCS Sinky Boat Thingy. And, the Evil radio crackles to life... "Masters, Mad Moderator Hien here. Over. Are you okay? Over."

And still, Dolly (the sheep remember?) keeps charging... And charging... And charging... And... And, in it's large and relatively vicious teeth, grabs ahold of one of Vivacious Vixen Viv's Kenneth Cole thigh-high black leather stiletto boot heels, dragging her directly toward the secret entrance of the lava-spewing volcano, just to the left of the waterfall. "Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh, let me go, you still living (and breathing) Shetland blanket, you!"

The Wocca-beast, having recently recaptured the intrepid Isa's, turns on his heel. "Appease the volcano, this may not." Quickly taking advantage of the Wocca-beast's temporary confusion, Mrs. Isa slips a bit of knock-out drug into a fresh martini. "Oh, dear, sweet Wocca-beast, you look quite parched! Please, quench your thirst with this lovely "not drugged in any way" passion fruit martini." The Wocca-beast shrugs and quaffs the offering in one gulp. Within seconds, the Wocca-beast relinquishes his iron-like grip on the Isa's and falls face first into the muck, replying as he falls, "Confucious say, that one tasty martini!"
Intrepid herione, Nikki, somewhat befuddled, begins to gather the flock (get it - flock), "Good work Isa's! Now everyone gather around." Phil, Gelli and the Isa's approach Nikki. Mr. Isa: "Okay gang, we need a plan. We need to find Eve and stop the Evil Brothers. But first, a bit of refreshment."

Suddenly, and unexpectedly, Eve, recovering from her bout with the magic mushrooms, appears from behind a palm tree, trailed closely by her close friend, the llama who is not named Tina. "What the hell are you guys doing here? Who's blimp is that hovering over the volcano? Why is that sheep dragging the Vix Viv away? And, why hasn't anyone offered me a martini?"

76. Posted by Cupcake (Travel Guru 8468 posts) 13y Star this if you like it!

The only way this tread could be more if you throw Jude Law in as Capt.CupCakes love slave/cook ;)
heheh, just a suggestion:)

77. Posted by Cupcake (Travel Guru 8468 posts) 13y Star this if you like it!

tHread dammit, where is my edit button?!!

78. Posted by Isadora (Travel Guru 13926 posts) 13y Star this if you like it!

Well, Katie might be willing to give up being the galley wench, but we'll have to just see... Jude Law, huh? What happened to Gil??? Or is he suppose to show up too??? How many characters do you think we can juggle at one time??? Tina, how confused are you now?????

79. Posted by Cupcake (Travel Guru 8468 posts) 13y Star this if you like it!

Jude is more eye candy/sex toy material...Gil is the entire package, too bad he is just a character!

80. Posted by Rraven (Travel Guru 5924 posts) 13y Star this if you like it!

if we're throwing in characters can you throw in antonio banderas as zorro as my side kick !!! ;) (worth a try !)

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