Lost and yet to be found.

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1. Posted by Mr. Blue Sky (Budding Member 4 posts) 27w Star this if you like it!

Hello folks,

Joined this forum recently in hope to find some clearance and guidance about things that trouble me lately.
About year and a half ago I met the love of my life in Kuala Lumpur, a danish woman, and since, we've been travelling back and forth.
Dreaming about travelling the world, having a gap year ,though, the both of us have things to do and finish before we can be together.

As we get closer to our goal, the more afraid and lonely I get. My mind worries all the time and it's corrupting our relationship.
You see, last year my mother got sick and things changed, Life as we know changed, and time became a big aspect in our lives.
Also, I'm having a stable job at our government. Working fulltime as I was tought, yet I feel empty without adventure or challenge.

I know I shouldn't be asking this to anyone else than myself but no one seems to be able to talk to nor had the experience of taking a gap year and quiting your job, leaving everything behind.
Except for my girlfriend that is, "whose backpack I've been filling with stones, to many to carry".

I don't want to be alone, and I'm in search for guidance. Anyone trying to proces or dealing with the similar?
There's no wrong or right answer, but would it be egoistic to escape this foul reality I'm living in now and go travelling, in search for something I think that i've been missing my whole life, when there's so much going on here? Is it true that a one year gap really changes perspective and perhaps after some time I would stop worrying so much about everything?

[ Edit: Edited on 11-Feb-2018, at 03:17 by Mr. Blue Sky ]

2. Posted by woinparis (Inactive 145 posts) 27w Star this if you like it!

Don't know how I czan help here. Guess you are right to discuss it though. But maybe not on a travel forum. I've never had this kind of 'crisis' asking myself what I should od. So my opinion is jsut to ask yourself the right questions : what do you want ? Do you want to stay with your woman or travel to meet other people ?
If she is the one for you, then include her in your discussions. As far as I'm concerned, love goes above everything else. But it is up to you to set your priorities - travel, love, work, etc.

3. Posted by goodfish (Budding Member 126 posts) 27w Star this if you like it!

I can't help either. Jobs and sickness and raising children and various responsibilities are a fact of life, and having to deal with it is not a "crisis." Not having the resources to pay for food, housing and health care and/or living in the middle of a war zone is a crisis.

We were into our 40's before we had the money and enough holiday time from our jobs to travel, and it's often the same for most people who are in the enviable position to travel abroad at all. Doesn't matter if you do it now or do it later, it's worthwhile at whatever life stage you can manage.

There are bigger things to worry about.

4. Posted by Mr. Blue Sky (Budding Member 4 posts) 26w Star this if you like it!

Quoting woinparis

Don't know how I czan help here. Guess you are right to discuss it though. But maybe not on a travel forum. I've never had this kind of 'crisis' asking myself what I should od. So my opinion is jsut to ask yourself the right questions : what do you want ? Do you want to stay with your woman or travel to meet other people ?
If she is the one for you, then include her in your discussions. As far as I'm concerned, love goes above everything else. But it is up to you to set your priorities - travel, love, work, etc.

The thing is, wich I might have not explained very well. Me and my woman are same of mindset.
She will be going with me on this one year gap. She's going through univ. as we speak and working inbetween to get the amount of money needed.
The hard part here is, that my family has been raised in a rather different "perception" of how one should live his life.
They're very hard to talk to about this, always supportive but they only want the best for me in their "world".
They cannot believe I would give up a perfect stable job, and they do not believe I can do anything else than what I'm doing right now, cause they've been doing this and been tough to.
That being said, the part that my mother got terribly ill, makes it even harder to take a step towards long term travelling, heck even moving to Denmark, to start a live there.

So bassicaly I don't have to choose between love and travel, but travel and love opposing work and family.
Anyways, thanks for the reply and granted insight.

[ Edit: Edited on 12-Feb-2018, at 07:25 by Mr. Blue Sky ]

5. Posted by Mr. Blue Sky (Budding Member 4 posts) 26w Star this if you like it!

Quoting goodfish

I can't help either. Jobs and sickness and raising children and various responsibilities are a fact of life, and having to deal with it is not a "crisis." Not having the resources to pay for food, housing and health care and/or living in the middle of a war zone is a crisis.

We were into our 40's before we had the money and enough holiday time from our jobs to travel, and it's often the same for most people who are in the enviable position to travel abroad at all. Doesn't matter if you do it now or do it later, it's worthwhile at whatever life stage you can manage.

There are bigger things to worry about.

I'm very aware of that, don't worry. and I know some of my problems are luxury problems. Yet, I have been saving up money, working since I graduated, never been jobless. Always trying to be a good person to any.
And talking about poverty and starvation, is the main reason I want to travel the world. I've been to places before for short and fell in love with the pure honnesty. The love for life even when they know there are so many more having better than you. Many western people only give a damn about how much they can show of with and try to make themselves happy with buying anything they can get their hands on.

I'm hoping to escape this reality wich I live in, and most of us live in. Yet we all have responsabilities to the people we love, especially to those being hurt unfairly.
And as I speak today there's nothing bigger to worry about than the time I have left with my mother, and my making this life with my girlfriend. Wich are such emotional but personal subjects, and no one will ever care about this as much as you.
untill you've felt or been there yourself. So yes, I do want to travel while I'm young, cause I got 30 more years inbetween now and then to do something about it.

Thanks for reply and insight.

6. Posted by Sander (Moderator 5258 posts) 26w Star this if you like it!

Travel does not have to be standing opposite of work. I speak from experience when I say that relevant work experience abroad can look really good on your CV, and open the door to much better opportunities than you'd have if you'd stick it out with your current job. Plus being on the road longterm tends to be helpful for giving one more confidence in their own problem solving ability, which is again helpful in your later career.
Yes, there's risk involved in leaving your job, but there's also a potential reward.

How realistic it is to find an area to work in probably depends a lot on the type of work you do, and you don't give your citizenship, but if you're Malaysian (I guess this based on you meeting in Kuala Lumpur), there's working holiday visa options available for you in Australia and New Zealand.

Try to look as critically as possible at the concept of spending 3-6 months in either of those countries, working in your current field. Check job search engines for relevant jobs, see if you have the experience, or lack anything that you can still gain before the intended travel date approaches.

Then probably the hard part will be convincing your family that this can be a realistic and (at least potentially) positive career move, and not just wishful thinking. But that still sounds like a more hopeful approach than just leaving for a year of vagabonding without any plan for your return.

7. Posted by Teoni (Respected Member 532 posts) 26w Star this if you like it!

When you say your mother is sick are we talking terminal illness, degenerative illness where she will get to a stage unable to look after herself or is it just a temporary sickness where she will get better albeit after a long time? Do you have other family who can help look after her?

If you are worried about time with your mother perhaps an idea would be for your girlfriend to come to Malaysia and to travel around Asia instead of the world so if things take a turn for the worst you won't be too far away.

[ Edit: Edited on 12-Feb-2018, at 14:00 by Teoni ]

8. Posted by Mr. Blue Sky (Budding Member 4 posts) 26w Star this if you like it!

There's some confusion I see on the matter of my residence.
I meant that I met my girlfriend in Maleisia, but I live in Belgium. So that's pretty close to Denmark.
And it's both our dream to go travel a year as soon she finished university.
And my mother has spreaded cancer since a year ago.
She's fine today, but we know she can't be cured with today's medicines. We have no idea of how long she has. It's a matter on how long her immumsystem can take al the medication to neutralize.
So i'm inbetween my mother's health, my parents that don't really understand my motives to travel a year and perhaps moving to Denmark in time being.

Thanks for reply and insight.

9. Posted by Beausoleil (Travel Guru 667 posts) 26w Star this if you like it!

Travel will always be there; you're mother will not. Enjoy and comfort your mother, let your girlfriend finish university and then you have a lifetime to travel. Even after you have children, you can travel. Sometimes it is even more fun with the kids. After they're grown, you'll still have many many years to travel with just the two of you.

The young always seem to think everything must be done now. In effect, most of us have many years ahead of us.

Whatever you decide, enjoy life.

10. Posted by Teoni (Respected Member 532 posts) 26w 1 Star this if you like it!

Denmark and Belgium is not far from each other and easy to visit. If you are both committed it shouldn't be too hard to maintain a relationship.

But my point still stands, if you need to travel do so around Europe so you can get back quickly if necessary.

If you are trying to make your family understand your desire one way that could help is to start a blog so your family can follow you and your trip and they will get to see the impact travelling has on you. Along with video chat apps it would also be a great way to keep in contact with your family especially your mother.

[ Edit: Edited on 13-Feb-2018, at 13:11 by Teoni ]