Travel Vs Relationship

Travel Forums General Talk Travel Vs Relationship

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1. Posted by Pazx (First Time Poster 1 posts) 6w Star this if you like it!

Hi everyone, this is just a quick question and would like your point of view :)

So I've been in a relationship for the past year with my current partner and he knew I wanted to travel at the beginning of our relationship. He didnt think much about it at the time but as we've become more serious he isn't too keen on the idea of us being apart for a year and doesn't see the point in a relationship.
I can't ask him to come travelling with me either as he has a 2 year old and I've grown quite attached to his lil boy so it has put me in 2 minds about travelling.

I travelled Australia for 3 months when I left high school then went on to study cabin crew & Aviations when I got home and I've always wanted to go back and explore more of Aus and New Zealand. It's been 5 years since I went to aus around 2/3 years ago I was saving up to travel back but then due to being in a complicated relationship for 2 yrs at the time made things abit difficult to do and eventually gave up on the idea of ever travelling and now recently started thinking about travelling again.

I'm only 21 and would like to travel while I'm young but at the same time I don't want to lose my partner and his lil boy or be someone that came into his life to walk out if that makes sense. My partner is also 31 so he's pretty much done everything and I don't think he understands that I haven't lived that part of life yet and I only went to my first rave last week
I would like to know what your point of view would be on this situation? :)

[ Edit: Edited on 11-Dec-2019, 09:32 GMT by Pazx ]

2. Posted by BeateR (Full Member 180 posts) 6w 1 Star this if you like it!

You are so young, you'll have so much time left for travelling. Why should all things always happen immedately.
Take your time, stay with your partner as long as possible. You don't know what will happen with these partnership. And if it takes lifelong, the child will grow up very fast and then you'll have enough time for travelling together with your partner.
If you think 20 years ahead you still we be young enough, lets say in the best age, for travelling.

3. Posted by Traveller002 (Budding Member 38 posts) 6w Star this if you like it!

It may be a good time to sit down with your partner and have a talk on your travelling goals and plans to see if you guys are in sync in the long run. If he does not have the same idea on travelling like you, the reality is that one of you have to compromise. If he is okay travelling, maybe you can compromise and make plans such as saving together for the trip? Taking the lil boy along when he is older? Something like a family overseas trip ya know?

4. Posted by AndyF (Moderator 1832 posts) 6w 1 Star this if you like it!

You've got a conflict that can't easily be resolved.

Personally I'd not be in a relationship with someone who's shown such poor judgement - he's had a child with someone and they've split up after a year. My morality is if you're going to have kids you do it with someone who's for keeps, so the kid has a stable family environment. Splitting up after a year means he judged it badly wrong.

If he doesn't think your relationship is worth pursuing if you go travelling, that reinforces my view of him. He clearly doesn't think you're worth any sacrifice.

If you stick with him, you're going to feel resentment that he held you back. And I suggest he's going to let you down in other ways too.

5. Posted by BeateR (Full Member 180 posts) 6w 1 Star this if you like it!

Andy, you don't know why the partnership of this guy has broken? Maybe it was the fould for the lady?
And as I sayed, with only 21 years of age Pazx will have such a long time for travelling, that it should not be a problem to wait maybe one year or even two to see how this partnership will grow, or even not. And in 2 years she will see much clearer what to expect in her life and can react better.

6. Posted by Traveller002 (Budding Member 38 posts) 6w Star this if you like it!

Yea, a little too early to cast a judgement although I can see where Andy is coming from. If traveling is a biggie for you, you may have to reconsider things over if he isn't budging.

7. Posted by ToonSarah (Travel Guru 1084 posts) 6w Star this if you like it!

I don't think we should be judging your partner (sorry Andy!) without knowing the facts about his past relationship, and anyway this is more about you than him. You're only 21, you've only been with him a year. You don't know yet how the relationship will progress but if it matters to you that you make a success of it (and it sounds as if it does), then I think leaving for a long spell of travelling after just a year together is risky. You need to ask yourself what matters most to you at this point - this guy, or giving into your travel bug? My own instinct, if you want to keep him, is to put any thoughts of a long trip on hold for the time being. Instead, why not plan a short trip that you can all do together? You'll get to scratch that itch a bit, you'll all have valuable time together, and he may see that having a small child isn't incompatible with travelling. You could also do some shorter trips on your own, not staying away too long, just to see how you both feel under those circumstances.

I see you live in the UK, so like me you're in the fortunate position of having all of Europe on your doorstep. Australia won't go away, you can go back there later when your circumstances may have changed and/or your partner would like to come with you :)

8. Posted by AndyF (Moderator 1832 posts) 6w 1 Star this if you like it!

And there was me trying to give the non-judgemental version just based on the facts. :)

I think if you travel for a year you'll come back a changed person. So you could set him free and leave open the possibility of rekindling the relationship once you return. If so, I think it likely you'll view him as a bit limited when you come back, as you'll have seen a wider view of the world.

In any case if someone loves you, I would hope they wouldn't want to hold you back, and they'd want to find a way for you to fulfil your dreams even if they aren't shared dreams. Isn't one definition of love to put someone's happiness ahead of your own. Sounds like you are showing love toward hum but he's not doing the same back.

9. Posted by greatgrandmaR (Travel Guru 1405 posts) 6w 1 Star this if you like it!

Why does having a 2 year old mean that he can't travel? Why not plan a short beach type vacation someplace nearby with your friend and his son? Then you can see whether he really does not like traveling (some people don't). And he can see a little bit of what it is that you like about traveling. You will both have more information to see if the two of you and traveling are compatible so you can decide.

10. Posted by Teoni (Travel Guru 851 posts) 6w Star this if you like it!

I like the idea of doing short trips with your partner and his son. It is a good way to test the waters and see if there is some compromise that you two could come up with.

I know people say 21 is young and you have plenty of time but what I have noticed as people get older they tend to get encumbered with responsibilities that can hinder the possibility to take that trip, also you never know where your health will be. I know people who regret not travelling earlier in life before their health took a turn for the worst. So I do understand that when you find yourself in a position where travel is possible it is really tempting to take it because you never know if you leave it too long it might not be so easy to pack up and go.

You and your partner need to have a good discussion and work on some options that you could do altogether. Travelling with kids is not impossible and the fact that it is two guardians and one kid it is pretty much the ideal situation. Just this year I was in Poland at Morskie Oko and there is a steep walk to a lake further up the mountain and many families climbed with their kids. Some had young children strapped to their back in some contraption whose name I don't know and they still had more kids walking next to them;).

[ Edit: Edited on 12-Dec-2019, 13:54 GMT by Teoni ]