here goes ill start you with my favourate one,
I may be a teacake, but Im my mothres pride !!!!
(not all will get that unless they know what mothers pride is, sorry)
but another one i do like and makes me chuckle is when a statment is started with.
call me old fashioned but.......
dont know why but i have to chuckle.
any phrases that you do like !!!!!
call me old fashioned but I have no idea what your first phrase means! 
ok brendan... thats the reason i put too phrases on, sorry,
mothers pride is a brand name for bread, bread and teacake, then there is the play on mothers pride, as in your maternal mother....yes more for the british traveller i guess,,,,,sorry brendan.
"It's five o'clock somewhere!!!" 
(Oooohhhhh, martini time!!!!) 
"I'm from the government and I'm here to help" 
A friend of mine has the best ones.
Gay as christmas... has me rolling
and many more I can't mention
When someone asks a dumb question or says something completely irrelevant I always say, "You're a clown" or "Get real"
When I'm telling/listening to a story about someone with false hopes or making poor decisions I usually chime in with, "In your room there is a door. A door with a large sign that says REALITY. You should open it" I like that one 
Whenever someone is going on about some irrelevant, boring topic in minute detail, I always interrupt with:
"Um, you're confusing me with someone who cares".
The look of shock is priceless!
Quoting garry moll
here goes ill start you with my favourate one,
I may be a teacake, but Im my mothres pride !!!!
I love that phrase its so Yorkshire!
I like it when people say things that are a bit quaint and old fashioned. Like "Holy Moley"
Some one who is being an idiot or just is an idiot - NUMPTY!!