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What to do when your Boyfriend doesn't want you to go..

Travel Forums General Talk What to do when your Boyfriend doesn't want you to go..

1. Posted by Lisa2014 (Budding Member 2 posts) 2y Star this if you like it!

Hi there,
I am wanting to go on a trip to America with one of my close teacher colleagues at the end of the year (4 weeks) . My partner of 2 years has made it clear to me before that he does not want me to go on any long holidays, especially with out him.

He purchased a block of land a year ago for quite a bit of money and wants to build on it. He wants me to go in on the house and use my savings to contribute. Therefore, He would view me going on this holiday as selfish because he is struggling for money, and I will be off holidaying. I have only been working full time for a few years and have only just saved enough money to be able to do a decent trip. I would have liked to have gone with him, but because he has purchased this block it isn't an option. He believes I need to prioritise my life. I feel terrible as I don't know how I'm even going to approach the situation?! I do feel bad and like I'm letting him down. I also however, don't want to miss this opportunity to go as I have worked hard to save my money.

2. Posted by Sander (Moderator 5164 posts) 2y Star this if you like it!

Did he ask your permission beforehand about buying the piece of land? Did you in any way give him the impression that you were a full partner in that endeavour? Do you have some kind of financial contract stipulating that your respective earnings are to be used for the two of you together?

Assuming the answers to the above are "no", if he's struggling for money due to buying this piece of land, and he's now expecting - without any prior agreement from you - that you solve that, then that is what I'd call selfish. He should've waited with buying until he could actually afford it, or done this as an equal partnership together with you (consciously, rather than just assuming you'd be a part of it without actually consulting you about that). You are not going to be letting him down. He has already let you down.

Obviously I'm getting a very onesided view on the situation here, but from what you describe, I think you need to make your partner realize that you are your own person, with your own life, capable of making your own decisions, and that if he wants to have input on those decisions, then that's taking the relationship (presumably) quite a big step further, and he should be prepared to give you an equal amount of input on his decisions. ...and even then, I'd tell him that such a situation will start after you've gone on this trip which you've been saving up for. He might see it as just a "holiday", but I suspect you see travelling a quite a bit more - as something which will give you experiences and impressions which you just can't get at home, which will enrich your life immeasurably, and which will help you do your own prioritisation for many more tough decisions to come.

3. Posted by Lisa2014 (Budding Member 2 posts) 2y Star this if you like it!

Hi Sander,

Thank you for taking the time to respond:)

At the time of the block purchase we weren't in a good place relationship wise. I had said to him that I believe the block is too expensive at this point in our lives (400k) . He went and purchased it any way as his parents thought it was a good piece of land.

You are right about the travelling, it is more to me. I want to experience what out of just my everyday norm.

Thanks again you words have helped!