1.
Posted by
Anderz
(Budding Member 2 posts)
7y
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Hi Everyone,
This is my first post and would appreciate some advice. I've always dreamed of travelling (my whole adult life) and an opportunity has presented itself with my employer whereby I am able to take 3 months off work. I intend to go travelling around South East Asia and in a perfect world I would love my partner to come with me. Unfortunately, my partner will never be able to get the time off and he is very high up within his company so 3 months off is not going to happen.
I am going to talk to him about me going travelling by myself and I know that he is not going to take it very well. My relationship is everything to me but I feel that this is a once in a lifetime opportunity and I should grab it with both hands while I can. I don't want to regret it in the future if I choose not to do this!
Has anyone been in this situation or can offer some advice about how I should approach the conversation?
Thanks
Andy
2.
Posted by
Teoni
(Travel Guru 1897 posts)
7y
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I hate to sound cliched but if your partner really cares for you he would see how important this is to you..In fact what you just said here
I've always dreamed of travelling (my whole adult life)
This is what you need to tell, that this opportunity will fufill a great ambition in your life.
3.
Posted by
CheersT
(Inactive 2578 posts)
7y
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Sorry, but when something is a lifelong dream then I can't imagine a loving partner who wouldn't be fully supportive and 100% dedicated to helping make it happen.
Frankly, the fact that you're even asking the question is very sad to me.
Good luck.
Cheers,
Terry
4.
Posted by
Beausoleil
(Travel Guru 2116 posts)
7y
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I had an opportunity like that once when we had three young children. My husband actively supported me and cheerfully offered to care for the kids while I was gone. Admittedly, it was only a little over a month, but he did this for years. He realized it was a wonderful opportunity for me and what I brought home from it was a gain for the entire family.
He occasionally had to travel for work and it certainly never bothered me. If you can't support each other, you need to look at your relationship or your goals. Something has to change.
Just tell him what you told us and if it's a problem, the two of you need to discuss why it's a problem. If there are valid concerns, they need to be addressed. If it's insecurity, that needs to be addressed. If it's jealousy, you have a real problem because I know no cure for that. If it's financial, i.e. rent/mortgage, that needs to be worked out. Most of all, you need to talk.
And remember what my father always told me, "99% of the things you worry about never happen." The meaning was, don't worry about it; do something about it.
Good luck.
5.
Posted by
Scottyy
(Budding Member 25 posts)
7y
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I was in the same boat a few weeks ago. I was with someone I have been with for 2 and a bit years but I've got my own dreams and opportunities to follow. So I just came out with it at home I said I'm going traveling you have got 2 choices you can love me and support me or we can call it a day and leave it at that. Well I can tell you it was a car crash but it needed to be done. Never hide it because you will convince your self out of it. Sounds selfish but it's not you need to live your own dream you can't live someone else's.
6.
Posted by
Teoni
(Travel Guru 1897 posts)
7y
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Scottyy in quite right and again you said it yourself
I don't want to regret it in the future if I choose not to do this
If you don't do this you will end up bitter, regretful and probably come to resent your partner for making you give up this opportunity in which case your relationship isn't going to make it anyway. I do hope that talking together you can come to some agreement so you can fufill your dreams but if he isn't willing to budge you have to really think if both your goals and ambitions are just too different for you to stay together. Whatever the reason that brought you together the reality is as we grow we change, some people grow together and some will grown apart and you may have to be prepared for this.
7.
Posted by
Scottyy
(Budding Member 25 posts)
7y
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Wel said teoni You only have one life. And you need to live it. There are some people in this world who can't see outside of the life they live already so in turn have no desire to travel or take chances in live.
Don't get me wrong in a ideal world no one wants to end there relationship if they don't need to..
but those who hold you back arnt right for you.
It is hard talking to partners about it And if the out come is going your separate ways then so be it. But everything happens for a reason. LIFE LESSON LEARNT
It's that hole could of, should of , didn't , LIVE LIFE !!
Just jump !!
Plus you can think about the rest of your life on the plane ride home after traveling
I really hope you make the right choice I know I did and I'm glad I just done it. The world is there to be experienced not looked at on google
8.
Posted by
Beausoleil
(Travel Guru 2116 posts)
7y
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Has anyone heard of compromise? You say your partner can't get 3 months off work. What about taking off a week each month and meeting you someplace? He might really enjoy that and so would you.
Discuss possibilities before you start ending what seems to be a satisfactory relationship. Good relationships take work, and sometimes compromise. Don't just toss it without giving it some thought. A lifetime of deadend relationships doesn't lead to a happy old age. Just a thought.
9.
Posted by
Teoni
(Travel Guru 1897 posts)
7y
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Don't get me wrong I'm not suggesting he throw away his relationship, that is why I said I hope he and his partner come to some agreement but he clearly believes his desires will cause major conflict within his relationship otherwise he wouldn't be here asking advice he would just talk to his partner. I'm just saying if his partner can't compromise he needs to be prepared to make big decisions and decide what really is important to him. Your right a lifetime of deadend relationships is no good but a lifetime of a resentful relationship is just as unhealthy. Breaking up the three months into smaller segments sounds like a pretty good compromise another suggestion is there anyway your partner could do some work while on the road maybe that would make his workplace more amenable to him taking time off?
[ Edit: Edited on 14-Jul-2017, at 02:41 by Teoni ]
10.
Posted by
Anderz
(Budding Member 2 posts)
7y
Star this if you like it!
Thanks everyone for the replies. I sat him down last night and explained the situation with work and what I wanted to do. He instantly dismissed it and said that he was unable to support me doing this.
He said he would miss me too much and that he thinks I'm being selfish and putting my desire for travel over our relationship.
He is a little needy and always has been but he is a fantastic partner overall and I'm very happy in our relationship. He is at work now and I hope he takes the time to think about it and try and put himself in my position.
Anyway, it went as bad as a thought it was going to be. I don't have a lot of time to wait for him to come round as I need to tell my employer what my intentions are as soon as possible.
Pretty upset about the whole situation because even if I went without his blessing, I don't think I would be able to enjoy my trip half as much as I would if he was supporting me.
I guess he just doesn't understand as he is a very home minded person and gets comfort and satisfaction in having a nice home and spending time with friends and family which is fine and I like that too but I love love love to travel and dream about seeing the world. After all, we don't know what's round the corner and I am blessed to have my health and be in a financial position to be able to do this. I'm going to talk to him again when he gets home and see if he has had a chance to think about more.