Western girls beware of charming Sri Lankan men

I am a European woman married to a Sri Lankan 'man/boy/king' ha ? in their Mother's eyes!

A few words of warning for any other women thinking of marrying a Sri Lankan. It is not an easy path to go down. I worked very hard to bring my husband to Europe and now I think why? I know if things were the other way around I'd still be waiting. My husband is not a bad man really it is the culture of which he is a product of. Before we were married he was very relaxed and fun seemingly accepting of the western culture but after marriage things are different. He does not seem to have much respect for western women in general and makes negative comments, even though people have been nothing but welcoming to him. He thinks western women are alcoholics with loose morals (maybe some but not all). It is very difficult to get him to pay his way even when it is for his child. He does nothing in the house to help and leaves everything for me to do. He stares at girls/women when we are out he doesn't care if it hurts my feelings and does it in my face. His main goal is to build a home in Sri Lanka for his family and saves every penny for this purpose.

As I said a word of warning think before you take that path. We are still together but it can be hard and very very frustrating.

So, you are annoyed that he is showing a prejudice about western women?

In a post where you prejudice all Sri-lankan men?

Your grievances with his behavior are fair, but you shouldn't use it to draw conclusions about an entire culture. It sounds to me like you need to leave and find yourself someone who respects you. Just because you are on this path now, doesn't mean you have to stay on it.

I am not trying to taint an entire race however I have first hand experience, I am not the only one to feel this way. 61% of Sri Lankan marriages are unhappy and the very issues I have listed are cited. Sri Lanka needs to stop wrapping their sons in cotton wool and bring them up in a way which is conducive for a happy home life and not a life of servitude for it's women. I believe in marriage and do not want my children to come from a broken home.

It is just something for people to consider when marrying into such a different culture. In terms of gender equality Sri Lanka is about 100 years behind Europe.

I am anything but prejudiced, I have first hand experience of my marriage and seen many others having lived in Sri Lanka. Do you?

Just a word of warning and that is all I will say on the matter.

[ Edit: Edited on 05-Nov-2015, at 00:14 by malbec ]

I clearly have no experience being married to a Sri Lankan, but conversely you only have experience being married to one Sri Lankan. So neither of us can draw conclusions about how it is to be married to any Sri Lankan. But I do concede that marrying into a culture where gender equality lags is certainly a risky endeavor, particularly if you are unwilling to break the tie of marriage when things don't turn out as expected.

I understand your concerns about having children from a broken home, but do you really want your children to grow up in a family where the male is allowed to treat his spouse with disrespect and get away with it? If you have a daughter, they will grow up thinking the right thing to do is put up with this kind of behavior. If you have a son, they will grow up believing this is the normal way to treat women. The only option in which your kids experience what marriage should be like is one where you remarry with someone who actually respects you and treats you like an equal.

Whatever your choice, I do sincerely wish you all the best.

Apology for bumping an old thread, but I really think I should add my opinion into this discussion.

We are a couple, Sri Lankan man (The guy who's typing the message), and an American girl, and I totally get what she's saying. Actually, this problem is way more complex than how it looks. I'm not here to clean up our homie's mess. I'm open-minded.

Actually, part of me is kinda agreed but, I totally agree with Mr. Peter Because, I don't have their cultural -snip- in my head, I understand there is something really wrong in it, and I understood it very long ago, And we do exist. Not only me. I've seen plenty of guys who are sick of this cultural -snip-, and they know there is no good in it. Believe me, We are having dozens of "secret" groups in social networks, and we make fun outta our own cultural guys (We call 'em island minded people), the reason why we can't make fun of their fucked up cultural -snip- in public is because the majority don't get it right and they are so judgemental and very strict about it (even most of them ain't got no clue about the heck they are fighting for), and they would come to attack us with their idiotic stupid arguments.. (luckily I've seen in many places there is a trend about getting rid of this culture -snip-, finally, I really respect those guys. but still.. the majority is.. ), according to their lower IQ level, these guys don't see the reason why they should get rid of this stupid stone age outdated and expired mindset behind. Honestly, I really hate this fact, because, I understand the case that when the majority in the country has a very low IQ level, they get the same rights to choose their leaders, voting power, so those political puppets keep feeding them lies and they take their votes, so those these people send them back to the up chairs and that affects everything in the country (including us). Also, it causes the economical -snip- show we are having. which is a part of her problem too, as you can see this guy's ultimate goal to make a house in Sri Lanka, for me, it sounds way funnier (and sad), than how other people see it. because for me a house is just a place for living and I know it's not a big deal when you have a fine economy, and I know why he's doing it, he's trying so hard to archive it. Most of them have this stupid "Dreamhouse" concept in their heads. that sounds so typical of them, I understand why they are doing it. Also, I kinda have an idea he might be having a secret relationship with a Sri Lankan woman who's willing to marry, and there is a chance that he would try divorce this lady eventually or might be attempting to get her mind to that place (just guessing, it can be wrong, so please be smart about what you are talking to your husband).

Generally speaking, we pay four cars prices for one single car, because the government earns money than car factories by taxing more than 400% (This is true, do some researches). So regular people don't even get enough basic requirements for living, they are barely surviving, all the governments have been putting pressure on regular citizens and getting more and more money out of them by hardcore taxing. most politicians are /thefts/stealers/scammers/drug importers and dealers/rapists/bank robbers/kidnappers, most of them have no educational qualifications for their ranking positions, they are only qualified for spreading lies, they have power/ money to buy digital media and spread their lies around the country. They have their own private companies registered for taking government services, so they organize and steal money from citizens and provide very poor-quality services. When the news-media question about it, and make complaints, they pass the ball to each ranking positions and no one takes responsibility. there are billions/trillions of black money that they steal from innocent citizens by miss using political contacts. They save the money in international untraceable banks in overseas and let poor people suffer to the death.

These low IQ level simple-minded guys eat lies of tricky politician's like no one in the world. They vote and keep them in chairs. They never learn a lesson. There is a huge gap between poor-guy and rich-guy in Sri Lanka. Schools also not in the good standard for Poor-Dad's kid, So this is a chain that someone has to break, but no one is willing to do, because the rich class likes this "system/chain/circle". more regular citizens suffer..., they get more money out so they can have more fun, that's how the system works.

You can have tons of fun in Sri Lanka if you have good money... well... actually, you don't need much money if you are from Europe because when your currency changes to Sri Lankan Rupees, you can just buy a house with your pocket money lol (well okay not a house like your husband is looking for, I understand this stupid guy wants to show off his 'house' to others lol), and its a beautiful clean country filled with very helpful people who have sensitive hearts, and of course! you don't wanna get married to a typical cultural guy, so I advise you to be a little bit pickier than picking a guy from an economically stable country when you date a Sri Lankan.). Regular citizens have been running with this race for many decades, they just want to get basic living requirements no matter what it takes, so they developed this culture based on these facts. As a side effect of living with this system and running for this marathon for almost half of life, even tho after your husband finally found a way to make some good money, or get a chance to live happily in Europe or whatever the plan he has for his future, the mindset and his thinking patterns might have drilled down into his brain, he's still living in that dark age and he doesn't know there are people out there who could move on and think different.

You know, most parents wouldn't bless their daughter and let the guy go ahead and marry their daughter if that guy has no good economy, (parents measure it like, if the guy has a house, job, and car, most parents would accept him) that because they wouldn't like their children to suffer. That sound still stupid to me. You know what's funnier? Most daughters listen to their parents when they say "No" to the marriage because they have no idea what should they do without parents. Because they don't know how to think independently. they never go out and think about living their own life independently. They don't have that chance because they can't find a job that easily, due to the competition. It's a chaos, you better pull your man out of it and fix his brain before it too late. I still don't know what's really wrong with him, I can't judge by the cover of the book, but I'm generally speaking here, about "Sri Lankans" and their attitudes.
I used to repeat this phrase "Life is too short to have bad relationships, bad sex. need to find the right person",
before I found my girl/woman/slut/pet/princess (in my eyes).

so If you can see the bigger picture, you'll see the reason why they are being this selfish. But I would still say find a guy who's rich in knowledge and smart enough to live by himself, not a guy who would seek for the visa to move to a Europe country. (but most guys here would lie about anything to get it and act as very normal, trust me they don't wanna mess up the chance, bust some guys can be humble and honest about it. not everyone is a scammer)
In my case, I don't wanna move to another country, because I have money and everything I want here, and my girlfriend lives here with me. (well we can't do public kink stuff in here as in the USA, but still, we can survive without it lol) and we live alone. Not with my family (I can't get my family to understand my stuff, and I don't think that's necessary. I do whatever I want, so I have to live independently and I'm very ok with it)

Most importantly beware of cheaters/scammers, you may be the resource that he's using to archive his "dream house", so please be careful. (there are dozens of them in India too, they are the worst kind I've ever seen, because they have more population and economic issues than in SL so I'd say Sri Lankan's are way better, not because I wanna say my country is the best, which is not lol.. but we know we are better than them as a fact),
I wouldn't say anything about staring gurls/women in public. most guys do it, not only Sri Lankans, but he seems dumb if he does it in front of his married woman (idk the real reason why he's doing it, so I can't judge, and still it's not the problem of his culture), maybe he doesn't understand other people's point of view. lots of guys and girls both have that issue, not only in Sri Lanka.

We have good things to pull off from the culture but the sad truth is the majority of them only use it for their selfishness, for making dumb arguments when they feel jealous or some other selfish emotions, like she explained here "western women are alcoholics with loose morals" which I totally disagree, and also funny. I don't give a damn when gurls taking alcohol, I'm super open-minded and also I can be the most non-judgemental person in the world. I'm good at understanding other people's point of view. And of course, women deserve to have fun, why would anyone try to put limits? I'd ask him seriously wtf is wrong with it? I'd go for weeds and any kind of crazy -snip- with my girl, including any kind of weird crazy sexual fantasies (well I'm -snip- miles away from normal so you would call me crazy lol). and I'd never judge my gurl for having fun (the main reason why we are living happily).

Like you said; From guys who are products of this culture, It's so easy to find guys who say "I don't care about what other girls do, you're mine so you do as I say" than guys who have balls to open mouth and say "That's her choice, her fun, her decision, you don't have to worry about it".
CULTURE CULTURE CULTURE SERIOUSLY -snip-
I stopped thinking about what other people think about me very long time ago, I do whatever I want to do. not my culter/religion (I'm an atheist) or parents taught me to do. (still, you be careful when you picking a guy, not only in SL, every guy is not same, we do have every kind of guys in our country too, most of them are very sensitive and really helpful people. You've might have witnessed it too)

I had to make myself isolated more than half of my life to push away this cultural garbage out of my head (I was lucky enough to get a chance to be independent when I was 16, so I left home and I'm 30 now), I understand the frustration she's getting. Believe me, but it wasn't that hard for me to understand when I had the environment and enough time to process it in my brain but it took some time, but when I see those culturally minded people fighting with each other, I understand most people will never change, which is very sad. I am so done with them, I'm not proud of my country, so I hope you guys get a good image of the problem.
A fatherly advice and a suggestion from me: always go for open-minded guys, especially when you are choosing a guy to get married in a foreign country. Also Try to find an economically stable guy, who hasn't had a hard time in childhood. They can be too good to lose, but also selfish. The more tough time you get, the more selfish you will become. It's natural. so they wouldn't use much elbow grease making a house,

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[ Edit: Swearing removed - please see the forum rules. ]

My brother is married to a Czech girl and they have two kids. My brother has changed a lot now. I know lot of my friends who like doesn't like to stick with the culture. Sri Lanka is a mix of opinions. The culture is not strongly influenced on views as in India or China. So you can't make a stereotype based on your personal experience. This applies to my experience as well. Its a mix.

I'm sorry to both bumping this thread and about the lady's bad experience.
Apparently, she's found a 100% Sri-Lankan-to-the-core guy.
I can write a whole darn book about how their mentality works, how it all got started, yada yada yada. Believe me, I've been watching them for half of my lifetime, and it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure them out.
But, I'd like to call BS on one thing. She's written thus post painting all the SL guys with the same brush. That's not true. Most of my friends are fed up with Sri Lankans. Also I'm seeing trends in abandoning BS cultural thingys and actually sembracing the modern world. It's a good trend. But it's really hard to keep it up with all the media, the gov, the people, the society, and parents. So give them some time.
To the OP- What on earth are you doing with that poor excuse of a man? Idk if you've left him by now. Good choice if you have. Life is too short to be with bums. Just tell him to go have intercourse with himself.
SJ

To be brutally honest,

I don't think it is too much of an issue because not many Western women are attracted to Sri Lankan or Indian men.

Don't mean to offend anyone of that race but its true.