would you consider it...?

Travel Forums General Talk would you consider it...?

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1. Posted by mim (Travel Guru 1276 posts) 11y Star this if you like it!

This might be a bit of a depressing subject but I'm interested in peoples opinions.

If someone close to you was quite ill (in the BIG sense of being ill) would you consider going travelling? even for one or two months?

think...maybe you needed to do it for yourself, to get away and clear your head...? But on the other hand you didn't want to leave because that person might need you...

please be sensitive when replying to this topic, thanks

2. Posted by mikeyBoab (Travel Guru 5077 posts) 11y Star this if you like it!

Tough one - I would probably stay at home.

3. Posted by wouterrr (Travel Guru 3383 posts) 11y Star this if you like it!

I wouldn't. I would feel guilthy. Imagine that he/she would die during your travels (e.g father, mother, brother, sister, best friend, partner). I would never forgive myself.

4. Posted by Pardus (Respected Member 2356 posts) 11y Star this if you like it!

For me it would depend on how I feel I would be of most help to the person. I think the best help you can be to somebody in a difficult situation is by being positive and attentive to their needs. The person might feel guilty if she/he knew that he/she is holding you back from having a good time.
Depending on the person he/she might be happier to know that you're enjoying yourself and maybe receive letters/postcards/emails from you on a regular basis (or even a phone call) rather than having you worry about him/her.
It all depends on your judgement and how you feel about it.

I hope this helps.

5. Posted by hamjunkie (Budding Member 62 posts) 11y Star this if you like it!

Indeed it is a very sensitive topic that i don't think anyone can truely answer without having been in that position. There are so many things to consider

Obviously the person you are worried about leaving - If i was ill then i personally wouldn't want someone else to suffer because of me, surely being ill makes you appreciate the time that you do have and the need to make the most of it!!! On top of that I would want them to remember the best times with me not the worst.

Is this the only opportunity you are going to have to travel or is it something you can pick up another time. Is it something you have always dreamed of - will there be resentment if you dont go and then never get the opportunity to go etc.

why not speak to the person you are concerned about, be honest with them and see what their thoughts are. If you do go why not involve them as much as possible - get them a map, pins and then write/email them from every place you go - if they cannot be there in person they can in spirit.

Dont know if that helped at all but it's what immediately came to mind when i saw your question.

All the best in whatever you decide.

6. Posted by Isadora (Travel Guru 13926 posts) 11y Star this if you like it!

Ultimately, I agree with Phil. I would consider not traveling because (even self-imposed) guilt can be impossible to bear. But, one must take into consideration the thoughts and feelings of the ailing person also. Is the person still capable of discussion and rational thought? It's not meant as a callous question as the type and severity of a disease will eliminate any chance of a dialogue between the two of you. If that is the case, the decision is strictly on your shoulders. If they are still sound of mind, talk with them and let them be part of the decision-making process. By having that conversation, a rational decision can be made and the feelings of guilt will be lessened or non-existent no matter which path you take.

Sorry Mim, it's not a question easily answered because of the number of variables and maybe I'm putting too much thought into it... But, I only have my past experience with my parent's illnesses to reference and though both were very ill from the same disease and for long periods, each had their own requirements and expections of me. Sometimes taking care of one's self is the best thing for the other person. Staying can create unintentional anger towards the ill person and then you are truly of no use to them. Going can create those ugly feelings of guilt if something should worsen quickly. It comes down to letting the ill person help you help them.

7. Posted by Ahila (Inactive 1529 posts) 11y Star this if you like it!

Hi Mim,
Having experienced being on both ends, I would say I would never consider leaving a loved one when they were undergoing an illness.

Two years ago, I underwent a nasty road accident and I had to be on a lengthy medical leave for six months. Without the support of my parents, who stopped all their external work to focus on my recovery, I would not have been back on my feet. I know how much I needed them then and I was not being selfish. It was that care that pulled me through.

Last year, the situation was reversed and both my parents underwent heart surgery at the same time and I had then been thinking of applying for graduate studies abroad but knew I had to be there to look after them.

Postponing one's travel is not the end of the world. There will be another time. In my case, I waited two years and now my mother and I both enjoy going on short trips together. We are planning on going on a easy trekking trip to Himalayas this spring/summer.
Take care,

8. Posted by tway (Travel Guru 7273 posts) 11y Star this if you like it!

It would depend. If the person has been sick a long, long time but they're not terminally ill, I would go - especially if I'd had the vacation planned and paid for. I'd talk to the person first and make sure to call them every day to check in - they may even look forward to the distraction of living your trip vicariously.

However, if the person just recently fell sick or they were getting worse, I'd stay home. A trip can be rescheduled and sometimes you're needed and can't be replaced.

But it really depends on the situation, mim. Some people are so burned out they need time to get away - and you're no good to anyone if you end up unable to get out of bed. I agree with Isa - talk to the person. You'll get insights that will help you make the right decision for both of you.

Much peace and patience, mim.

9. Posted by Mel. (Travel Guru 4567 posts) 11y Star this if you like it!

Hello Mim

Personally, i think there is nothing wrong, with u going away, to clear your head. U do have your own life to live. Anyway, if the person needs u, u are only a plane ride away.

Do u have pressure from your family, or friends not to go away?


10. Posted by oslaue (Full Member 571 posts) 11y Star this if you like it!

is there a chance that this person might be dead by the time you get home?

could you enjoy your holidays even more if you didnt have this burden in your head? or perhaps your not going to enjoy your holidays as much because of this burden?

is this someone who has been ill for many years and was told 10 years ago that they are going to die! yet that person is still alive?

is this a person whos 90 years old and is even more fitter than you and is expected to die?

does this person rely on you in any way at all?

have you talked to this person about traveling? what is there views?

i think the issue is...if this person dies while you are away and is a family member...then you may live with regret for the rest of your days, though you dont know this now.

you dont say too much so i know very little!

if its family id stay...if its a friend...then it be a different story.

you need to tell more about your situation before i think anyone can give you a real and honest answer...

if you go far far away it be difficult to call that person or them to call you because if you been in jungles, up mountains then there is little or no phone reception.

my advise...

family = stay! because family depend on you!
friends = away! because friends have other friends and family to look after this person...

but no one understands your relationship / circumstances with this person, sometimes you can have friends who are almost like family too!

either way i hope that this person gets well soon!

[ Edit: Edited on Jan 16, 2007, at 7:44 AM by oslaue ]