Joke of the day.

Travel Forums Off Topic Joke of the day.

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311. Posted by PirateDani (Budding Member 153 posts) 11y Star this if you like it!

A guest, on a private sailboat on a compass heading to the Bahamas, had to hit the head. Excusing himself he left the main cabin.

Shortly after, a sudden squall hit the ship. A giant freak wave rolled over the vessel and, with a stress breach in the hull, the boat began taking on water!

Just short of sinking and with his guests and crew in the life boat, the captain realized someone was missing. Working his way towards the aft cabins and fighting the onslaught of water rushing in, he broke open the door to the head.

There stood the missing guest. Shaken and confused he looked at the captain and said, "I don't understand, all I did was pull the handle!"

>>Keep Flying, Stay Shiny, and lets get that Gorram Trilogy<<
>>>>>>>We will rise again, you cant stop the signal<<<<<<<<<<

ps: for those who dont know, on a boat, The Heads are the Toilets

312. Posted by Isadora (Travel Guru 13926 posts) 11y Star this if you like it!

On a transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning.

One woman, in particular, loses it. Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane. "I'm too young to die," she wails.

Then she yells, "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable! Is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?"

For a moment there is silence. Everyone  has forgotten their own peril. They all stare, eyes riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane.

Then a cowboy from Wyoming stands up in the rear of the plane. He is handsome, well built, with dark brown hair and blue eyes. He starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt, one at a time.

No one moves.

He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest.

She gasps . .

He whispers . .

"Iron this. Then get me a beer."

313. Posted by PirateDani (Budding Member 153 posts) 11y Star this if you like it!

A sailor was caught AWOL as he tried to sneak on board his ship at about 3 am.The chief petty officer spied him and ordered the sailor to stop. Upon hearing the sailor's lame explanation for his tardiness, the officer ordered the sailor to, "Take this broom and sweep every link on this anchor chain by morning or it's the brig for you!"

The sailor picked up the broom and commenced performing his charge. As he began to sweep, a Tern landed on the broom handle. The lad picked the tern off the broom handle, giving the bird a toss. The Tern left, only to return and light once again on the broom handle.
The sailor went through the same routine over and over again. He couldn't get any cleaning done because he could only sweep at the chain once or twice before the blasted bird returned. In the morning the chief petty officer, came to checked the sailor and his work.

"What in the heck have you been doing all night? This chain is no cleaner than when you started! What have you to say for yourself, sailor?" barked the chief.

"Honest, chief," came the reply, "I tossed a Tern all night and couldn't sweep a link!"

>>Keep Flying, Stay Shiny, and lets get that Gorram Trilogy<<
>>>>>>>We will rise again, you cant stop the signal<<<<<<<<<<

314. Posted by Ahila (Inactive 1529 posts) 11y Star this if you like it!

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied , "in-laws

315. Posted by PirateDani (Budding Member 153 posts) 11y Star this if you like it!

I have a really similar one to that!

A couple had gotten into a huge row eralyer that day, and had been giving each other the silent treatment the rest of the day. As they were getting ready for bed, the man remembered that he had to be up at 5am to go to a meeting. Not wanting to break the silence first, he wrote on a peice of paper Wake me up at 4.30am And then got into bed.

The next morning, the man woke up to find that it was 9am and that his wife had already left, mad that he was so late he sat up and a peice of paper fell off his chest, picking it up to read it, it said
Its 4.30am Wake Up!

316. Posted by Ahila (Inactive 1529 posts) 11y Star this if you like it!

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM " He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM
and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."

317. Posted by Ahila (Inactive 1529 posts) 11y Star this if you like it!

We posted the same joke at the same time!

(I received the joke in a chain email earlier today)

318. Posted by PirateDani (Budding Member 153 posts) 11y Star this if you like it!


We must have gotten the same round robin!

319. Posted by Clarabell (Travel Guru 1696 posts) 11y Star this if you like it!

Did you hear about the man who was admitted to hospital after eatibng daffodil bulbs?

The doctors say he'll be out in the spring.

320. Posted by Jase007 (Respected Member 8870 posts) 11y Star this if you like it!

True love.

A man met a beautiful lady and he decided he wanted to marry her right

She protested, "But we don't know anything about each other."

He replied, "That's all right, we'll learn about each other as we go along.
So she consented, and they were married, and went on a honeymoon to a very nice resort.

One morning, they were lying by the pool when he got up took off his
towel, climbed up to the 10 meter board and did a two and a half tuck
gainer, entering the water perfectly, almost without a ripple this was
followed by a three rotations in jack-knife position before he again
straightened out and cut the water like a knife. After a few more
demonstrations, he came back and lay down on his towel.

She said, 'That was incredible!" He said, "I used to be an Olympic
diving champion. You see, I told you we'd learn more about ourselves as
we went along." So she got up, jumped in the pool and started doing
laps. She was moving so fast that the froth from her pushing off at one
end of the pool would hardly be gone before she was already touching
the other end of the pool. She did laps in freestyle, breaststroke, even butterfly!

After about thirty laps, completed in mere minutes, she climbed back
out and lay down on her towel, barely breathing hard.

He said, "That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?"
"No" she said,

"I was a hooker in Govan and I worked both sides of the Clyde ."

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