Sabbatical planning with uninterested partner?

Travel Forums General Talk Sabbatical planning with uninterested partner?

1. Posted by LMugwump (First Time Poster 1 posts) 6w Star this if you like it!

Hello fellow travellers!

I am after some advice...
I am 27, married to my best friend - and yet he has no interest in the sabbatical than I have been planning for us for years.

Despite loving a two/three week adventure my husband has always been a career man and a sabbatical is just not a priority to him.

I have been plugging this for years and managed to convince him a 2 month trip won't stunt his career - however this trip keeps being placed on hold while we wait for that next promotion or job move etc...

Is this sabb always going to keep getting pushed out and should I compromise on the trip I have been dreaming of? My goal was always a 6 month leisurely trip where we can spend a decent amount of time in each destination and potentially work at some point and makes a base for ourselves. At this rate we are headed for an around the world in 80 days whirlwind in off season 'when it fits in with our careers' . My job is less important to me than this trip, whereas my husband's is. Am I able to do part of this trip solo given our commitment to one and other and our financial commitments?

Would love to hear from anyone that has taken time out to travel while being in a serious relationship/married ????

2. Posted by karazyal (Travel Guru 2836 posts) 6w Star this if you like it!

One thing I would do is not keep calling this "extended holiday" a sabbatical all the time. Extended vacation might sound less scary and daunting!

One person who wants to make a career of his job with promotions and retirement benefits and the other person who could care less about working - to me - is like chalk and cheese or apples and oranges!

Some people wait until they win big lotteries or when they retire for their extended holiday trips.

"Am I able to do part of this trip solo given our commitment to one and other and our financial commitments?"

Maybe. And if your husband isn't onboard you may have lots of time for more sabbaticals also all alone.

  • * Right now you may struggle to find a place overseas where you can do what you want without spending time in quarantine and having to take tests to see if you have the dreaded "virus."

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What part of the world are you interested in?

3. Posted by HomerJ (Budding Member 7 posts) 2w 1 Star this if you like it!

Hi

If this is important to you, then do it. If your partner doesn’t want to go, and that is totally reasonable, then head off yourself.

But don’t put it off. My mother always wanted to travel but my father didn’t. When I get to 65 she promised herself. At 64 she was diagnosed with Cancer, died three weeks later.

Life is shorter than we think.

4. Posted by Bennytheball (Budding Member 74 posts) 2w Star this if you like it!

I agree with Homer, if your partner does not want to travel just go it alone, I have travelled most of the world in my youth years and found it easy and educational. You will also discover that being alone you become more approachable to local people, two can be a crowd and makes it more difficult getting lifts on the highway.

Sadly at the moment it's not a good time to go anywhere due to the Pandemic, but there is nothing stopping you from starting to make travel plans for when vaccinations become more readily available.

Meanwhile keep on dreaming....it's what can keep you busy and passing the time constructively.

5. Posted by Beausoleil (Travel Guru 1708 posts) 2w 1 Star this if you like it!

This isn't a good time to start but when some semblance of normalcy returns, plan your trip and go. If your husband doesn't want to go, he shouldn't be forced into it. I've gone on vacations by myself many times and have plenty of friends whose partners prefer to stay home and take care of the dogs while they travel the world. You don't have to do everything together. We've been married over 55 years and a bit of flexibility helps a lot. He'll love your pictures and you'll have loads of things to talk about when you get back. He might even decide to join you in the future. My husband did.

[ Edit: Edited on 29 Dec 2020, 05:44 GMT by Beausoleil ]

6. Posted by Teoni (Travel Guru 1325 posts) 2w Star this if you like it!

If he is your best friend as you say then you should be able to do things apart. I have destinations that I know I won't be able to partner with anyone so solo I have to go. You can't really force someone to spend their time and money on things they are not interested in. Perhaps as a suggestion you could go for your 6 month trip and he can join you from time to time when it is convenient to him.

7. Posted by Psamathe (Budding Member 99 posts) 2w Star this if you like it!

Ignoring C-19 and regarding the travel, there are so many variables it is difficult to make suggestions, but thoughts:
If you are thinking about 2 months - I personally would call it a "holiday" rather than "travelling". Many following a career would be posted away from home for longer than that. And with internet video links you are not even remote anywhere.

Personality is a major factor. Some forced to abandon plans (e.g. travel plans) will gradually resent that sacrifice more and more over time whilst others will see it as compromise and wont be a big issue (just as long as compromise is a "both ways" thing and does not become one partner making all the sacrifices for the other).

Personally (which may not apply to you) I'd be wanting far longer than 2 months.

There may be compromises that allow you both to achieve what e.g. you head off travelling alone long term but periodically your partner flies out and spends a week somewhere they find "interesting" (maybe a beach resort if that is what they like, maybe historical region, wildlife area, etc.). So partner has a holidays with you to see/refresh/etc. and you travel but spending time together (givn careers often mean postings away from home anyway).

Post 8 was removed by a moderator
9. Posted by emjean (Budding Member 2 posts) 5d Star this if you like it!

I hear you and have been through something similar. I’m 28 and was in a relationship for 6 years with a partner who hated travelling. After some time, I knew that my dream of travelling with my partner at the time was not going to happen and it was so strenuous trying to make it happen you know? Luckily I met a friend who loved to travel and went for a month to Indonesia. That was the beginning of the end of my relationship. We were just two very different people. I had a blast with my friend and then a year later my partner at the time decided to come with me to Peru. Needless to say... It didn’t end well and we broke up shortly after. Then the following year I met my current partner and was very upfront that I plan to spend the rest of my life travelling if I’m able to and they have the same goal :)

I’m not saying that will happen with your relationship... I don’t even know you ofcourse let alone the intricacies of your relationship. But like others said you can go it alone and it may lead you to so many other paths. It’s worth it to chase that dream and if your husband is there for you and cares about you he will understand. It’s also very accomplishing to travel somewhere alone you know? You see a lot about yourself.