Western girls beware of charming Sri Lankan men

Travel Forums Off Topic Western girls beware of charming Sri Lankan men

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12. Posted by Dejna Wolker (First Time Poster 1 posts) 1y Star this if you like it!

Hello Everybody here,

I wasreading all what you here posted.
I have a Srilankan Boyfriend. We are not living together, but we are 1year in relationship.
I don't really understand sometimes how badly he cant talk to me. If I don't pic up his call, he is quickly thinking that I'm with another man. Iam really very sad of his behaving to me. He say, that I'm his wife and I must liesten what he say and he will liesten what I will tell him. I can understand when sometimes he is jelouse, but he hasn't any border. He control me all the time on the phone. He lives in Italy and he is waiting for his ID, it's should to mean, that he don't want to marry me for his Visa, but I don't understand how bad he can called me very with very vulgar words when he got crayzy from me, if I want to go to dance for example and I don't pic up his call. I love him, but more and more we know each other, then more he hasn't control with his bad talking to me.
But when we are together, he is very loveky to me,..
Can you please give me explain me what is this Srilanka mentallity? Iam thinking to stop with him, but
Iam afraid, that he will make me problems.
I know I look like I'm naive, but if I would't love him, I will don't write here for to get some oppinion or advice of you.

Thank you for your advice or coments.

13. Posted by leics2 (Travel Guru 2116 posts) 1y Star this if you like it!

Diana, your boyfriend's behaviour has nothing to do with his nationality or citizenship. It is to do with his ownmentality, his own personality and how he believes women should be treated.

His behaviour is already controlling. and he clearly thinks it's ok to 'talk badly' to you. It isn't. Nor is it ok to accuse you of being with another man if you don't answer his calls. That is not jealousy: he is simply trying to control you.

His behaviour will not change. If he comes to live with you he will continue to be controlling and continue to 'talk badly' to you when things don't go his way......and his behaviour may even escalate to physical abuse.

I know you say you love him but real love simply cannot happen unless and until people are together on a regular basis. It is impossible to know somebody else properly until we are with them in real life.

You're not naive. I think you already know that his behaviour is a massive red flag (a warning). You just need someone else to tell you that what you think is right....and that's what I'm doing.

>I am thinking to stop with him, but I am afraid, that he will make me problems.

Staying with a man or woman because you are afraid of what they might do if you break up is not the way to live your life. You already know this.

This I what I'd advise: tell him you are no longer interested and do not get into any discussion with him. Then immediately block his number and any social media accounts etc. Delete any emails without reading them. Have no further contact with him at all and move on with your life. Tell trusted friends and/or family what has happened so that they can support you.

If you do this I think it is very unlikely indeed that he will 'cause you problems'. He will be angry, and his pride will be hurt, but I bet he will quickly find an Italian girl to manipulate and control.

In the very unlikely (imo) event that he turns up in your country (I'm guessing it's an EU country?) and 'causes you problems', just go straight to the police and report him.

14. Posted by 55vineyard (Full Member 125 posts) 1y Star this if you like it!

I agree with leics, Diana, this "man" is obviously insecure and his behavior could easily escalate into physical violence. Dump him and find someone worthwhile and with whom you do not have to live in fear.

15. Posted by KaraKeith (First Time Poster 1 posts) 1y 1 Star this if you like it!

Hey OP and the recent poster Diana. I am very curious, why do you emphasize on the men from sri lanka? I mean there are a hell lot of other developing countries with so-called *charming men*.

The bigger question is, what's wrong with the men from your country or the neighbouring EU countries or any other well developed regions?

First things first, Sri Lanka is a developing country with limited resources or funds and almost 50% of it's people are living in poverty. What more do you expect from someone who most likely grew up in tough times and from a poor family?

If you look at the statistics, only 15% of it's citizens went to college, which isn't a surprise to me. So in my opinion, the likelihood of meeting a civilised man is pretty low... Now if you think about it, what are the chances of getting a man with *terrible behaviour* from these developing countries? And Please please, think logically! This is not a Sri Lankan or any other countries' mentality, this has something to do with the individual man's education.

Now it comes down to this question, Why would any western/foreign girls bring in men specifically from Sri Lanka?

It is very rare for a western/foreign girl to bring in men from Sri Lanka or any undeveloped countries.
It will cost thousands or even tens of thousands to bring someone from a country like Sri Lanka.
I wouldn't be stupid enough to throw money away as well as my precious time for the many paperwork and process to get myself an undereducated man.

Furthermore, after he arrives in europe and then what? The trouble does not stop... How is he going to make a living in this foreign country? How powerful is his resume? Who would employ someone who doesn't speak their native language? Chances are, you are going to provide him with everything for months or maybe even years... If no one employs him, the chances are he is going to be the many thieves that we heard about in Spain, Italy, France etc. At this point I would be surprise if the marriage still works.

I think this thread is redundant and there is no need for warnings of *charming men* from yada yada. Common sense is what almost everybody has and if you are stupid enough to take this hardship then that's too bad. The way I see it, I would choose to spend my money and time on countries I have never been to over bringing a man who I barely know, I am pretty sure almost every girl would agree with me too. :)

Posts 16 & 17 were removed by moderators
18. Posted by Amiiii (First Time Poster 1 posts) 3w Star this if you like it!

Quoting malbec

I am a European woman married to a Sri Lankan 'man/boy/king' ha ? in their Mother's eyes!

A few words of warning for any other women thinking of marrying a Sri Lankan. It is not an easy path to go down. I worked very hard to bring my husband to Europe and now I think why? I know if things were the other way around I'd still be waiting. My husband is not a bad man really it is the culture of which he is a product of. Before we were married he was very relaxed and fun seemingly accepting of the western culture but after marriage things are different. He does not seem to have much respect for western women in general and makes negative comments, even though people have been nothing but welcoming to him. He thinks western women are alcoholics with loose morals (maybe some but not all). It is very difficult to get him to pay his way even when it is for his child. He does nothing in the house to help and leaves everything for me to do. He stares at girls/women when we are out he doesn't care if it hurts my feelings and does it in my face. His main goal is to build a home in Sri Lanka for his family and saves every penny for this purpose.

As I said a word of warning think before you take that path. We are still together but it can be hard and very very frustrating.

I’m a Sri Lankan girl and I can’t agree more. I’m not married yet and to be honest I have no intention of getting married since I’m scared to get married to a Sri Lankan guy. 99% of SL men are as you described think of them as of a higher species and always talk down on girls/women but they worship their mothers. They have no respect for females but don’t even allow another guy to lay an eye on their sisters. There’s tons of things wrong with guys who grow up in Sri Lankan culture. Honestly I don’t know if it’s something wrong in my country or if it’s common in every culture with certain men.
I’m certain he could’ve even married you for PR. Certain men have that much low morals although there might be a rare few men with good values. Haven’t met any.
Hope you had a courage to make the right decision and is doing well now.

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